A few weeks ago, I blogged about Julian Casablancas’ cover of the classic SNL song, “I Wish It Was Christmas Today.”

Last night, I found out that Mr. Casablancas was going to be on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and flipped out. It was the perfect setting to reenact the greatness (viewable here).

But would it happen?

YES YES YES.

I wish that WordPress were better at allowing embedding (or that I were better at figuring out these things), so all I can say is, click the link for some mind blowing-ness.

Thank you, Jimmy Fallon, for making my dreams come true.

Another week, another SNL. I again had the privilege of attending dress rehearsal, but since we were all blizzarded and hilarious partied out, I didn’t get to take notes the same way I usually do. I am a huge fan of Jimmy Franks and I enjoy Muse, despite the fact that they are one of those bands whose songs criminally all sound the same (like Everclear or Incubus). It’s a really good song, and they’re supposedly a fantastic live band, so I’m looking forward to it.

Also, side bar, but James Franco on General Hospital is easily my favorite thing to have happened in the media this year. Let’s watch a moment, shall we?

Pure genius.

Cold Open: The cold open this evening was supposed to be a meeting of Democratic Senate members negotiating with Joe Lieberman, but they couldn’t even agree on what kind of food to order. It was long and painful, and it obviously was cut, so they switched Lawrence Welk to cold open. James Franco starts off by showcasing how much he cannot sing or dance, and he’s either sick or really threw his voice out all week. People seem to love this sketch, but I’ve never really been a fan of Kristen Wiig’s baby armed Judith. It’s kind of hilarious, though, that SNL has had such switch over with the girls in the cast since none of the three normal gals were in this sketch before. There are three things that I enjoy in this sketch, Judith fondling the snow man, James Franco pushing her away by the forehead, and the shot of him running past Lawrence Welk at the end while Judith eats the snow.

Monologue: To be completely honest, clip from General Hospital (and his smiley reaction to it) aside, I’m not the biggest fan of the monologue. There’s something about his line delivery that seems off to me. He’s yelling and scrunching his face too much, and it’s just weird. The picture of him sleeping in class is real, though. There are also a bunch of stories about him sleeping in the NYU library. “Higginsville, Kansas, what’s up?”

Has anybody been watching the reformatted Scrubs? Dave Franco is on it, and he is basically mini-James. I’ve seen Dave in other things before (mainly on Funny or Die), and it hasn’t hit me until Scrubs. See for yourself:

What Up With That?: They did this sketch a few weeks ago, and it was completely miserable. James Franco was on for no reason, which was actually pretty funny.. for no reason. This time around the guests are Jack McBrayer and Mike Tyson. During the dress rehearsal, Mike Tyson got up and danced randomly like three times ON HIS OWN. It wasn’t scripted, he just wanted to dance apparently. This one ended up being funnier than the previous incarnation, and I’m not sure why.

Maybe because Sudeikis really went all out with the dancing. I mean, honestly, there’s no point in watching anything other than Sudeikis in this sketch, maybe with a little of Andy’s John Stockton involved. And Jack McBrayer’s cheerful/confused clapping. And Will Forte’s robot past the screen.. also great. Oh, funny dancing, you don’t get old to me. Poor Lindsay Buckingham never gets to speak, but Bill Hader gets me EVERY. TIME.

Kissing Family: Again with the sketches that have been done before.. There’s nothing new here, so I have nothing to add except that it was nice to see James Franco really go for it. That’s some serious tongue he got in Will Forte’s mouth. Hader went for it, too, but that’s nothing new. Hader and Armisen kissing and arguing in the background even though they’re not even on screen is pretty amazing.

The Tizzle Wizzle Show: I honestly don’t know what it is about this digital short, but it made me laugh for about a minute after it ended. I can’t help it. I’m so amused by everything. The clapping, the Franco thumbs up, etc.

Hail to the King! Apparently Akiva Schaffer is going off to direct a movie, so I don’t know who will be directing the digital shorts in the meantime.

