For I am the sappiest sap who ever sapped.
Another Saturday night, another live blog! I’m getting good at this again, apparently. I used to love Ashton Kutcher on That 70s Show. In fact, I probably had a picture of him on my middle school planner or something. And in hearing about this episode, I figured, man, he was great on SNL before. Except I was confusing him with Justin Timberlake’s first SNL hosting gig. “Call me Kootch!” So, I have no recollection of his previous hostings. Hopefully he can be good. I at least have faith that he’s the kind of guy that would be down foranything they could throw at him.
I’ll be liveblogging this one in between watching episodes of Skins, because even though the characters are all annoying and the storylines suck, I can’t resist Freddie’s lips.
Also, because I had family over today and they left too late for me to do anything else (I know you’re all sad for me now).
Cold Open: We’re opening with “On the Record with Greta Van Susteren.” Kristen does a great Van Susteren, and she holds back, which is pretty lacking in a Wiig performance of late. We have Moynihan as Karl Rove. Forte as Oliver North, Elliott as “Attractive Blonde Lady” and Hader as Robert Gibbs. Seems a little strange to not have Fred Armisen in the cold open. We’re talking about “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” and it’s really boring, except YES, Sudeikis as Glenn Beck. I love this impresion. He’s tearing up while talking about a man, and that man is George Washington, and HE IS DEAD. Did you all know that there is no “I” in Liberty? I wish that I could yell “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” but I have about as much chance of that as being Chief Justice.
Monologue: Do we think his monologue is going to be about Twitter? Is he going to twitter while making his monologue? He’s hosted SNL four times? Really? And he’s going to celebrate his birthday during the show? His monologue is actually about self control, because he’s not the spastic crazy dude he once was. Even though there’s a dog on a surfboard in the audience, he can’t freak out over Sudeikis teaching a kid t-ball and getting hit in the babymaker. Old lady dance party! Superman is ordering drinks with Storm Troopers! And Mark Twain on a mini motorcycle! And Ashton Kutcher has just freaked out and .. those are some underwear, Kootch.
Estate: The satellite is flipping out a bit, so it’s possible that I can’t do the full show. We’re at a will reading for a 110 year old lady who died. Angel the pool boy, who slept with her for 10 years, only receives pool privileges – and not in the summer. She died from chlamydia, so now he gets to swim in the pool with chlamydia! I honestly think that I should never watch SNL in HD, because every week I see wig and skinlines all over the place. For a first sketch, that was really, really EH, just as I imagine Jennifer Lopez’s hosting/MGing will be on February 27. I think I’ll stay far away from that one. It’s worth noting that Jenny Slate and Bobby Moynihan were both in this sketch and had about 5 seconds of airtime. Combined.
The View: Nasim Pedrad is Barbara Walters, and as a friend pointed out to me last week, she nearly always plays an older lady. This is the second “Don’t ask, don’t tell” sketch. And I will only pay attention to Kenan and Fred here. I can only take Kristen’s Hasselbeck impression in small doses. Very small doses. Small. Doses. Small. Kutcher is out doing a really bad impression of Mel Gibson, but I accept the effort. The description of the plot of his movie and how it is “just a collection of clips from his old movies,” is pretty funny, but again, eh. EH EH EH.
Cialis for Threeways: There are antidepressants and Xanax in it to help you cope with the shame and fights that occur afterwards. Semi funny commercial. I have nothing more to say about this.
Hey, Andy Samberg is still on this show after all! We’re in Rome during a war, but all the Emperor cares about is getting grapes from his slave boy. My screen keeps freezing, so I checked out Ashton’s twitter, and he’s been posting live videos. Grape attack! This is the most pointless and unfunny sketch I’ve seen in awhile.
Them Crooked Vultures – Mind Eraser, No Chaser: Cool lights! Rock icons! A satellite that doesn’t want to work! Josh Homme used to look so much like Craig Kilborn. He doesn’t look so much like him anymore. Though I haven’t seen Kilborn in a long, long time. This is rock and roll. Complete with not having a clue what any of them are singing. Whatevs! I love it.
Weekend Update: Hey, Seth. My satellite is going crazy right now, but I’m pretty sure he’s chanting “USA” with regards to Toyota. And .. the satellite is enjoying giving me the set-up without the punchline. This is unfortunate. Samberg is Liam the teenager who just woke up. I wish Andy was on the show more often. Remember when him and Bill Hader first started and they were all over the place? I only say these things, because apparently Andy is singing, but I can’t hear it. Did they paint a gap on Samberg’s teeth, or has that always been there? EMO PUPPIES!!
