2011 Makes a Grand Entrance with Aflockalypse, Vandermemes, and Jersey Shore

Oh hi, internet! Fancy seeing you here. It’s been a while, huh. This is a little awkward, like running into your highschool boyfriend at the supermarket over the holidays and he’s all super successful and you still live with your mom and you’re trying to think up something cooler to say than “I invented Post-Its.”

Let’s skip that part and go straight to the bit where you meet up for maybe too many drinks and then the nostalgia-fueled romantic interlude followed by the inevitable walk of shame the next morning, cos dangit, Olyvil is back and ready to give you reasons to regret having an internet connection.

A lot has happened in the time that Kim and I were working too much and not internetting enough. There were tropical getaways, The World Cup, Halloween costumes, European escapades, the holidays, and Snowmageddon II: The Reckoning. 2010 ended not with a bang but with a … actually, I guess a bang (that killed 5,000 birds in Arkansas) is pretty accurate? The end is nigh!

Here’s a recap of the first week of 2011′s biggest stories:

• Mass animal deaths were the water cooler topic of the week. The internet exploded in apocalypse theories. 2012 is upon us, y’all! Despite the hysteria, I remain unconvinced that the end times are approaching. At the beginning of every year, there’s one type of event that convinces the world we’re all going to die. 2010, it was Earthquakes. 2009, plane crashes. This year, dead animals? A Google user even made a map indicating what other parts of the globe have experienced mysterious mass animal deaths:

DEAD ANIMAL MAP! The best part of this event is all the end-times bird puns.

• White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced his departure from the Obama administration. First Rahm leaves to run for Mayor of Chicago, and now this? President Bartlett would never have let this happen!
• Famewhore Julia Allison tried to shut down the internet for making fun of her. While 150 cat ladies rolled their eyes and rampaged, the rest of the internet asked, “Who?”
• Jersey Shore is back! We’re one episode into season 3, and JWOWW has already punched Sammi in the face. Jezebel wonders, what makes Sammi suck? Meanwhile, I’m hoping Vinny’s ridiculous shower caddy becomes the new TEE SHIRT TIIIIIIIIIIIME.

#SHOWERCADDY. Photo credit: MTV

• James Van Der Beek of Dawson’s Creek notoriety hijacked Funny or Die and brought us the incredible JamesVanDerMemes.com. There, you can see an assortment of hilarious video clips, like James Van Der Beek as an Asshole for Hire, and an assortment of animated gifs of Dawson himself… emoting:

OH NO YOU DIDN'T. Photo credit: jamesvandermemes.com

• Seriously, this almost toppled Pacey-Con as the Best Thing Ever.

So, yeah. Good first week of the year. Olyvil is glad to be back and we’ll hopefully keep this updated as much as our IRL’s will allow!

[As an aside, I wrote this post before the Arizona shooting happened and wanted to mention it without ruining the whimsy of my post. All I can say while keeping my political opinions to myself is that my heart goes out to the victims of this tragedy and their families.]