The Manuel Ortiz Show: I take back what I said about funny dancing getting me everytime, because this sketch is not so funny. “He was con mi!” Kristen’s dancing is great, Franco’s is .. well, he dances about as badly as humanly possible. I do enjoy his Latin lover posture, though. They cut Jason Sudeikis out of this sketch as the doctor who would be the next guest to discuss colon cancer.

Muse – “Uprising”: Oh, Muse. I feel like they held back a lot here, like they would blow the studio to smithereens if they played at full force. The lights create a great effect on TV that wasn’t as powerful in the studio. And everything that Matthew Bellamy is wearing was glittery. Except maybe the flag shirt. YEAH MUSE.

Weekend Update: It’s our weekly moment with Seth Meyers. Cut from Update were Kenan as Ebony Santa and Andy Samberg doing his spot-on Nicolas Cage impersonation. Sad, but Bobby’s Snooki and Fred and Kristen deserved to make it on.

My favorite joke of the night? “Sarah Palin was photographed in Hawaii this week wearing a McCain for President visor, but she had blacked out the letters of her former running mate’s name. She was going to black out all of it, but halfway through, she quit.”

Bill Hader coming in and dancing as The Situation just might be my favorite part of this entire episode. I’ve never watched Jersey Shore, so I can’t say whether or not this is accurate, but I saw a clip on The Soup of “The Situation” showing his abs during some video game awards, so I’m assuming it is. IT’S NOT A DEROGATONY WORD. The fact that you can see where Snooki’s orange skin ends and Bobby’s skin shows thorugh (and his chest hair), makes this even funnier to me.

Garth and Kat’s little made-up songs make me laugh. Now, since they’ve obviously rehearsed and there are cue cards, I don’t know how much is improved, but it seems pretty apparent that a lot of it is improvised. Fred and Kristen lost it a lot more in dress, and Seth joined in and sang a bunch, adding that they were singing his favorite song.

Hell Week: Despite Andy’s awful wig, I kind of love this sketch. Andy is a freshman pledging a frat full of people who can’t read, do math, tie shoe laces or understand where babies come from. Everyone in this sketch kind of lost it at dress when they handed him the lite beer and it was diet coke. I lost it, too. Sudeikis looks so worried about the tiny people in the TV. “WHAT’S AN OBAMA?” “YEAH, WHAT IS IT?” “Want to go back to your stork?” “Yeah, from earlier!” High five!

Vincent Price Christmas Special: You are a cat in an empty apartment. This is probably the weakest Vincent Price sketch, but since they’re always so great, that doesn’t mean it was bad. I love Kristen’s Katharine Hepburn, though she is cue card reading all over the place, and snapping the raccoon’s neck was pretty disturbing. Having Franco do James Dean is uninspired, but still pleasant.

“Who does four second asbestos commercials?!”

Christmas Trees: This sketch is just weird. In a bad way. Except Jason Sudeikis is so handsome buying a tree. At least Franco is game for anything.

Muse – “Starlight”: I’m not a big fan of this song. It’s Muse trying to be U2, and I’m (shock!) not that big into U2. I wish that they had rocked out with this song, too. Played “Hysteria” or something.

Dildo Factory: They’ve tried to do this sketch a million times and succeeded very few. This one is KIND of funny, and short enough that it doesn’t bother me too much. CAROL, HOLD MY CALLS. Ted Fields is allergic to himself, because he’s the dildo here.

Mark Wahlberg Talks to Christmas Animals: This sketch is great, but it obviously got condensed with the fact that it went on WITH ONE MINUTE TO GO. Also, I think that someone must have poked Don Pardo awake considering he started it with “This has been Mark Wahlberg Talks to Christmas Animals” instead of “And now, Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas animals” or something. I can’t even pretend that I don’t find this amazing. Now I’mma talk to a partridge. Where’s your pear tree? OH. There it is. Hey, snowman, I like your stick hands. I have real hands, but we can still hang out.