I’m glad that I can see the skin line on Hader’s head, because otherwise that would be an insanely huge forehead.
“I don’t think that you should use that one.”
“Because of my scandal?”
This is going on way too long, but Seth and Hader are really enjoying this.
TOO MANY GUESTS, NOT ENOUGH JOKES. But I can’t argue with Jean K. Jean. EN-CRAY-ABLAY!!! My satellite doesn’t want me to enjoy this. Things I just learned about Ashton Kutcher: he has a twin brother. So, happy birthday, Michael Kutcher! Michael Kutcher has over 11,000 followers, and I vote it’s because he is Ashton Kutcher’s twin brother. Aww, it’s Garth and Kat, here to make up songs that I will not be able to hear while Seth giggles. This is the Update full of giggling guests, isn’t it? I will have to watch this on Hulu tomorrow.
What is Burn Notice?: This is an interesting idea for a sketch, potentialy. Sudeikis is hosting the game show “What is Burn Notice?” Contestants have to say SOMETHING about Burn Notice. Sudeikis’ facial expressions are killing me here. Burn Notice is about a spy who has been “burned” or something, which means they try to kill him off because he did something wrong so they erase all record of his existence, like the Bourne Identity? Ashton’s answer is about it being a show on USA, and characters are welcome there. Hee!
Also, something I know about Burn Notice, the lead character is named Michael Weston, not to be confused with the actor Michael Weston:
Ashton Kutcher got something right! It takes place in Miami! They think! I watch pretty much every show on USA except for Burn Notice.
Access Hollywood: They’re covering the Oscar nominees. Nasim Pedrad is Maria Menounos and Ashton Kutcher is Billy Bush. Abby Elliott is doing an Anne Hathaway impression, and she does have her facial expressions down, but she just sounds like Abby Elliott. There are about 3291 movies nominated for Best Picture. Old Dogs! And now reality TV is nominated! Ace of Cakes! JERSEY SHORE! Classic movies like Juwanna Mann and K-Pax! Sequels that haven’t come out yet! Why is this happening? Let it die. And now they’re nominating the same movies again. And now my satellite is frozen again. Wah wah!
Rahm Emanuel: We love the Rahm-Bone around here, and we totally love Andy Samberg’s impersonation. Emanuel called a few people retarded. When he gets angry, he sounds more like his Mark Wahlburg, but I still love it. I am officially calling this the best line of the episode: “Also, you come after me on Facebook? What are you 14? Here’s a status update: grow the fuck up! Poke me again, and I’ll write shit on your wall so obscene your computer will cry!”
In conclusion, Boo-fucking-hoo, indeed. I’m calling this episode for Andy Samberg all the way.
Them Crooked Vultures – “New Fang”: Whoever wrote the lyrics for this song on this website cracks me up, because man, nobody knows what’s going on. Dave Grohl is rocking out like it’s 1993 all over again. This sounds like a Queens of the Stone Age song, no?
Cadena-Norton Wedding: As soon as they said band, I figured Dave Grohl would be in this sketch. Is Grohl the person that has been on SNL the most times with the most different acts? Prostate jokes! Old man band! And sweet, this band ends up being death metal! Kitcher is breaking glasses, and Armisen is throwing tables on people. I wish I was an extra in this, because I’d be all about Armisen throwing food on me on live television. The waiters are pissed, my satellite is pissed, and we’re having technical difficulties, because Grohl’s mic stopped working. Nice save, Kutcher. Sudeikis, as father of the groom, is sooo into this. I bet he wishes he was in this band. He just got Hader’s bass pick. Short and awesome. Nice.
Credits: Is this the first time this season that a host hasn’t had their famous significant other even mentioned? I’m proud of them for not having this be a time to showcase Demi Moore with anything. Ashton just called them “The Crooked Vultures,” while Dave Grohl stood there like a weird old politician. He also wished himself a happy birthday. WHAT ABOUT YOUR TWIN BROTHER, YO? Seriously, without Update, Andy’s Rahm sketch and the closer, this episode would’ve been just as weak as the majority of the season. Kutcher tried, he just didn’t have much to do. Them Crooked Vultures were great, but what else did you expect? Josh Homme is like 8 feet tall, isn’t he? There are a lot of checkered shirts on that stage right now. Let’s call it an off season. I’m starting to think that on any Saturday night that I am at home, I should just watch Lost reruns on ABC. Maybe.
