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Get your drinks ready, guys. It’s almost go-time!

October 3, 2008

So, for those of you who are living under a rock, the Vice Presidential Debate between Democrat Senator Joe Biden, and Republican Governor Sarah Palin is gonna be happening in just about an hour or so. After a disappointing debate between the two presidential candidates last Friday, this is just what we need to get our spirits back up, bring on the roffles, and provide even more fodder for SNL this week. IT’S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

I will be drinking through this one, because something tells me I’m gonna NEED a good drink to withstand 2 hours of babbling Sarah Palin. For any of you [of legal voting AND drinking age DISCLAIMERDISCLAIMER] who are currently setting up your own home viewing parties, here are some fun little games for you to play while you watch.

The Official* Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game:

For Sarah Palin:

  1. Every time Palin mentions one of her kids by name, take the number of drinks corresponding to that child’s number in her brood (e.g. 1 drink for Track, 2 drinks for Bristol, 3 drinks for Willow, 4 drinks for Piper and 5 drinks for Trig).  If she does not give a name, take 1 drink.
  2. When Palin mentions 9/11 in a textually-relevant manner (e.g. “We need to prevent another attack like the one on 9/11″), take 1 drink.  When Palin mentions 9/11 in a gratuitous, textually-irrelevant manner (e.g. “When my son Track was sent over to Iraq on 9/11…”), take 2 drinks.
  3. If Palin uses the phrase, “hockey mom”, drink until she takes the self-satisfied smirk off her face.

For Joe Biden:

  1. Every time Biden chuckles condescendingly at Sarah Palin, take 1 drink.  Every time Biden chuckles condescendingly at moderator Gwen Ifill, take 2 drinks.
  2. Every time Biden refers to himself in the third person, take 1 drink.  If he uses his full name (e.g. “When people ask me, ‘Joe Biden, how did you become so good looking?’”), take 2 drinks.
  3. If Biden points out that despite being less than 1/100th the size, Delaware has more people than Alaska, drink until you see the bottom of your glass.

If either candidate says:

  1. Russia, take 1 drink.  U.S.S.R., take 2 drinks.  Swimming the Bering Straight, take 3 drinks.
  2. Hillary Clinton, take 1 drink.  Bill Clinton, take 2 drinks.  Monica Lewinsky, take 3 drinks.
  3. Dick Cheney, take 1 drink.  Tricky Dick, take 2 drinks.  Sucking dick, take 3 drinks.

Finally, if at any point Biden uses the phrase “I know Geraldine Ferraro; Geraldine Ferraro is a friend of mine.  Governor, you’re no Geraldine Ferraro,” chug your beer, turn off your TV, and shoot yourself in the head.

Brought to you by Slander ’08.

And then, for people who enjoy a little more old-school fun via a NICE COMPETITIVE GAME OF BINGO, may I present to you PALINBINGO.

Pretty straightforward. On the site you can print out one of 4 pre-made cards, or you can make one of your own. Everytime Palin mentions one of the phrases on the cards, you cross it off. Five boxes in a single row? YOU WIN! Also, IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC IN TRAINING LIKE ME, you can add some drinking for extra fun.

Example:

So brilliant. Check out the website for more cards.

LET’S GET THIS PARTY STAAAAAARTED.

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