I’ll stop transcribing this now… I am just so into this. YOU HEAR ME RUDOLPH? AN AMAZON KINDLE.

Credits: Show ran long, so it’s a miracle they got any credits in and Franco obviously was cut-off midsentence. If you watch on Hulu, you can get the full thing! Including shots of Will Forte pulling off his bald cap, which is kind of scary.

In retrospect, the show was funnier than my initial reaction to it. Maybe because I’ve now seen each of the sketches three times (dress, live and replaying it now) and they’ve grown on me. James Franco’s episode last year was HILARIOUS, so I’m sad this didn’t live up to it. We’ll be back in 2010 with Charles Barkley and Alicia Keys. Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Happy holidays, all!

It’s been awhile. I haven’t even watched an episode of SNL since the Taylor Swift extravaganza, so I’m a little rusty. I’ve been out of town, had my family visit, gotten bronchitis, worked too much, seen a few bands, fallen in an inexplicable love for the drummer of the Arctic Monkeys and had that love realized when he sang this little ditty:

LOVE IT.

Anyways, I don’t know what to expect from an episode with two pretty boys (Taylor Lautner and Bon Jovi). I hope that this doesn’t end up being miserable. If it does, I’ll just continue watching Arctic Monkeys videos.

I have ONE THING to say about this SNL: There NEEDS to be a Jon Bovi appearance.

Cold Open: Mark Sanford, John Ensign and John Edwards discuss media coverage of Tiger Woods’ affairs on C-SPAN. There’s something so strange about Sudeikis’ wig. The way the light is reflecting off of it makes it look like he’s wearing a yarmulke. It’s vaguely distracting. I actually am not familiar with the John Ensign affair. So I looked it up. Also, Gov Sanford, your wife’s name was a Twitter trending topic the other day. Don’t worry, you’re getting your shitty coverage. A-Rod is Dominican. I’m bored. Wrap this ish up.

Monologue: I always thought his name was pronounced LOT-ner. I’m sorry for all of my mispronunciations, Shark Boy. How tall do we think this dude is? He’s making jokes about being a baby in heaven, but he’s got some pretty decent timing, so this could be okay. Like Kenan as Reba McEntire. He is also nervous laughing a lot.. hm. OMG. He just did a back flip for no reason. And showing off his crazy martial arts skills that have now caused Kanye West his head. I am laughing more than the audience is. That’s intimidating.

Rose Bowl Promos: Kenan had to run really fast to get to this scene for a four second camera stare. Could’ve been someone else, no? Taylor is Phil Pomeroy, a back-up QB who can’t handle looking into the camera and smiling. Now he’s dancing, and it’s weird.

Sue’s Secret: This is that Kristen Wiig sketch where she plays the lady who can’t keep a surprise. This one involves Abby Elliott and Taylor Lautner’s bad wig having a baby. Sue is eating a cheeseball because she just can’t handle the secret. And now her head is crammed in a stocking. And she has destroyed a gingerbread house and climbed up a chimney. So intense. And they’ve told their parents. Is Sue going to fall down the chimney? No, she is breaking through a window and stealing the Christmas tree. That’s what happens to me when I find out about secrets, too.

Next week is James Franco and Muse. Agh! I want to go!!

PGA Tour: Because we’ll never be done making Tiger Woods jokes. I like that New Zealand guy. I can’t remember his name, though. Jason Sudeikis is drinking in fear of all of the lost viewers while sponsors drop like flies.

Show Choir: It’s Jingle Jangle Jam time! They’re Christmas rapping, while Andy Samberg yells things from the crowd. Andy Samberg’s only job this episode has been to make funny faces. Now the Principal is making fun of them, aw. I kind of am in love with Andy Samberg right now, and I don’t know why, because this is juvenile. Poor little Mikosh. Samberg has now joined the show choir while Lautner moonwalks.

pGA Tour 2: Sudeikis is all touseld and drunk and being sponsored by Bernie Madoff and the movie Old Dogs. This sketch is pretty much Sudeikis at his best. The uncomfortable corporate man.