Oh, hello there, you barely used little Olympics blog. Once upon a time you were updated with such frequency! Now even the regular SNL blogs are scarce. But I came back to you, my bloggy goodness, and it’s all because of Jon Hamm. And some Saturday night boredom. But mainly the Hamm. I hope that he has yet to shave his beard! But mainly, I hope that he’s funny. Because as we all know, SNL has been a suckfest of suck this season. And I say that with as much compassion as someone who has little to no personal ties to the show (okay, little) but does expect hilariousness out of them.
Michael Buble is the musical guest. I imagine myself fast forwarding this. Seriously, NBC, you should hire me to suggest musical guests. This year has been boring. I choose to think that Buble was picked because someone woke up from a nap and was asked, “Who should we book for January 30?” And they mumbled “Miwrlekwablabuwale.” Because that makes the most sense of any scenario. And honestly, I’m not trying to pick on Michael Buble, but this show is on at 11:30 at night with the first musical act at 12:15, why on earth would you pick a crooner? Especially if the humour is lacking..
Anyways, let’s start this mofo! It’s 2010. How have we all been? Did you grow a beard like most of the Mad Men cast? According to that article, Jon Hamm had to shave! CURSE YOU, SNL!
This has nothing to do with beards, but it's awesome.
It’s about 8 degrees outside here in NYC, so drink some winter lager with me and bundle up.
Cold Open: State of the Union! I didn’t even watch the state of the union, as I was at work until about 9 that night, so I’m a little confused by the opening. Why is there no weird tiara thing in front of Pelosi? Armisen looks like he’s wearing rouge. And Sudeikis seems like a very unkempt Vice President. This clapping joke is getting very old, very fast, especially since they did it years ago with a Bush State of the Union, making fun of Dan Quayle. John Kerry was making a great face in the crowd, I wonder what that was actually in reference to. YES THEY SHOWED THE BRENDAN FRASER CLAP. Okay, this is how obsessed with the clap that I am. Last night I legitimately had a dream that I met Brendan Fraser and we did that clap together.
I just had a bit of a Firefox malfunction and paused the DVR during the opening credits. Did you guys ever think about exactly how awesome Andy Samberg’s face is? Because it’s pretty awesome.
Monologue: The credits photo of Jon Hamm is just about the worst photo of a super handsome man that I have ever seen in my entire life. And now he’s onstage, hello hotness. You are mega hot hot. And now that I have that out of my system.. Late for the Class’ credits look a lot like Saved by the Bell’s. And this is great. Jon Hamm has always been Don Draper, even when he was Bonzo. I just checked out Jon Hamm’s IMDB credits, and they are pretty awesome. I just laughed outloud at “They need to wash they ass.” What is wrong with me?
20s Party: New York City, 1928. As they just shoved down our throats in the monologue, Jon Hamm is always suave and debonair. So of course they start with a sketch in the 20s. Maybe they’ll go against type and have him be super unclassy, but it doesn’t look likely. Oh, so this sketch is actually about Kristen Wiig, because it’s SNL and the sketches can’t be about the host or about a girl that isn’t Kristen. Okay, the fact that she actually doesn’t know when to come in is pretty funny. “And.. I missed it.” The alleycats dancing on the balcony understand her.
Digital Short: This is super early in the episode. Samberg’s all Wall Streeted out, and he just broke a talisman. CURSED BY FRED ARMISEN. In the middle of a meeting, Jon Hamm bursts through a wall to play the saxophone and shake his hips all oiled up. SERGIO!
His whole life is now disrupted by handsome Sergio. I enjoy Sudeikis’ psychiatrist jokes. “Sexy Man/Sax” Sergio blew up Dr Sudeikis! The curse is lifted.. but Kristen Wiig has broken it, so now sh’s going to give birth to Sergio isn’t she? Yep. Wow, Jon Hamm is not sexy when covered in afterbirth.
Harry Reid’s office: Pelosi, Byrd, Frank & Boxer are meeting with Reid. Jon Hamm barges in as Scott Brown, the beefcake. Senator Boxer can think of nothing but Brown dancing in some boxers. His Boston accent is much less grating than Julianne Moore’s on 30 Rock. Jon Hamm is gyrating in Nancy Pelosi’s head. I like Obama because he’s Hawaiian. Barney Frank is imagining Brown in some long jean shorts. And in the best gag of the sketch, Byrd has pictured Brown as a flapper. I want more flapper dancing, Jon Hamm!
