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Liveblogging the Town Hall!

October 8, 2008

I missed the intros. One of the problems of waiting until the last minute to do your laundry in New York is that you have to lug a bunch of stuff around when you should be in your apartment playing the Presidential debate drinking game. This doesn’t work out when you didn’t get the chance to buy yourself anything to drink. Or when you didn’t know that you would be liveblogging because Celisse has no internet and is on a conference call.

Fluttery nerves out of the way and all, we already have John McCain making jokes about Tom Brokaw not being appointed to any positions. Ha ha ha!

Barack Obama seems to have worked hard on his posture, and it shows. Really sleek posture there, Barry.

John McCain is really into using the word “crony” tonight. Barack snarked! He snarked! “I have to correct some of his history — not surprisingly.” We’re already twenty times dirtier than we were in the last debate.

I have to apologize in advance, for I am not very smart when it comes to the economy. I’ve been trying to learn more and more the past year, and I can understand some basic concepts. I cannot, however, tell you whose points are better in this part. I can tell you that Barack is doing better at keeping the Barack noise in check. I can tell you that John McCain, Barack Obama and Tom Brokaw are all left-handed. I can tell you that I just got a text message that said this: “Why didn’t Obama call out McCain on getting all that dough from Freddie Mac to fund his campaign? DAMNIT OBAMA. Just tackle him already!” I concur. Especially on the heels of the Keating Five commercials.

Question: How can we trust either of you with our money in this crisis?

John McCain says that we can trust him because he reaches across the aisle and pals around with Lieberman. He is also walking pretty far across the way, and it looks as if he’s finding an exit. Projectors cost $300 million? Did I hear that right?

McCain also says we can work on three things at once. Except that like, two weeks ago you suspended your campaign because you couldn’t handle campaigning and fixing the economy. Huh. Twenty five thousand dollars says Obama doesn’t call him out on that.

Barack Obama just made a point that I made earlier today. Based on an old West Wing episode. President Bartlet wanted to declare that they would cure cancer in his State of the Union. It was viewed as foolish, until he reminded everyone that Kennedy said the same thing about putting a man on the moon. He said it, it was done. Obama, once again, taking a page out of the West Wing. I approve.

President Bartlet approves this message.

President Bartlet approves this message.

Question: What would Americans have to sacrifice?

John McCain wants to eliminate earmarks. And $300 million overhead projectors. There will be a spending freeze except for defense. And some kid in the back (who asked a question before, but that was when I was dragging my laundry bag in) just totally raised his eyebrows. Don’t take away our spending! We’ll get to work right away — unless it costs money? What is going on?

Bad for the economy.

Bad for the economy.

Barack Obama wants us to sacrifice things, too. Like energy. My living room light is on, and I’m not out there. Obama has just inspired me to turn that light off.

Question: How will we solve the problem of too much debt?

Barack just made a strong point. Earmarks = $18 billion. We’re talking trillions here, John. And when you’re arguing tax cuts for the wealthy, and also arguing for a freeze for spending in every.single.program… you’re not making sense.

McCain wants you all to remember Herbert Hoover. If you’re going to drive us all into a panic about shantytowns, you might as well use the right term. I don’t want anymore of these checks from the government. They’re taxable, and it’s going to bite us in the ass next year. So when I’m being handed money to get health insurance that I’ll need to pay back later, well, why not just hand me health insurance instead? That’s getting worse, not better.

Question: Would you give Congress a date to reform social security and medicare?

Tom Brokaw is feisty. He won’t let Obama talk about taxes. It doesn’t matter, because he’s going to talk about them anyways. Just like Palin did last week. Oh snap, McCain called him out on it. Too bad Obama didn’t pull a Palin cough or something. Hey, wait! McCain didn’t answer the question either!

Brokaw really needs to stop interrupting them in their debate. I love Tom Brokaw. Tonight he’s pissing me off.

Question: What are you going to do in the first two years for the environment?

Battery powered cars! Americans are the best innovators and producers. Something tells me that’s not entirely true. Also, I can’t really fault him for this, but after almost every answer, McCain does this weird slimy swallow thing, and it’s truly skeeving me out. Obama wants us to have an engine that drives into the future. I hope it’s in the shape of a Delorean.

Tom Brokaw is just going to take Barack Obama and John McCain out and run for President himself. John McCain is kind of making we want candy. He keeps talking about goodies and the French and he is really losing the men in Ohio.

I will just direct this to Gawker, because I am on a candy search.

9:49 PM THAT ONE??