Bon Jovi – Superman Tonight: Since I don’t really care about Bon Jovi, let’s talk about bands I would rather see right now who could be on SNL. Arctic Monkeys. The Strokes. Vampire Weekend. I’ll interrupt this list to say that they shockingly sound awful. I wasn’t expecting this, honestly. And Richie Sambora is wearing way too much make-up. This is awkward and uncomfortable. But the SNL stage has pretty lights!

Weekend Update: Seth Meyers! In my unintentional SNL sabbatical, I have missed the Seth Meyers zingers. Tiger Woods side dishes! I hope that they mention that Annise Parker is the mayor of Houston.

Favorite line so far: During the Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday, President Obama presented an award to Bruce Springsteen saying, “I’m the President, but he’s the Boss,” at which point Springsteen ordered our troops out of Afghanistan.

Nasim Pedrad is out playing Tiger Woods’ Mistress Number Fifteen, but she also kind of looks like that Rachel Uchitel chick. And I am sad that I can mention Rachel Uchitel by name. And appearance.

Seth is squinting at a joke that went over bad, and well, that was funnier than the joke itself. Of course.

Fred Armisen is out as Billy Smith, the Native American comedian. This hasn’t been done in a long time. I miss the weird Fred bits like this. I also wish that it was tomorrow so that I could screen grab some of this, because both of their faces are so very amusing. And you can hear Seth laughing in the background. I love it.

I am about 100% certain that the Randy Moss joke is Seth’s favorite from this Update. And with a pause and a last minute reach out to tap the desk next to him (aw, he still does that, he’s so twee), we’re out.

Twilight: This is so obviously a Twilight sketch right away. Ha, Taylor Lautner is a high school chick who is Team Edward. For the record, I am Team Jacob, but only because I legitimately cannot handle how awful the books are and Jacob is the only real character in any of the books. But then they go and ruin it all by having him imprint at the end. That’s the most I will ever say about Twilight here. Anyways, the teacher is making them debate Team Edward vs Team Jacob in front of the class. Notebooks are for notes, not for kissing. I want to bake cookies on Taylor Lautner’s abs, too. Also, now we see that Taylor was wearing a jean skirt. Ha.

PGA Tour 3: Sudeikis is drunk and singing “Eye of the Tiger” with a tie around his head. The letter Q and Seltzer are now sponsors. I’m sure that this is all scripted, but this is something that Sudeikis would be great at improving, too. PS. YIKES!

Love Connection: We are taking a journey about makin’ LOVE connections around the world. We’ve stopped at Steven and Kendra in the froyo store in the mall. Steven just pulled a rubber ball out from between his legs. Loooove yeaahhhhh. Kenan keeps sliding in and out of the scene, but he just fell off his slider. He’s also not happy that Steven is obsessed with hobbits and unusually hairy. Okay!

Bon Jovi – When We Were Beautiful: We’re getting all serious here. And for the record, there has been no Jon Bovi, sio this episode is dead to me. At least the Bon Jovi parts. I’ve enjoyed Taylor Lautner.

Doorbells & More: Yeah, I don’t hang out with people with shitty doorbells. I’m just going to go ahead and say that I don’t like Jenny Slate that much. She’s awkward and looks like she’s trying too hard. Maybe when she gets more comfortable it’ll come together, but for now, I’d rather not see her headline a sketch. It’s kind of painful. Taylor Lautner has been more natural this episode than her. And hey! Fred Armisen, I almost forgot you were on this show. “Ding Dong, woof, bears.”

Closing: Taylor did a fairly admirable job. The episode was nothing exceptional, but it was watchable. I watched YouTube videos instead of Bon Jovi, though. Next week is going to bring the house down, right? RIGHT. Also, the awkwardly placed (but nice) memorial card to Heino Ripp, who was a tech director for SNL for a number of years.

Reason #91239921 for wanting to go to Olyvil: Is The 2012 Olympics Logo Naughty?