Michael Buble – Haven’t Met You Yet: Before Buble, they played that Cadillac commercial that plays Phoenix’s “1901.” Now THEY were a musical guest (but Phoenix is one of my favorite bands, so that’s not fair). Buble has managed to fit about 20 people on that tiny SNL stage, I enjoy it. I take back some of my previous comments, because in actually thinking about it, Buble isn’t an awful choice. It adds some diversity. It doesn’t have to be an indie band flavor of the month every week. Though I do feel like this season (and last to a certain extent) have been pretty popular bands, and it’s not the showcasing of new talent that it used to be (like next weeks choice of supergroup Them Crooked Vultures). And when they do pick a smaller band (the Ting Tings), it’s at the wrong/random part of their career. Michael Buble is dancing and all into it. Aw, shucks. I like his energy.
Weekend Update: “This week, Apple released a thing that does stuff that their other stuff already does.” And that’s all that really needs to be said about the iPad.
Every once in awhile (or, every week) Seth has a great zinger, and this one has made my evening thus far:
On Friday, President Obama appeared before House Republicans in a historic televised Q&A and performed so well that afterwards GOP aides said that “Allowing cameras to roll like that was a mistake.” Come on, Republicans. Are you on such a Scott Brown high that you thought that you could take down Barack Obama by debating him? You realize debates are why he’s President, right? Seriously, all you guys do is complain about how Obama is all talk and then you invite him to a forum that’s literally all talk. That’s like saying, “Let’s see how tough Aquaman is when we get him in the water.” I’m not saying you were outclassed but the whole thing was like the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where the guy charges Indy with a sword, and he just shot him.
Justice Sotomayor (Pedrad) is out to talk about Justice Alito for mouthing “Not true” at President Obama. Nasim Pedrad looks SO tiny next to Meyers.
This Tebow ad happening when CBS is refusing the Man Crunch ad is ridiculous. I hate you, CBS. I hate networks in general. HAWKS WITH HIPSTER BEARDS. YES!
Wow, Bobby is like a million times more orange than he was last time. Snooki! Snooki is a traffic cone with a wig on it. Apt.
I tuned out for a minute, and I am too tired to rewind, but the Situation is my favorite part of this. AND HIS MOM THE PREDICAMENT!
Seth loves that truck stop hooker joke. It didn’t kill, though. Sorry, Seth.
Game Time with Randy & Greg: Is this that sketch where Bill Hader is (not) an alien? Yes, it is. Since it needs to be said everyday, Bill Hader is amazing. And Rick from Passaic is totally Fred Armisen. All of the bobbleheads are a shout-out to Mike and Mike, right? Greg killed the Colts coach! No wait, he just turned him into an alien, too. That’s bad. Tommy from Canarsie is Bobby. Where’s Will Forte been? And Sudeikis? They’re barely in this one. Who is Pete from Livingston? It sounds kind of like Seth Meyers. Is Seth actually kind of in a sketch? I can’t really tell, but OMG if so! Hey, Sudeikis and Forte are Gregs now! So many Gregs now! Sudeikis barely has any alien make-up on, so either they think he looks just like an alien or he’s in the next sketch.
Hamm & Buble: Michael Buble is in a sketch. I like it. Boo-BLAY doesn’t work, so now it’s Bubbly. Jon Hamm is such a douche to poor Michael Bubbly. Champagne with floating chunks of pork. Michael Buble has some decent sing-acting chops. I want to see his one-man show about William Faulkner. Oh, I love this. I wish this sketch was earlier in the evening, cause it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
I now take back everything I ever said about how Michael Buble shouldn’t be on the show. And I want to know who wrote this, because I spent like 15 minutes last night trying to think of an actor named something like Cheese that could go in a Hamm sandwich and I never thought about Bubbly.
Closet Organizer: I could really use a blue spandex suited Forte to suck up all of the water, peanut butter and pies in my closet. Jon Hamm’s story about Beyonce with the man’s moustache is the perfect reason for a Closet Organizer.
Loud Stenographer: We haven’t had a commercial break in awhile. That’s pretty cool. Armisen is a court stenographer typing on an actual typewriter and making crazy faces. There are some very troubled looking extras in the jury. This sketch is going to be very one-note and go on forever, isn’t it? I’m glad the stenographer is taking a giggle break, because I’m pretty sure no one else is. I can’t find my crackers. BOO.
Michael Buble – “Baby (You’ve Got What It Takes)”: SHARON JONES! Ugh, nobody on earth is cooler than Sharon Jones. The choice of Michael Buble has again proven me wrong. If you live in NYC, go see Sharon Jones, because her and the Dap Kings play all of the damned time and the woman can SING. HA! She bootybumped him hard.
