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THE OLYMPICS OF POLITICS: LIVEBLOGGING THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

September 27, 2008
NICE.

NICE.

I’ve never done this before. To be perfectly honest, I’ve never even WATCHED these before. It’s 9:04pm and the candidates just came in a moment ago. Obama is answering the first question and I was saying something to Kim so I’m not even really sure what the question was. But that’s not what’s important. What’s important is this:

Killer Kim: i have beer but no bottle opener
Killer Kim: obama looks way darker than usual
Killer Kim: why is he darker?
Celisse: i dont think so
Killer Kim: im srs
Killer Kim: im going to try a dif channel
Killer Kim: i think its the dark background

AND THAT’S OUR SHOW, FOLKS.

Just kidding.

McCain starts his first 2-minutes by rambling about Senator Kennedy being in the hospital. Well, that’s relevant when all you’ve got is 2 minutes. But according to that ad on the WSJ website, he already won! So that’s cool.

Now McCain is babbling about how he warned about corporate greed, and how the important thing is taking responsibility. Yeah, like the time you blamed the failure of the economy last week on Barack Obama? Yeah, okay.

The moderator wants Barack to talk directly to John. FRIENDLY. No, not friendly. I hope they end up wrasslin’ on the floor in Ole Miss.

Killer Kim: i wish mccain wore a toupee

The next question is asking what McCain’s “fundamentals” are for getting the economy out of this mess. He starts off by saying enough of the corporate spending. McCain has an old pen. Is it older than he is? He says he’s gonna veto every spending bill he sees. Oh, okay.

Kim is going to count the number of Uhh’s that Obama utters within the next minute. She’s a nutcase about this, apparently.

Celisse: GO.
Killer Kim: hahahaha ok
Killer Kim: oooo he held one in there
Celisse: HAHAHA
Killer Kim: its not so much the uhhing as the audible noise of nothingness that he does
[Killer Kim: and yeah i counted two
Killer Kim: that i cant put into words
Killer Kim: lets just call it barack noise

MCCAIN JUST SAID HE DIDN’T WIN MISS CONGENIALITY IN THE SENATE, AND I LITERALLY JUST SHOUTED “YEAH, COS YOUR DUMB RUNNING MATE DID” AT MY TV. This is why I can never be in the silent audience of a presidential debate.

While literally ARGUING about tax breaks, McCain just powerfully used the phrase “FESTOONED WITH CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS”, referring to the number of tax breaks for oil companies on a bill that he supposedly voted against, and Obama supposedly voted for. Obama is ragin’.

Killer Kim: FESTOONED?!
Celisse: FESTOONED WITH CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS
Killer Kim: he really is 128
Killer Kim: did he almost call him captain obama?
Killer Kim: can we get back to that?

I feel bad like attacking every response that McCain has, but seriously, everything he says just fills me with a huge sense of WTF? Is that bad?

I mean, hes 72 years old and he just looks like a little kid all the time. Hard to take him seriously, like, EVER.

I mean, he's 72 years old and he just looks like a little kid all the time. Hard to take him seriously, like, EVER.

Barack is back to the Barack Noise. He kinda stopped when he was VERBALLY BITCH-SLAPPING Johnny Boy, but now it’s back:

Celisse: AAAAA-A-AH-AH-AH AS I SAID BEFORE
Killer Kim: but uehhewrkerjerk john
Killer Kim: whoa, i typed jerk
Killer Kim: that was totally random keys too
Killer Kim: freudian random type!

Okay, AGAIN with the Miss Congeniality thing? Is this like an action code to Palin? Everytime he says Miss Congeniality, she has to kill a polar bear?

Killer Kim: McCain wants everyone to know that he is NOT Miss Congeniality. But he is a maverick. As is his running mate. Who is also Miss Congeniality.
Killer Kim: And we just keep going in circles until my head explodes.

Word, Kim. I can’t deal with this.

I’m tired of these people rambling about Iraq. I don’t care who says what until someone says YEAH WE’RE PULLIN OUT FASTER THAN BRISTOL PALIN’S BOYFRIEND WITHOUT A CONDOM.
Why does McCain keep doing that creepy smile? He’s telling a personal story about being in Baghdad two years ago, and how our troops are winning in Iraq. Obama keeps trying to interrupt and the mediator is like HOLD ON YOUR PANTS, MAN.

Now Obama is saying that everything McCain just said is untrue, and that we need to give back Iraq it’s own country, but that Afghanistan needs more support because it is deteriorating more and more.

Honestly, not gonna lie, I didn’t like going over there to begin with and I don’t like that we’re still there and I want US troops out of the whole of friggen Middle East. Let those people bury eachother, I am honestly so over it. BUT THAT IS JUST MY OPINION, WHATEVER, Y’ALL THINK WHAT YOU WANT.

I need a commercial break, man. This is gettin’ to be annoying.

From Gawker:

Spirit Fingers 9:57 PM
Dear Lord. Obama is scaring me tonight. He’s killing Bin Laden and taking out Pakistan. Yikes.

Hah. Truth.

dogisdead 10:00 PM Oh, fuck you, McCain. “Just like the mother who I met at the airport the other day, whose son has just been killed.” Ugh. I hate when they – any candidate – OH OBAMA’S DOING IT TOO oh jesus christ I’m breaking out the emergency red wine.