In a time when the lead stories are an unfortunate cop shooting and Tiger Woods’ various loves of the ladies, let’s all remember how awesome TR was.

Teddy Roosevelt Had The Worst Valentines Day Ever, And Then He Changed The World.

Since I feel kind of bad that I didn’t even bother watching last weekend’s SNL, I present to you Seth Meyers on the Late Show with David Letterman.

Ah, Seth, charming as ever. At least Palin got something right.

Because if 1960s Paul McCartney didn’t make you melt, you’re not human.

I wasn’t home this weekend to liveblog the SNL, and mayhaps I’ll try to do it sometime early this week. But I saw about four minutes of an awful Jekyll & Hyde sketch, so I’m not looking forward to it.

Instead I will leave you with this adorable (and old) seasonally relevant picture.

First things first, Julian Casablancas’ solo album, Phrazes for the Young came out this week, and amongst the amazingness is his cover of “I Wish it Was Christmas Today,” which is one of the better things to have happened on SNL in the last ten years. A clip that, sadly, because NBC is well-known for erasing it’s presence from YouTube, I can’t show you. But you CAN hear the song (and the album!) by clicking here.

Anywho, it was the song that Horatio sang with Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan. It also spread to Easter and other holidays. I was fortunate enough to see it in person once (the Janet Jackson episode), and I almost died laughing.

Speaking of that episode and dying laughing: Remember the cork soakers sketch?

To the show! Taylor Swift is America’s sweetheart these days, so I guess it makes sense, but I never would have thought of her as someone who should Host/MG. Though with SNL being worse than awful these days, why not?

Also, OMG GUYS, I FOUND THE CHRISTMAS TODAY VIDEO! Don’t tell NBC!!! Considering Tracy’s recent comments about Chris Kattan (and Cheri O’Teri), it kind of makes that seem less cheerful.

Cold Open: We’re opening with Kristen Wiig as Greta van Susteren instead of an awful Fred as Barack impersonation, so already we’re up. Shep Smith is scary as hell. Even though this isn’t a Barack opening and that’s great, the intro to this sketch makes me think it’s going to be a very, very long and not so funny cold open. Obama is responsible for the death of Michael Jackson. Hee. Loving America is legal again! Thanks, Glenn Beck. I like this impersonation.

Monologue: Taylor Swift sure is tall. And wearing a really not cute dress. There is something oddly Demetri Martin-like in her delivery. She’s going to sing “The Monologue Song (La La)” She’s singing about things she’s not going to talk about in her monologue, like how she writes songs about ex-boyfriends. So, when is she going to bring up Joe Jonas? Oh, there she is. “Hey Joe, I’m doing really well.” Did she really just blow a kiss to Taylor Lautner in her monologue song? Ha. This is cutesy funny. This is like, Sonny With a Chance funny. And last time I checked, this was not the Disney channel. It was 11:30 on a Saturday. That’s okay! Because I enjoy both kinds of humour! Booyah! The suspect sketch looks more like T.I. then Kanye West. Hm. “We have a great show, Kanye West is not here.”

Carter N’ Sons BBQ: It’s important for everyone to know that this commercial was filmed in 2002 before the swine flu outbreak. Why? Because this is a commercial for Carter N’ Sons BBQ, where if you try their pulled pork, you’ll get SWINE FEVER! Swine fever IS NOT related to Swine Flu. It’s super contagious! Jason Sudeikis is all over this mother tonight. Don’t forget to try the Sausage and Ribs Combo! They recognize that this spells SARS. They regret the coincidence. Funniest commercial they’ve had all season.

The View: Taylor Swift is Kate Gosselin. “So what, who cares?” Nasim Pedrad is doing Barbara Walters. I like it. Gosselin also has a beautiful American hairstyle. There is a side view of the set right now, and Kristen (as Elizabeth Hasselbeck) is speaking directly to Kate Gosselin while not looking at her AT ALL, and maybe it’s part of the Hasselbeck impression that I just don’t understand as someone who has never seen an episode of the View, but if not, HOLY FUCK, KRISTEN, you’ve been on the show for a really long time now. GET USED TO CUE CARDS. (I recognize that I just wrote the longest sentence ever. Sorry.) I thought that the sketch was about to end, and instead they’re bringing out a guest. Andy Samberg as Nicolas Cage. And hey! Andy can do an impression!