Forte! I kind of love the randomness of this. Jerusalem Tigers. Are you on TV? No, I’m on a bar stool. HAHAHAH, CALL BACK! You’re the freakin Closet Organizer guy, aren’t you? Okay, I officially love this episode. Closet Organizer, Hamm & Bubbly, that’s all it takes. They both have awesome names. And Forte is doing a little closet organizing for Hamm, and this is fucking genius. People only want to be Tarkief Benzington’s friend because he’s the closet organizer. “Goodbye Rezdin, I hope you die tonight.” Please tell me that Will Forte wrote this sketch, because between this and that bizarre NASA chip thing from the Blake Lively episode, he’s my new favorite person in the world ever.
CNBC: The CNBC announcer also is TOTALLY Seth Meyers. Is he the new Chris Parnell/Darrell Hammond? Love it, Seth. Love it. The show is American Enterprise – Barnes & Noble. Bill Hader and Jon Hamm are historically reenacting the creation of Barnes and Noble. The amount of times I’ve just gone to the bathroom in B&N is pretty high. I imagine it’s not as big of a thing in states where people drive more.. but yeah, it’s totally a pee place. B&N and Starbucks. And if you’re over 21 and it’s nighttime, crowded bars.
Credits: Bobby is wearing a Dharma Initiative shirt (LOST GEEKS!) Jon Hamm is wearing a hot shirt. I am jealous of everyone who gets to see him in person right now. Seth Meyers just kissed Will Forte. And Sudeikis totally just smacked Forte on the ass and said good job. Seth is getting a lot of camera time during the credits, and we’re actually getting full credits tonight. It’s nice. Sudeikis is totally a homeless man who is going to pee in a Barnes & Noble after this. This episode made me feel warm and fuzzy. It wasn’t perfect or anything, but totally enjoyable with some really high points. Love it. And it is through the power of the liveblog that you get to see me bite my tongue over Michael Buble.
Until next time!
I didn’t liveblog SNL last week because I watched and there’s only so many ways that I can say “this sucks.”
The DVR (and the NFL!) messed with my SNL watching, considering I was out seeing Passion Pit on Saturday. (Hilarious side bar, did you know the Jonas Brothers love them?)
Anyways, nothing to see here. Except a clip from the Improvised Shakespeare Company, doing what they do best and being awesome.
See you next week for Sigourney Weaver and the Ting Tings, a musical guest I suggest (and cared more about) last year. Hey, SNL, hire me as musical director, ya dig? The Ting Tings time has passed.
A few weeks ago, I blogged about Julian Casablancas’ cover of the classic SNL song, “I Wish It Was Christmas Today.”
Last night, I found out that Mr. Casablancas was going to be on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and flipped out. It was the perfect setting to reenact the greatness (viewable here).
But would it happen?
YES YES YES.
I wish that WordPress were better at allowing embedding (or that I were better at figuring out these things), so all I can say is, click the link for some mind blowing-ness.
Thank you, Jimmy Fallon, for making my dreams come true.
Another week, another SNL. I again had the privilege of attending dress rehearsal, but since we were all blizzarded and hilarious partied out, I didn’t get to take notes the same way I usually do. I am a huge fan of Jimmy Franks and I enjoy Muse, despite the fact that they are one of those bands whose songs criminally all sound the same (like Everclear or Incubus). It’s a really good song, and they’re supposedly a fantastic live band, so I’m looking forward to it.
Also, side bar, but James Franco on General Hospital is easily my favorite thing to have happened in the media this year. Let’s watch a moment, shall we?
Pure genius.
Cold Open: The cold open this evening was supposed to be a meeting of Democratic Senate members negotiating with Joe Lieberman, but they couldn’t even agree on what kind of food to order. It was long and painful, and it obviously was cut, so they switched Lawrence Welk to cold open. James Franco starts off by showcasing how much he cannot sing or dance, and he’s either sick or really threw his voice out all week. People seem to love this sketch, but I’ve never really been a fan of Kristen Wiig’s baby armed Judith. It’s kind of hilarious, though, that SNL has had such switch over with the girls in the cast since none of the three normal gals were in this sketch before. There are three things that I enjoy in this sketch, Judith fondling the snow man, James Franco pushing her away by the forehead, and the shot of him running past Lawrence Welk at the end while Judith eats the snow.
Monologue: To be completely honest, clip from General Hospital (and his smiley reaction to it) aside, I’m not the biggest fan of the monologue. There’s something about his line delivery that seems off to me. He’s yelling and scrunching his face too much, and it’s just weird. The picture of him sleeping in class is real, though. There are also a bunch of stories about him sleeping in the NYU library. “Higginsville, Kansas, what’s up?”
