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The Not Even Close to Instant Rosario Dawson/Fleet Foxes Review

January 25, 2009

New idea! Because tonight isn’t a new episode of SNL and I’m home because it’s like 8 degrees windchill (literally!) outside, I figured I’d liveblog the episode that was on last week. I recently got DVR, and it’s kind of like having a new piece of magic to further prevent me from leading an active lifestyle. And if you stumbled upon this here blog trying to figure out what a doody or coochie rag is, see this post here.

Anyways, I haven’t watched the episode yet. However, I have heard that it’s a raging piece of crap. Crap! So I’m expecting a lot of sassy Latina business and things worthy of eye rolling and maybe the word “cholo.” I guess Saturday Night Live in the post-Obama world just isn’t as funny. Though I do hear that Jon Stewart still brought the funny on inauguration night. I’ll have to watch it on the Hulu at some point. Fleet Foxes are excellent, though, so I’ll at least look forward to those harmonies. Man, going into a “liveblog” with an advanced negative bias is no good.

And man, I’ve been on the phone with my mom having her gush about inauguration for about twenty minutes now. This is kind of hilar.

Cold Open — ABC News Special w/ Dick Cheney: Is Diane Sawyer’s hair really this long now? I don’t doubt that Diane Sawyer kind of sounds like this, but it’s hard to hear it as her when she.. just looks like Kristen Wiig. There’s no facial make-up going on here at all. Dick Cheney is such a creeper. So, this is just going to go, “Blah blah, Republican screw up.” “Blah Blah, no.” So, haha, Dick Cheney has no regrets. Here’s something else he probably doesn’t regret: the engagement of Peggy Olsen and Fred Armisen. I wonder if Fred is going to become Scientologist now. I would regret that. Kristen Wiig does know how to open the show, though. That was some gusto on the “Live from New York!”

Monologue: Is Rosario opening a revival of Rent with the beginning of her monologue? OMG! Ferecito!!! I’ve missed you. I should keep count of the use of the word Latino in this. Ay dios mio.

North American Savings: Sudeikis! You reject those loans, North American! I really want a rejected pin. I want a giant stack of mattresses to hide my money in. And sleep on. Comfy and money filled. Mmm.

Da Learnin Train: Does anyone remember that old kids show sketch with Will Ferrell where the four peoples sweaters spell out FUCK and they keep trying to get in that order? That was a good one. This one probably isn’t at that level. Though I do want to be Riznatch the Raccoon for Halloween. I’m going to start dancing on my books immediately. Sudeikis as Harry Connick Jr! I know at least one person that will be excited about that. Bobby Moynihan can’t dance. I don’t think anyone should promote getting rabies from learning. This sketch makes me never want to have children. So the title of the show is Da Learnin Train, yet they spell it Lurmin? Methinks it should be the Lurmin train.

GITMO Going Out of Business: So much Sudeikis! He’s the Bush narration, and now he’s the head of GITMO! Woo! This is head in my hands, cringing awful. Yet I kind of laughed. Git’mo!

Steve Martin and Jason Mraz? That should be nice.

Aladdin: Oh, fantastic! I hope they sing. Well, Sudeikis more than Rosario Dawson. Yes, singing! Rosario doesn’t sound as awful as Rent Rosario, so that’s good. Sudeikis isn’t really singing up to his usual par either, which is kind of disappointing. Okay, I enjoy this sketch. Prime Minister Abu! And wow, Rosario sounds awful again, though at least she’s really singing opposed to loud talking Sudeikis. Man, that genie is a whore.

Digital Short: Okay, I’ve heard this was the worst part of the episode, except that I am kind of amused by it. I think that makes me sad. Or an evil comedic genius. And who’s Monica? I’m telling Peggy Olsen! Oh, they’re wearing dresses now, and Will Forte singing is making me laugh so much. Inwardly. I am not actually laughing outloud. Come on, the clasp of the hands ends it! Oh, there’s Will Forte in the studio. He’s so into it. And he’s not wearing pants. And there’s his ass. Whoa. You can show Forte ass on basic television? Hee.

Giraffe Island: And hey! There’s Forte plus pants! Kristen Wiig’s face kills me. And she dances like Tina Fey, so there’s nothing new. Wow, she just got stabbed with a ton of pencils. And yet she’s not bleeding at all. That’s cool I guess. Did Gilly break Sam’s arms? Oh, no, gymnastics did that. The extra behind Kristen Wiig is totally exasperated. That sketch pretty much just made me not want to go to sleep at night just out of fear of being attacked by a bubble haired child with a bow in her hair.

Fleet Foxes – Mykonos: Oh, Robin Pecknold, you sing like an angel. Even though your eye is twitching in a less than angelic way. This song makes me want to go hiking.

Weekend Update: Oh man, it’s legitimately only Seth Meyers today. And those credits are pretty hot. He sits in the middle of the desk now, too. No honorary closer to stage right seating leaving a spot for Amyness. Lost jokes! Yes! The blurry red eye picture? Also hilarious. Man, Weekend Update, you are on it tonight. So far. Fred’s Bernie Madoff impression has a hint of his Obama impression in it. It’s kind of awkward. Seth likes having Bernie Madoff all over him.

Wow, I actually took a break to listen to the jokes for a minute. And holy crap, I know the girl whose picture they used for the “Jen was being a total bitch” line. That’s nuts.

I also totally love this Kristen episode because it reminds me of Mr Subliminal, and boy do I love Kevin Nealon. Kristen nailed this. Nailed. it. Applause, applause, applause.

Okay, now I’ve stopped paying attention because I was reading some stuff about my Houston Astros. Andy Samberg is a Canadian goose. Okay.

La Policia Mexicana: El Jefe! This is truly bizarre. But I wish I had shows like this to teach me all foreign languages. Oh, El Jefe. You are fantastico.

The View: Well, this should be a barrel of monkeys. Michaela does a good Barbara Walters. I think I like her. Give her some more screen time, guys. Rosario Dawson’s Salma Hayek impression is decent, too. But she’s pointless here. I have never watched The View, and I don’t hear that many good things about Elizabeth Hasselbeck, but is she really this much of a harpy? Really? Ricky Gervais! Whee! As played by Jason Sudeikis, who is getting a ridiculous amount of screen time tonight. And when I say ridiculous, I mean awesome. Wow, this is genius. The Sudeikis as Ricky thing.

The SNL house band is getting a lot of screen time tonight. That’s strange.

Fleet Foxes – Blue Ridge Mountains: I’m a little bummed that they did not play “White Winter Hymnal,” considering it’s winter, and that song is amazing. Oh wells. Yay, Fleet Foxes. I have not much to say about this except that it was beautiful.

Good Excuse: I think Will Forte is wearing Mom jeans. Aw, an all cat audience that speaks English. Rosario Dawson hasn’t paid her rent. The jokes just make themselves sometimes, Mimi. Too many pitbulls, not even Leslie Nielsen in this sketch. Sudeikis in narration form! So much Sudeikis. I love it. As do I love Rosario’s get up and walk away slowly before Sudeikis kills them all.

Credits: Show’s over! Okay, I was expecting much worse. I didn’t hate it. Rosario is reminding me a bit of Carla on Top Chef. She sent us the show with love, y’all! I do enjoy Will Forte keeping his Good Excuse wig on for the goodnights. And Bobby Moynihan finding a love connection in the audience. And extended credits! Hooray! It’s been awhile since they haven’t cut off within five seconds. Aw, this Seth/Andy hug is pretty much precious.

Oh well. See you guys for the Steve Martin episode! I can’t wait!

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