SNL LIVEBLOG 2011: Jesse Eisenberg & Nicki Minaj
Hello, 2011 in Olyvil.
I’m going to give this SNL liveblogging a try again. The past few episodes I’ve seen have been decent, and I love Jesse Eisenberg and Nicki Minaj. I’m unsure of how I feel about Jesse Eisenberg hosting SNL, he seems softspoken (and his SNL ads have done nothing to prove otherwise) and nervous. I’m sure he’s confident in his craft, but seriously, standing next to Bill Hader and mumbling does not a funny commercial make. Stretch that into a 90 minute show.. and I’m not sure.
What are we expecting? Egypt commentary? Any guests? Do we think Andrew Garfield is IN THE BUILDING? Is Nicki Minaj’s verse on “Monster” the best rap verse of 2010? Is the monologue going to be a bunch of jokey jokes about rapid fire dialogue?
Cold Open: Michele Bachmann’s second attempt at a response to the State of the Union. This is all sight gags that are going to go on for too long. Ok. Political humor is usually SNL’s strong point, and all they have to show us is Kristen Wiig doing a passable Bachmann impression with not so funny sight gags and Xena clips?
I’m not writing anything until something funny happens.
Here’s an adorable picture of a cat dressed like a lion.
Not funny, but hello picture of Jesse Eisenberg, and…
Monologue: Hello, Jesse Eisenberg. AW, his monologue is about how he’s not as shy and unassuming as his characters (I call BS, though “Look at that freight train of confidence!” is a great line). And now he’s talking about menstruation. And I actually love this monologue. Andy Samberg is out trying to be Mark Zuckerberg, and I liked this more when it was just Jesse Eisenberg talking about menstruation and the Oscars, and sigh, the rumors were true, Mark Zuckerberg is there and he is a horrible, horrible actor. Make it stop. Although, he looks pleasant. Things I never thought I would say, “Mark Zuckerberg looks pleasant.” Ok, this is not stopping. There are three Mark Zuckerbergs onstage, I can’t stop typing, and Jesse Eisenberg’s hands are the size of his face.
Estro-Maxx: I turned my head for a minute, and Bill Hader was in his underwear. Men are turning into women! LOLZ. Kenan is the best part of this commercial. The rest of it is LCD humor. Nah.
Mr Wizards World: I miss Mr Wizard! Jesse Eisenberg is wearing a crazy wig and looks very strange. Abby Elliott is in this sketch. I’m okay with her not being on this show anymore. Nasim is rubbing a balloon on Jesse Eisenberg’s penis. This is awkward. I can’t comment on this beyond.. awkward funny.
Don’t Forget the Lyrics: I became obsessed with this show over my Winter holiday, and Jason Sudeikis is Mark McGrath. Mannerisms down, but his voice is basically.. Jason Sudeikis. Jesse Eisenberg is a contestant named Kenny, who came out screaming, “WHOO! I HAVE SEEN THIS SHOW!” He is being very literal, and this sketch seems like something awesome, that is not going to be on Hulu tomorrow for licensing reasons. In case you were wondering, “I Love Rock N Roll” does not contain the lyric, “So come and kiss a lime, you dance machine.” Mark McGrath is very angry that people aren’t singing Sugar Ray songs, which is kind of his weird passive aggressive reaction every time they have one on this show. “Celebrate Saddam Hussein.” Cold Open aside, I’m enjoying this episode. Maybe it’s not fall down hilarious, but Eisenberg is doing a great job. I’m impressed. And I’m really enjoying the still photography for this episode.
WXPD News: There’s an old reporter discussing a drug bust on campus who keeps hitting Jesse Eisenberg in the face with a microphone. Sudeikis is the news anchor who is trying to get Bill Hader’s reporter on track. This is too much. Kenan’s here now, and he’s really close to breaking. Bill’s breaking, and Sudeikis is yelling “Hold it together!” and I can’t decide whether that’s improv or not. Kenan’s got a great smile, guys.
Digital Short: John Waters introduces “The Creep” and AHH! AKIVA! I love when it’s a full Lonely Island short. Jorms and Akiva should be in them all. Basically, they’re three creepy dudes who are rapping about being a creeper around hot chicks. Kiv has a big part in this one. Love it. And Nicki Minaj! People are screaming bloody murder for Minaj. Weird. She’s a creep, too. That wasn’t the best Digital Short ever, but I accept.
Nicki Minaj – “Right Through Me”: Nicki is wearing the kind of outfit I would wear all of the time if I was famous. I don’t think I would ever stop wearing big, giant, fancy things if I could. I love her. There’s not much energy here, but I’m fine with it.
