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The Extended Alec Baldwin/Jonas Brothers Review

February 15, 2009

As any regular reader of my SNL updates may know, I mentioned last week that I wouldn’t be live blogging next week due to a covert operation. That covert operation? I went to dress rehearsal. Yes, this intrepid blogger was able to go to Saturday Night Live without having to camp out on the sidewalk for thirteen hours. So like with the James Franco episode so many weeks ago, I will also be reviewing some of the stuff that was cut before the live version. Here goes..

Cold Open: Alec Baldwin originally played John Boehner. Who, by the way, has a last name spelled BONER and insists on pronouncing it BAYNER. It’s not Bayner, no matter how hard you try. Pun not intended. Anyways, the sketch Dan Aykroyd was supposed to be in was cut, so they moved him into this one. They also changed Will Forte’s hair, and for some reason, everyone in this sketch looks pretty red. Aykroyd didn’t do such good job with the script here, but I guess that’s a last minute substitution for you. I don’t have very much to say about the cold open. I thought it was the weakest sketch of the night. Fortunately, it seems like they cut a decent chunk out. (Besides another one that got cut). Though I do enjoy the “Where’s the outrage?“ poster. When’s the last time that Darrell was about to do the “Live from New York..” line? Kristen has had it the last few weeks, I believe. Before her, it was Amy (and Tina every once in awhile) trading off.

Monologue: This is not necessarily a well-known fact, but I love Jack McBrayer. He was my favorite improv dude at the UCB theatre back in 2003/2004. We would go see him in Asscat and with Respecto Montalban (also featuring Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer and Rob Riggle, who have gone on to some good stuff) pretty much every week. When he was cast on 30 Rock, we were thrilled, and to see this monologue, I pretty much lost it. Way to go, Jack McB. Way to be one of the funniest, sweetest, most genuine people around. Still. Oh, you giggly little Georgian. That means this is easily my favorite monologue ever. Because Jack was hanging around SNL years ago. He tried so hard to be on; he was (is?) good friends with Rachel Dratch so he was always around. I kind of think this is their little tribute to him for all of those years. And to have Bobby Moynihan (another UCB alum) go up to take the pictures with him — good stuff. There is nothing bad that I can say about this monologue. Fred’s accent. Jason’s “Oh. Oh no, we were the ones who were thrilled.”

Fourth Jonas Brother: First Stevie Wonder, now Gary Jonas. The Jonas Brothers have an acting coach around, and the only one who it really seems to have affected is Nick. Nicholas Jonas, you are a true talent. My favorite line in this whole sketch is, “Are you putting out an album of whisper songs, Joe?” I also love Alec’s scarf. Joe delivers every line exactly the same. But at least he’s not weird and creepy and smelly like Nick. And he accepts jokes about his Sharpie eyebrows! Hooray! Celisse would like you all to know that Kevin Jonas has gayvoice. I would like you all to know that he wears seriously, serious tight pants. Nick whispering about what a purity ring is precious. Precious! Why is this Alec Baldwin from Minnesota or something?

Cougar Den: I miss Amy. How do you bathe with a cardboard cutout? Making fun of the Facebook 25 Things About Me meme thing is becoming all the rage. I’m not going to lie, I did it. Kenneth is my favorite thing about this, normally. Alec Baldwin wins this time around. Because cougays make me laugh. And of course, Cameron Diaz is back, because she has nothing better to do. I’m pretty sure she just calls Lorne Michaels and tells him that she wants to be on .. It’s like Drew Barrymore randomly being around last week. They rewrote the end of this sketch. So originally this sketch ended with the Jonas Brothers coming in because Kristen tricked them into attending a charity benefit.. And not to get all nitpicky, but how did Kristen meet the JoBros backstage if she was thrown out for putting a teenybopper into estrogen shock? Maybe that’s why they rewrote it. Or maybe they asked out because they didn’t want to mess with their image. Alec Baldwin checked out Joe Jonas’ butt, though, which was pretty funny. He certainly reacted funnier than Andy Samberg did.

SNL Digital Short: I love this. I really, really do. They cut out Andy Samberg’s dad helping them get a VCR, though, which makes me sad because it was funny. Apparently they brought like a giant mess of people to film this digital short. Including their acting coach. Not like you could tell. Joe Jonas’s one handed pushups make me laugh. Best line of the whole short: “That’s from 25 years ago.” “It really holds up.” Yes it does, Nick. Please make your next video like that. It also originally ended with Andy Samberg saying that he understood, handing them some old timey poster of himself while a vaudevillian version of “Dick in a Box” (I think.. it was a little hard to hear) played.

Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Photo Shop: This is randomly wonderful. I almost wish they had saved it for a worse show, because it didn’t require the host or anything, and I’m sure I’ll desire something as compact and hilarious as this in an awful show. UGH DOUBLE UP UGH UGH. How much do we think it costs to rent an anaconda?

Jonas Brothers – Tonight: Can I just say, they sounded shockingly good? Everytime I’ve seen them sing this song on TV, it’s sounded awful. And I can’t vouch for how it sounded on the live show, but I was seriously impressed during dress. I was also sitting on the musical guest stage side, so I got to watch them jam pretty clearly. I like that Nick wears a watch. How many 16 year olds do you know that wear a watch? Granted, most of them don’t have enough money to rent out Dodger Stadium for their sweet sixteen. Joe hit the “TONIIIIIIGHT” note. I’m proud. I’m sad that they cut away from Kevin when he started crazy spinning in a circle. They were waving at members of the audience who waved at them, and they were all freaking out, and it was kind of hilarious and adorable.