A “you people” moment perhaps? Wow. McCain just revealed his totally psychopathic approach to this race.

9:49 PM
That one?
Maybe he can’t remember who Obama is.
PeePaw is old.

9:49 PM THAT ONE?!??! What the fuck? This isn’t drunk Thanksgiving dinner talking about your idiot brother. This is a presidential debate. jesus.

Question: Should health care be treated as a commodity?

Obama just said mammograms. I am distracted. McCain is reminding people of the differences between Republicans and Democrats. He also said, “A better plan that suits you best.” McCain! The light is red! Hush! Stop talking about how you need hair plugs! Leave Joe Sixpack alone!

9:54 PM SENATOR OBAMA WILL FIND YOU AND GASP! MAKE SURE YOU HAVE INSURANCE! AND NOT DIE! I, on the other hand, can care less if you die. Now, who you gonna vote for?

Question: Is health care a privilege, a right or a responsibility?

It’s a right! Obama talking about his mom got the uncommitted voters in a tizzy. The women are in a passionate love affair with Obama. The men are moderately impressed. CNN lines, you are exciting me. Too bad you don’t come with a candy bar.

I wish I had a running tally of the times McCain says, “my friends.” Also, is he aware that the world is not flat? I’m not entirely sure. Maybe he’s been listening to too much Death Cab for Cutie. I wish the world were flat like the old days…

Question: How will recent economic distress affect US ability to be a peacemaker?

McCain looks like he is drawing happy faces while Obama talks. Obama called McCain a cheerleader. And mocking the “Senator Obama doesn’t seem to understand..” comments from the last debate. Since this is right after his great healthcare answer, it’s golden.

Question: The Obama doctrine and the McCain doctrine. More things for Sarah Palin to not understand.

I choose to ignore these answers and focus instead on Katie Hamm’s question delivery. Didn’t these people submit these questions? Shouldn’t they be a little more familiar with what the question is? I know that if I were going to be on live television asking a presidential candidate to answer my question about Pakistani sovereignty, I would want to look like I knew what I was talking about. Especially if I submitted the question. It also might be cooler if they had them run down stairs set to music Price is Right style.

Question: Should the US respect Pakistani sovereignty or ignore it and pursue Al Qaeda?

I was too focused on Katie Hamm to effectively listen to Obama, but he just said that we will kill bin Laden. That was shocking. McCain seems so shocked that he doesn’t know what to say. McCain’s hero is Teddy Roosevelt, and he can’t even get his quote right. Man, everybody is so snarky tonight. McCain is going to blow a gasket. Seriously, this is NOT Last Presidential Candidate Standing, McCain. Please just stop. Please stop. The jokes, they are not funny.

10:15 PM Obama finally issued a smackdown. Thank you, sir. It took a while, but that felt good. I was waiting for the “Bomb, bomb, bomb Iran,” note to hit and yowza that was great.

Apparently myself and many other people that I have mentioned it to have started singing Day-o because of McCain’s awesome pronounciation of Taliban. Tali-me banana, indeed.

Question: How do we apply pressure to Russian?

I vote we just stare them down from Alaska.

Barack spent too much time practicing questions about Russia. You can tell. The Barack noise is off the chain here. Eh, uh, ejwerwelkjr, Estonia.

Question: Is Russia an evil empire?

Barack did not answer yes or no. McCain said maybe. He doesn’t want to say yes because he doesn’t want to start Cold War II. The Russians, he thinks we can deal with them. Russians, watch out. I will be defending my interests.

Last question! It’s from New Hampshire! What don’t you know and how will you learn it?

Obama makes a crack about his wife. Michelle Obama is looking at him lovingly. He’s answering this as if he’s on a job interview. And he is. Good call. Singing a song about the American dream. He’s speaking from the heart on this — there’s no Barack noise. I wanted to applaud that. Damn, yo.

McCain doesn’t know the future. He also just used the word comrades. Are we not defending our interests from the Russians anymore? McCain does not have a steady hand for the tiller. He should not use metaphors that aren’t true about him. Obama and McCain just blocked Brokaw’s view. Brokaw cannot improv. He can sass, though.

I’m calling this times a million for Obama. Now THAT’s what we needed last time. Time to go, my friends.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 8, 2008 5:40 pm

    Whatever good aspects Se. McCain has, he certainly got tthis wrong. It was $3million, and it was for the whole planetarium.
    I can’t imagine what an overhead projector would have to be worth $300 million. Most professional models go for well under $4,000


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