Weekend Update: I am tired of watching this show. Not even in a dislike way, I’m just not feeling SNL tonight. Though I haven’t been watching too much lately, so maybe 90 minutes of so-so comedy isn’t up my alley anymore. Egypt is covered by a joke about a McRib. Sigh. And a KFC Triple Down joke. Sigh again. Okay, Fred is out playing Mubarak. Let’s see if anything good comes out here. Thirty more years!
Update is weak tonight. “It was noted that for the first time in Super Bowl history neither of the teams competing have cheerleaders. No word yet on how players from either team will remember to ‘Go!’”
Kenan as Tyler Perry is out to throw money around and discuss the Oscar nominations. I’m going to go ahead and use this time to share a picture I took of The Social Network poster in Paris which makes me laugh.
I’m going to go ahead and call this the best moment of the show:
My next movie is guaranteed to get some Oscar notice. It’s about a brilliant student at North Carolina AMT who creates the top African American social networking site. It’s called Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Internet All By Myself. It stars Jesse Eisenberg, a seasoned veteran of white people movies like Adventureland, where a young man is sad because he has a job. It features my alter ego Madea, as his sassy but wise roommate.
I take it back. That could have gone so much further. I would’ve added, “The Social Network, where a young man is sad because he has billions of dollars.” Sometimes what SNL is going to do in my head is so much better than what SNL actually does. Strike that. Most of the time, most of the time.
TCM, The Essentials: Sudeikis is doing an actual impression! Hooray! He’s so good when he tries. He just never tries anymore. Bride of Blackenstein? Jay Pharoah needs to do more. Nicki Minaj is the Bride of Frankenstein! Eisenberg is Igor, Kenan is Frankenstein’s monster, and Igor definitely just said “From a ho that didn’t know her place!” Nicki is doing awesome, but she isn’t even looking at Kenan when she talks to him. Bill Hader just joined the blaxpoitation group. I am amused. If this were real, it would be my favorite movie ever.
MTV: Andy Samberg has been all over this episode. They’re talking about Skins! This blog loves Skins. This blog hates MTV Skins. Andy accidentally knocked over the Moon Man station on his desk and broke character a bit, and I’m ashamed to have really enjoyed that. I know people hate it, because it’s their job to maintain a character, but it’s hard not to smile when other people do.. might just be me. He’s rolling with it now and just smacked the statue off his desk. Andy’s speech was a set-up for the actual sketch which is product placement in Skins now that all of their advertising is backing out. Jesse Eisenberg is playing Tony (not to be confused with Tony Stonem). Abby Elliott is the Michelle, I guess? There’s eyebrow movement all over the place, seems James Milo Newman-ish. C.P. Wang, “We sell fruit now.” Sexy. Squirrel skin condoms are amazing for young vaginas. These are things I never wanted to hear about on tv. Sadly, berlusconiisinnocente.net only redirects to NBC. This sketch is way too long. Back to Andy Samberg, whose MTV award is back on his desk.
Spa Talk with Tyla Yonders: Kristen is Tyla, and I just realized that she really hasn’t been in this episode too much. I have nothing to say about this. Except Vanessa Bayer is in this sketch, and I am rooting for her, Jay Pharoah and Taran Killam out of the new cast members. I wish Nicki Minaj were performing again already. Fastforward.
Nicki Minaj – “Moment 4 Life”: Is Drake going to perform? Cause I would flip. Especially if he was in a wheelchair. JIMMY BROOKS 4 LYFE. Wishful thinking, I’m sure. I wish I could pull off wearing a crazy body suit on live TV.
El Shrinko: Andy Samberg again. I appreciate when people act like they can’t act. Their penises are too big! The coordinated hand movements to indicate shrinkage are great. This is an A+ closing sketch. It wouldn’t work at any other time, but Vanessa Bayer was great in this sketch, too. Of course. Make this the Vanessa Bayer show!
Credits: Jesse Eisenberg was pretty much what I thought he would be, but with material that made it work. This seems like the first SNL in a long time that was straight up sketch comedy without failed or dated references. It was more like an episode of Mad TV if you really think of it, but I think that worked really well with Jesse’s abilities. It’s a bummer that the worst part of the episode for me (besides Spa Talk, which I actually left my room during) was Weekend Update. Seth never disappoints me. Tonight, I was disappointed. The Zuckerberg cameo was great if only because he could not look any happier to be there, and his little hug with Jesse at the end there was nice. I expected a bit more out of Nicki Minaj, but she’s definitely my girl crush so I don’t care either way. Dana Carvey is the next host, and while I was legit in love with him as a child, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle liveblogging that. Especially with musical guest Linkin Park. At least we had a little fun tonight.