Has anybody been watching the reformatted Scrubs? Dave Franco is on it, and he is basically mini-James. I’ve seen Dave in other things before (mainly on Funny or Die), and it hasn’t hit me until Scrubs. See for yourself:
What Up With That?: They did this sketch a few weeks ago, and it was completely miserable. James Franco was on for no reason, which was actually pretty funny.. for no reason. This time around the guests are Jack McBrayer and Mike Tyson. During the dress rehearsal, Mike Tyson got up and danced randomly like three times ON HIS OWN. It wasn’t scripted, he just wanted to dance apparently. This one ended up being funnier than the previous incarnation, and I’m not sure why.
Maybe because Sudeikis really went all out with the dancing. I mean, honestly, there’s no point in watching anything other than Sudeikis in this sketch, maybe with a little of Andy’s John Stockton involved. And Jack McBrayer’s cheerful/confused clapping. And Will Forte’s robot past the screen.. also great. Oh, funny dancing, you don’t get old to me. Poor Lindsay Buckingham never gets to speak, but Bill Hader gets me EVERY. TIME.
Kissing Family: Again with the sketches that have been done before.. There’s nothing new here, so I have nothing to add except that it was nice to see James Franco really go for it. That’s some serious tongue he got in Will Forte’s mouth. Hader went for it, too, but that’s nothing new. Hader and Armisen kissing and arguing in the background even though they’re not even on screen is pretty amazing.
The Tizzle Wizzle Show: I honestly don’t know what it is about this digital short, but it made me laugh for about a minute after it ended. I can’t help it. I’m so amused by everything. The clapping, the Franco thumbs up, etc.
Hail to the King! Apparently Akiva Schaffer is going off to direct a movie, so I don’t know who will be directing the digital shorts in the meantime.
The Manuel Ortiz Show: I take back what I said about funny dancing getting me everytime, because this sketch is not so funny. “He was con mi!” Kristen’s dancing is great, Franco’s is .. well, he dances about as badly as humanly possible. I do enjoy his Latin lover posture, though. They cut Jason Sudeikis out of this sketch as the doctor who would be the next guest to discuss colon cancer.
Muse – “Uprising”: Oh, Muse. I feel like they held back a lot here, like they would blow the studio to smithereens if they played at full force. The lights create a great effect on TV that wasn’t as powerful in the studio. And everything that Matthew Bellamy is wearing was glittery. Except maybe the flag shirt. YEAH MUSE.
Weekend Update: It’s our weekly moment with Seth Meyers. Cut from Update were Kenan as Ebony Santa and Andy Samberg doing his spot-on Nicolas Cage impersonation. Sad, but Bobby’s Snooki and Fred and Kristen deserved to make it on.
My favorite joke of the night? “Sarah Palin was photographed in Hawaii this week wearing a McCain for President visor, but she had blacked out the letters of her former running mate’s name. She was going to black out all of it, but halfway through, she quit.”
Bill Hader coming in and dancing as The Situation just might be my favorite part of this entire episode. I’ve never watched Jersey Shore, so I can’t say whether or not this is accurate, but I saw a clip on The Soup of “The Situation” showing his abs during some video game awards, so I’m assuming it is. IT’S NOT A DEROGATONY WORD. The fact that you can see where Snooki’s orange skin ends and Bobby’s skin shows thorugh (and his chest hair), makes this even funnier to me.
Garth and Kat’s little made-up songs make me laugh. Now, since they’ve obviously rehearsed and there are cue cards, I don’t know how much is improved, but it seems pretty apparent that a lot of it is improvised. Fred and Kristen lost it a lot more in dress, and Seth joined in and sang a bunch, adding that they were singing his favorite song.
Hell Week: Despite Andy’s awful wig, I kind of love this sketch. Andy is a freshman pledging a frat full of people who can’t read, do math, tie shoe laces or understand where babies come from. Everyone in this sketch kind of lost it at dress when they handed him the lite beer and it was diet coke. I lost it, too. Sudeikis looks so worried about the tiny people in the TV. “WHAT’S AN OBAMA?” “YEAH, WHAT IS IT?” “Want to go back to your stork?” “Yeah, from earlier!” High five!
Vincent Price Christmas Special: You are a cat in an empty apartment. This is probably the weakest Vincent Price sketch, but since they’re always so great, that doesn’t mean it was bad. I love Kristen’s Katharine Hepburn, though she is cue card reading all over the place, and snapping the raccoon’s neck was pretty disturbing. Having Franco do James Dean is uninspired, but still pleasant.
“Who does four second asbestos commercials?!”
Christmas Trees: This sketch is just weird. In a bad way. Except Jason Sudeikis is so handsome buying a tree. At least Franco is game for anything.