THANK YOU, PERSON. I AGREE COMPLETELY. Except I don’t drink red wine.

The Mediator is asking about their opinions on the threat of Iran. McCain is talking about a Second Holocaust. I must have missed something cos I don’t get it. I like Obama’s pronounciations of Arabic words. That’s what’s really important in this debate, clearly.

Kim just had a little bit of a FREAK OUT:

Killer Kim: stop
Killer Kim: fucking
Killer Kim: saying
Killer Kim: that
Killer Kim: mccain
Killer Kim: is
Killer Kim: absolutely
Killer Kim: right
Killer Kim: THIS IS A DEBATE
Killer Kim: YOU ARE ON OPPOSITE SIDES, BARRY

Killer Kim: holy fucking shit

I don’t like that shit either, really. It’s very passive-aggressive, like that scene in the season opener of The Hills last month where Lo and Audrina were talking and Audrina was like telling Lo how she was feeling, and Lo was like “Well I understand that, but…..” and then she’d completely negate her feelings. I HATE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVENESS. I WANT A FRIGGEN THUNDADOME.

McCain looked into Putin’s eyes and saw three letters: K, G, and B. I think McCain’s been hittin the brownies before he looked into those eyes.

Killer Kim: i saw an L an O and an L

Xenu said, (1 minute ago)McCain is kinda like one of those old dudes who is always trying to tell you stories about how things were back in the day, except they’re all lies.

Those Eyes definitely say L and O and L.

Those Eyes definitely say L and O and L.

Haaahaha. Word.

Oh fuck this 9/11 question. I’m sorry. Ending the debate with a lead question about 9/11 is lame. Obama is talking again about getting to the “root of the problem” in countries like Afghanistan and Pakistan, and honestly, it’s really bothering me. Call me naive or stupid or unpatriotic or whatever, I am so over the war on terrorism. A candidate speaking so openly about pulling out of Iraq, yet getting involved with Pakistan and Afghanistan is worrisome, to me.

The candidates are making their closing points now.

This whole thing was very depressing for me. I need a nap. Michelle Obama has some junk in the trunk though, holy jeez.

No seriously, check out the junk.

No seriously, check out the junk. It's like POW.

McCain always looks s'damn goofy.

McCain always looks s'damn goofy.

Well, that was that. This was less fun than the Olympics, not gonna lie. Totally totally drinking through the next one, so lets start working on some drinking game rules, k?

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. September 27, 2008 3:00 am

    Nice writing style. I look forward to reading more in the future.

  2. C. Monkey permalink
    September 27, 2008 4:20 am

    Okay- watching this on TiVo and I’m pretty buzzed and everyone around me has had more to drink than I have.

  3. September 27, 2008 4:23 am

    Bustie — everytime Obama says he agrees with McCain, someone has to take a body shot offa you.

  4. September 27, 2008 6:28 am

    Okay so, I’ve yet to watch the debate because I was surrounded by Southern-Baptist republicans and didn’t feel like punching my one-day-to-be in-laws. BUT I’m about to watch that shit right now, with my own beer and my own banana and my own opinions. I will probably re-comment when I’m done.

    I do have to say that the caption of Michelle’s junk in the trunk picture was a little misleading. You said, “It’s like POW.” Now, I’m wondering to myself, ‘is Celisse calling Michelle Obama’s junk in the trunk a Prisoner of War? Because I agree. GIVE THAT THING FREEDOM, BITCH. LET IT RIDE!!!’

  5. September 27, 2008 4:29 pm

    aaahahahaha menda, after I posted it, I thought the SAME THING and I was like … maybe I should change it. BUT NO.

  6. September 27, 2008 6:23 pm

    I like the way you wrote about this one… I got the feeling that McCain was a bit of a loose cannon who would take too many risks, and Obama was a lot more reasonable and measured. The CNN onscreen response ticker went down every time McCain went negative, and Obama’s feedback was overall more positve than McCain’s. TBH, how Republican’s or Democrats are going to vote is far less important than how the Independents go. And here, McCain seems to be well out of touch.

  7. September 27, 2008 7:18 pm

    Everything McCain has been doing in the past month or so has completely been lost on me, honestly. It’s like he’s completely given up even trying to win anymore, and he’s just out to make this whole thing look as silly and ridiculous as possible.

    Unfortunately, at the same time, Obama didn’t really inspire me. To be perfectly honest, though, I was never an Obama girl. I support him now because.. what’s the alternative? And for the most part, I do like him, but I expected him to be more powerful in this debate, and I was left disappointed. Maybe he’s saving himself for later debates.

    McCain’s a nutcase, though. I can’t take anything he says seriously.

    I wish I had gotten to see the feedback ticker thing on CNN. I was watching MSNBC, which didn’t have ANYTHING like that, and everytime I tried to find CNN on my satellite, I’d lose focus of what was going on, so I just gave up. WOE.

Trackbacks

  1. Crazy Olyvil Election Day Coverage: The Sappy Edition « Aspirations of OlyVil — Two girls scheming their way into the Olympic Village

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