Digital Short: This is very early in the ep for a digital short. It’s a movie trailer. And it’s mocking Twilight as Firelight. Twilight about Frankenstein. I would see this. Taylor Swift has the bad acting Kristen Stewart lip bite down pat. And now there are mummies! It would be awesome if that mummy were Taylor Lautner and not Andy Samberg. Oh well. I wish there was more of that.

Hollywood Dish Interview: Taylor is being interviewed by people with really exaggerated facial expressions. They nod like that so everyone knows their engaged and listening. Now they look frightened. Sight gags aplenty! Now they’re bringing up Kanye West and asking her to laugh more. Her crazy big fake laugh is scary. Bill Hader just spit taked all over Kristen Wiig’s face. That was fantastic. Spit takes are hilarious.

Next week January Jones with the Black Eyed Peas. As good as the Jon Hamm episode was last year, I think that January Jones is an extremely limited actress, and I’m not sure that I can handle watching her try to be funny for an hour and a half. And I DO NOT LIKE the Black Eyed Peas. Jones may pleasantly surprise me, though, as she was moderately funny in her Love, Actually cameo. Kind of.

T.R.A.A.A.P.D.: Oh yeah, I forgot about Abby Elliott. Taylor Swift is playing a gal named Samantha with a crazy retainer who wants everyone to know that teens who text while driving aren’t the only bad drivers. Teens Raising Awareness about Awful Parent Drivers is her organization. More Sudeikis and Wiig. They’re driving while giving the Birds and the Bees talk, racing to sweater sales at Nordstrom’s, arguing with the GPS, etc. Driving while having a sarcastic conversation with the car in front of you. Man, that’s me. All. the. time.

Taylor Swift “You Belong with Me”: I like this dress much more than her monologue dress. She can’t sing about how “She wears short skirts” when she’s wearing a short dress, can she? She is. Her voice isn’t as strong as I would expect. She’s singing very quietly, and it’s shaky. Lackluster, Taylor. Lackluster.

Weekend Update: Hi, Sethly. He just opened with perhaps my favorite WU joke this year. Let’s quote! “This week in a positive sign that the economy may be recovering, New Yorkers started buying big ticket items again, like elections and championships.” The health care reform bill passed the House vote. And.. Seth just said that. I’m glad that WU can break some news. I watched the vote. It made me feel all tingly inside. Nicholas Fehn! It’s been awhile.

Taylor Swift and SNL are trending right now on twitter. The teenies are mad!

hilsjonas Huh? RT @jonasnatasha Taylor Swift disses Kanye West and Joe Jonas ? And mocked Twilight ? What the fuck is going on with her ?

Teenies! Don’t curse!

Abby Elliott as Sarah McLachlan. Not shocking, as she played McLachlan in a sketch that was cut last year about the ASPCA commercials. And that’s exactly what they’re doing here. Reformat a sketch into an Update appearance. A woman has two vaginas and menstrual cycles? Oh geez.

OMG REALLY WITH SETH AND AMY OMG AMY WHAT AHHHHHHH.

I had stopped paying attention to read more Taylor Swift Twitter updates, so let’s rewind to find the premise. Ah, yes, the wonderful story of the CDC giving H1N1 vaccines to Goldman Sachs et al.

REALLY?! Are flu shots like bonuses now?

That wasn’t super funny, but it was still awesome. Ugh, I love them. Unabashedly.

Penelope: Oh God, not this character again. Why, why, why? Who would invite Penelope to a wedding? Will Forte, that is a crazy vest. Penelope has a salad bar in her car. It runs on blue cheese dressing. They keep saying really, and it’s distracting after “Really with Seth & Amy” just ended. The moon is made of honey! Swift’s Penelope impression was pretty on. She’s been really touch and go with the acting all night. But the sketches have been fairly amusing, and she’s not claiming to be an actress, so I’ll give her a pass.