Muse – “Starlight”: I’m not a big fan of this song. It’s Muse trying to be U2, and I’m (shock!) not that big into U2. I wish that they had rocked out with this song, too. Played “Hysteria” or something.
Dildo Factory: They’ve tried to do this sketch a million times and succeeded very few. This one is KIND of funny, and short enough that it doesn’t bother me too much. CAROL, HOLD MY CALLS. Ted Fields is allergic to himself, because he’s the dildo here.
Mark Wahlberg Talks to Christmas Animals: This sketch is great, but it obviously got condensed with the fact that it went on WITH ONE MINUTE TO GO. Also, I think that someone must have poked Don Pardo awake considering he started it with “This has been Mark Wahlberg Talks to Christmas Animals” instead of “And now, Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas animals” or something. I can’t even pretend that I don’t find this amazing. Now I’mma talk to a partridge. Where’s your pear tree? OH. There it is. Hey, snowman, I like your stick hands. I have real hands, but we can still hang out.
I’ll stop transcribing this now… I am just so into this. YOU HEAR ME RUDOLPH? AN AMAZON KINDLE.
Credits: Show ran long, so it’s a miracle they got any credits in and Franco obviously was cut-off midsentence. If you watch on Hulu, you can get the full thing! Including shots of Will Forte pulling off his bald cap, which is kind of scary.
In retrospect, the show was funnier than my initial reaction to it. Maybe because I’ve now seen each of the sketches three times (dress, live and replaying it now) and they’ve grown on me. James Franco’s episode last year was HILARIOUS, so I’m sad this didn’t live up to it. We’ll be back in 2010 with Charles Barkley and Alicia Keys. Yeah, I don’t get it either.
Happy holidays, all!
It’s been awhile. I haven’t even watched an episode of SNL since the Taylor Swift extravaganza, so I’m a little rusty. I’ve been out of town, had my family visit, gotten bronchitis, worked too much, seen a few bands, fallen in an inexplicable love for the drummer of the Arctic Monkeys and had that love realized when he sang this little ditty:
LOVE IT.
Anyways, I don’t know what to expect from an episode with two pretty boys (Taylor Lautner and Bon Jovi). I hope that this doesn’t end up being miserable. If it does, I’ll just continue watching Arctic Monkeys videos.
I have ONE THING to say about this SNL: There NEEDS to be a Jon Bovi appearance.
Cold Open: Mark Sanford, John Ensign and John Edwards discuss media coverage of Tiger Woods’ affairs on C-SPAN. There’s something so strange about Sudeikis’ wig. The way the light is reflecting off of it makes it look like he’s wearing a yarmulke. It’s vaguely distracting. I actually am not familiar with the John Ensign affair. So I looked it up. Also, Gov Sanford, your wife’s name was a Twitter trending topic the other day. Don’t worry, you’re getting your shitty coverage. A-Rod is Dominican. I’m bored. Wrap this ish up.
Monologue: I always thought his name was pronounced LOT-ner. I’m sorry for all of my mispronunciations, Shark Boy. How tall do we think this dude is? He’s making jokes about being a baby in heaven, but he’s got some pretty decent timing, so this could be okay. Like Kenan as Reba McEntire. He is also nervous laughing a lot.. hm. OMG. He just did a back flip for no reason. And showing off his crazy martial arts skills that have now caused Kanye West his head. I am laughing more than the audience is. That’s intimidating.
Rose Bowl Promos: Kenan had to run really fast to get to this scene for a four second camera stare. Could’ve been someone else, no? Taylor is Phil Pomeroy, a back-up QB who can’t handle looking into the camera and smiling. Now he’s dancing, and it’s weird.
Sue’s Secret: This is that Kristen Wiig sketch where she plays the lady who can’t keep a surprise. This one involves Abby Elliott and Taylor Lautner’s bad wig having a baby. Sue is eating a cheeseball because she just can’t handle the secret. And now her head is crammed in a stocking. And she has destroyed a gingerbread house and climbed up a chimney. So intense. And they’ve told their parents. Is Sue going to fall down the chimney? No, she is breaking through a window and stealing the Christmas tree. That’s what happens to me when I find out about secrets, too.
Next week is James Franco and Muse. Agh! I want to go!!
PGA Tour: Because we’ll never be done making Tiger Woods jokes. I like that New Zealand guy. I can’t remember his name, though. Jason Sudeikis is drinking in fear of all of the lost viewers while sponsors drop like flies.