Scared Straight: Ugh, ugh, ugh, another annoying recurring character. If Swift is not one of the kids, is she going to be a convict? Yes, yes, she is. She’s assisting Kenan’s McIntosh. And she has dreads. And lip gloss. Taylor Swift is so skinny. I just got really sleepy. I don’t think I can handle this right now. The movie plots he’s stealing tonight are Top Gun, Sound of Music and Back to the Future. How do you solve a problem like gonorrhea? Oh no, Bill is losing it. Bill always loses it in this sketch, doesn’t he? He has the best preventative face ever. It’s so hard to not laugh at Bill trying not to laugh. He instinctively goes to cover his mouth and realizes he cant do that, and it’s great. So great. 1.21 jizzawatts! Wow, now Jason is laughing. That came out of nowhere. And Bill is CRACKING UP.

Roommate: Nasim Pedrad is really close to her roommate. They don’t like to be apart for any period of time. It’s awkward. This sketch is so strange, and Taylor Swift has huge feet. Nasim Pedrad is kind of great. I hope she gets more to do. Cut some Kristen Wiig time.

Taylor Swift – “Untouchable”: Somebody just yelled “once again Taylor Swift!” even though the camera wasn’t on them at all and it seems like they weren’t ready. Was it Amy Poehler? Kind of sounded like her. Slow song. There are lit candles. I don’t like this song. Or her country prom dress.

Bunny Business: Bunnies with ambition! Randy Newman did the soundtrack, and now he’s singing the songs! Fred hasn’t been in the episode that much. Boo! Natalie Merchant. Randy Newman and Natalie Merchant. Old references for an episode that has played really, really young. Taylor Swift can do a pretty good Shakira. I’m impressed. She obviously can’t dance anything like her, though. Eddie Vedder and Christina Aguilera? Abby needs to stop singing. Seriously. Kenan as Jennifer Hudson. This is funnier than it should be.

Closing: This was the best episode of the season, which isn’t saying much. It played really young, which obviously makes sense given the host, but considering how genuinely awful the season has been, I want them to prove they can write sketches for adults again. Until then, impressing audiences with Disney Channel sketches doesn’t really fly. And not to sound too negative, because I actually did enjoy the episode. Taylor did a decent job. She was a much better host than musical guest. I hope that they can keep this up with January Jones. And maybe give Will Forte more to do.

Now I’ll go watch yesterday’s episode of White Collar. Anyone else think Matt Bomer is the poor man’s Jon Hamm?

Here’s the deal, bloggie buddies. I have satellite cable, and due to a pretty big storm last night, I am pretty much unable to liveblog the show. Normally the full episodes have been up on Hulu, but that hasn’t happened this week yet. So I’ll get through what I can, but then we’ll call the rest of it a bye week.

Cold Open: The third cold open in the last three weeks with Fred Armisen half-assing an Obama impression while staring at cue cards. After watching Armisen on Parks and Recreation this week, I remembered how funny he can be. So, what happened? Is he just giving up? Is he as tired of the crummy writing as I am this season? Obama is going to turn into The-ROCK Obama again, isn’t he? Yep. Which is fantastic, because sadly, the Rock does a better impression of Obama than Armisen does. My satellite is cutting out again, so I am not really getting much besides Hader barking and I think someone might have gotten thrown out of a window.

Okay, my sattelitte has jumped me ahead by like a half hour. Are Rob Schneider, Kevin Nealon and Harvey Keitel really on the show laughing hysterically? I am very confused. Can anyone who actually saw this explain what happened?

Shakira – She Wolf: Shakira has someone playing keytar. She’s also singing along to a backing track and belly dancing. There’s not much more to say about this.