Show Choir: It’s Jingle Jangle Jam time! They’re Christmas rapping, while Andy Samberg yells things from the crowd. Andy Samberg’s only job this episode has been to make funny faces. Now the Principal is making fun of them, aw. I kind of am in love with Andy Samberg right now, and I don’t know why, because this is juvenile. Poor little Mikosh. Samberg has now joined the show choir while Lautner moonwalks.
pGA Tour 2: Sudeikis is all touseld and drunk and being sponsored by Bernie Madoff and the movie Old Dogs. This sketch is pretty much Sudeikis at his best. The uncomfortable corporate man.
Bon Jovi – Superman Tonight: Since I don’t really care about Bon Jovi, let’s talk about bands I would rather see right now who could be on SNL. Arctic Monkeys. The Strokes. Vampire Weekend. I’ll interrupt this list to say that they shockingly sound awful. I wasn’t expecting this, honestly. And Richie Sambora is wearing way too much make-up. This is awkward and uncomfortable. But the SNL stage has pretty lights!
Weekend Update: Seth Meyers! In my unintentional SNL sabbatical, I have missed the Seth Meyers zingers. Tiger Woods side dishes! I hope that they mention that Annise Parker is the mayor of Houston.
Favorite line so far: During the Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday, President Obama presented an award to Bruce Springsteen saying, “I’m the President, but he’s the Boss,” at which point Springsteen ordered our troops out of Afghanistan.
Nasim Pedrad is out playing Tiger Woods’ Mistress Number Fifteen, but she also kind of looks like that Rachel Uchitel chick. And I am sad that I can mention Rachel Uchitel by name. And appearance.
Seth is squinting at a joke that went over bad, and well, that was funnier than the joke itself. Of course.
Fred Armisen is out as Billy Smith, the Native American comedian. This hasn’t been done in a long time. I miss the weird Fred bits like this. I also wish that it was tomorrow so that I could screen grab some of this, because both of their faces are so very amusing. And you can hear Seth laughing in the background. I love it.
I am about 100% certain that the Randy Moss joke is Seth’s favorite from this Update. And with a pause and a last minute reach out to tap the desk next to him (aw, he still does that, he’s so twee), we’re out.
Twilight: This is so obviously a Twilight sketch right away. Ha, Taylor Lautner is a high school chick who is Team Edward. For the record, I am Team Jacob, but only because I legitimately cannot handle how awful the books are and Jacob is the only real character in any of the books. But then they go and ruin it all by having him imprint at the end. That’s the most I will ever say about Twilight here. Anyways, the teacher is making them debate Team Edward vs Team Jacob in front of the class. Notebooks are for notes, not for kissing. I want to bake cookies on Taylor Lautner’s abs, too. Also, now we see that Taylor was wearing a jean skirt. Ha.
PGA Tour 3: Sudeikis is drunk and singing “Eye of the Tiger” with a tie around his head. The letter Q and Seltzer are now sponsors. I’m sure that this is all scripted, but this is something that Sudeikis would be great at improving, too. PS. YIKES!
Love Connection: We are taking a journey about makin’ LOVE connections around the world. We’ve stopped at Steven and Kendra in the froyo store in the mall. Steven just pulled a rubber ball out from between his legs. Loooove yeaahhhhh. Kenan keeps sliding in and out of the scene, but he just fell off his slider. He’s also not happy that Steven is obsessed with hobbits and unusually hairy. Okay!
Bon Jovi – When We Were Beautiful: We’re getting all serious here. And for the record, there has been no Jon Bovi, sio this episode is dead to me. At least the Bon Jovi parts. I’ve enjoyed Taylor Lautner.
Doorbells & More: Yeah, I don’t hang out with people with shitty doorbells. I’m just going to go ahead and say that I don’t like Jenny Slate that much. She’s awkward and looks like she’s trying too hard. Maybe when she gets more comfortable it’ll come together, but for now, I’d rather not see her headline a sketch. It’s kind of painful. Taylor Lautner has been more natural this episode than her. And hey! Fred Armisen, I almost forgot you were on this show. “Ding Dong, woof, bears.”
Closing: Taylor did a fairly admirable job. The episode was nothing exceptional, but it was watchable. I watched YouTube videos instead of Bon Jovi, though. Next week is going to bring the house down, right? RIGHT. Also, the awkwardly placed (but nice) memorial card to Heino Ripp, who was a tech director for SNL for a number of years.
Reason #91239921 for wanting to go to Olyvil: Is The 2012 Olympics Logo Naughty?
In a time when the lead stories are an unfortunate cop shooting and Tiger Woods’ various loves of the ladies, let’s all remember how awesome TR was.
Teddy Roosevelt Had The Worst Valentines Day Ever, And Then He Changed The World.