Okay, there’s an “SNL Backstage” thing showing a clip from dress rehearsal where Bill Hader cracks up, so I’m assuming that this is what the Kevin Nealon/Rob Schneider thing was, no? I love it when Bill Hader laughs. Especially because he looks like he’s dying. And I’m proud of Andy and Shia LaBeouf for holding it in there.

Weekend Update: Olympia Snowe and Seth Meyers have the same nose.

Two gay guys from New Jersey who are in the military! Recurring Update characters that never get old to me.

The balloon from Colorado can talk. He’s crying to Seth. And that was a weird little bit. Fair enough.

Gerard Butler! Scottish. I saw an interview with him the other day which said that everyone in America pronounces his name wrong. Seth is translating everything for Gerard and I really enjoy Scotland. What a glorious country. Can I move their and watch SNL on satellite like the Butler family?

As much as Kristen can be over the top sometimes, I think this appearance on WU kind of proves how awesome she is. And I have officially laughed outloud at “Thank you for coming.” So much so that I will now link to the clip on Hulu.

I like these backstage clips. Because it kind of shows how awesome dress rehearsal can be. And why I always choose going to dress rehearsal instead of the live show.

The Spartans – Because no Gerard Butler SNL would be complete without a 300 reference. This is another gays in the military thing. Just wrapped up in the Spartan covering. Everyone in the army is gay, because don’t ask don’t tell was repealed. This is the first real sketch that I was able to see with my satellite problems and clunker city.

More dress rehearsal clips. This one with Will Ferrell, Sean Hayes and Jimmy Fallon laughing it up.

What Up With That?: James Franco! WTF. So hot. And unexpected. I need more James Franco and less unfunny singing. MOVE ON. Is it just me or is James Franco starting to look a little like Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Also, this whole sketch is going to be about Kenan singing and Jason Sudeikis doing the Rerun dance isn’t it?

I think that if Jason Sudeikis (and Will Forte later) weren’t going all out with the dancing, this wouldn’t have been even remotely funny. It’s a shame we don’t even get a chance to see James Franco dancing at the end because of the graphic. I saw him throw his arms up, so I’m sure it was amusing. Hader’s dance was.

Hey SNL, ever hear of humour?

New Secretary: We’ve reached the cottage cheese jokes part of the night. And it’s another Kristen Wiig recurring character that I could do with never seeing again. Gerard Butler kind of looks like a chipmunk right now. I’m confused. Also, why make Gerard Butler American? He clearly has issues with maintaining the accent, so why bother? Just let the man be Scottish. And oh, HA HA, HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT A PEN CAP WAS. HA HA HA SNL YOU SO FUNNY.

Shakira – “Did it Again”: I want to be a back-up drummer/dancer for Shakira. Is she still engaged to a prince or something? Wikipedia time! Okay, not a prince, the son of the old President of Argentina. And they’ve been engaged for 8 years. Also of note: Shakira is intensely interested in world history. She frequently studies the history and languages of the countries she visits. After her Oral Fixation tour ended in summer 2007, Shakira audited a class in Los Angeles at UCLA, on the History of Western Civilization. She used her middle and last names, Isabel Mebarak, and told the professor she was visiting from Colombia so as to avoid being recognized as a celebrity.

I love her.

Daveheart: Second sketch with Butler in charge of an army. At the very least, this one if pretty funny. I like it. “I can’t piss myself more than I already have.” What can of accent is Jenny Slate going for here? Apparently it’s French. But it’s awful.

Goodnights: Hello, kilt picture. James Franco really had a lot to do tonight. But he gets to stand there and smile next to Shakira and Gerry. Despite the hotness and Butler’s enthusiasm and v-neck sweater, this was not good.

So we’re going into reruns next week, thankfully, because the writers aren’t even trying anymore, and I can’t believe that anybody finds this to be 1) funny and 2) worthy of being shown to anyone. I’ve never been happier that my satellite decided not to work so that I can ignore this. Because even the hour that I was able to watch made me want to pull my hair out. I am not even seeing the possibility of a turnaround. Sigh.