Weekend Update: I love you, Seth Meyers, you are so wonderful and wish people Happy Valentine’s Day and apologize when you almost run people over, and it makes me happy. An Update crew member was talking about how much she loves that Seth knows exactly what to do. He knows when he’s going too fast and needs to slow it down or stretch for time. He knows when he’s going over and needs to rush. He just knows what’s up and how to get shit done. And that’s why everyone loves him. And his eyebrow wiggling and the twinkle in his eye.

Everyone also loves Oscar Rogers. Because he’s amazing, and I’m so happy that I got to see this. Seriously, I love Oscar Rogers. I mean, I even have a tag for Oscar Rogers on wordpress. I’m just going to keep typing Oscar Rogers. And fix it. And dooooit. Do it with your Valentime’s. Seth Meyers totally has a Valentime. Shh. Angelina Jolie was cut out of Update. She was added back in literally, oh, when the show had started airing. Which is fine, because we all know that Abby Elliott gets it done. doesn’t take you anywhere. Seems like it was a bit of a last minute change, because original website was Which also takes you nowhere and wasn’t even registered like bitchpleeze was. Making fun of bloggers is old hat by now. Though seriously, why are Perez Hilton and TMZ even funny or relevant? I don’t understand. So knock them down a peg, even though it won’t do a damn thing. They cut about a minute out of this, which is good. It’s funny, but it was definitely too long.

I love the Joaquin Phoenix thing. Particularly funny, because he went to an SNL after party with Casey Affleck and the camera crew awhile back. We’ve all had enough of your out of your mind act, Joaquin. Though getting more Sudeikis on the air is worth it.

Vincent Price’s Valentine’s Day Special: I always love Bill Hader’s Vincent Price, and it’s certainly weird to see it in colour. I was at an odd angle for this one, so I didn’t really see too much of it in colour, but man was Kristen’s dress red. The raunchiness of this sketch is great. Oh, Liberace. You make me happy.

Scheduling Meeting: They’ve done this sketch about a million times. I don’t know how many times it’s made it on air, but they’ve definitely recycled the majority of the jokes from the cut version during the James Franco episode. It worked much better tonight. I’m just going to show you what I wrote about it then:

There was also an awful sketch involving old men trying to schedule a meeting but having to many other weird appointments, including one involving a glory hole.

Thank you, Urban Dictionary, for all of your help through the years.

Between dress and live they made this much smoother, the ending was pretty jumbled to begin with.

Jonas Brothers – Video Girl: Who is standing with Alec? I’m thinking either Dan Aykroyd’s or Stephen Baldwin’s kids. Probably Stephen’s. Well, that’s my guess, I have no confirmation on that. This is one of the first Jonas Brothers songs that I haven’t really liked. But I did really enjoy Nick drumming. They get a lot of flack, some of it deserved, I mean, really, how much guitar are you playing when you have two people up there with guitars and can obviously see the dude standing in the back? But when you’re the only drummer, you can’t really mess with that. It’s not the most complex drumming in the world, but he’s on it. He’s pretty fierce about it, too. And yes, this sounded much better during dress. Even though it’s an annoying song.

Wii Shake: This sketch is simple and hilarious. So, so funny. Thank you, Bryan Tucker and John Lutz for making masturbation simulation so funny. From what I’ve heard, the sketch was originally written with Michaela putting the remote in her mouth. In dress she had a “it’s like I’m back in college!” line. Heh.

Chewable Pampers: I don’t understand why they aired this again. It was just on last week, and it’s really not that funny.

Virginia Horsen’s Hot-Air Balloon Rides: They’ve shown this before, but it’s great. I enjoy it more than the Virginia Horsen’s sturmp commercial. Kristen is great.

First Coughs: I really enjoyed this one, as well. First coughs I can think of: Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. Okay, that’s all I can think of right now. At dress, Sudeikis changed out of his Wario Shake costume into his Love Story costume for this one on the floor instead of going to the quick-change room. Hello, hairy Sudeikis belly. I love you. “Spoiler Alert: He needs a damn doctor.” Despite Alec Baldwin’s cough, he did not die at the end of the show.

What got Cut:
A sketch called Gas-Rite, which I took notes on, and yet remember nothing about. That’s pretty weird. It was first sketch, too. Huh. Maybe that’s why it was cut. **EDIT: It wasn’t first sketch. It was a commercial based on Gas-Rite stripes (like Breathe-Rite, but for flatulence). I could’ve sworn that they’ve aired this before. Maybe it was just during another dress I’ve been to?

Valentine’s Message from Jeff Montgomery: You know Jeff Montgomery. “You’re the creep, creep!” He seems to appear every holiday lately, but this one got cut. He wore a pamper and carried a crossbow like Cupid and delivered a singing telegram to Kristen Wiig about being a sex offender while her husband Alec Baldwin stood by threatening to kill him. Dan Aykroyd appeared as Geoff Montgomery, said “WHAT!” a lot, like Jeff Montgomery so often does, and all in all, it was too long and too short on jokes. So they cut it and moved Aykroyd to the cold open.

Sarah McLachlan ASPCA Commercial: I can see this one being finetuned and put in another episode. Or not. The concept was decent enough, a man in a hotel room being forced to watch the awful, depressing dead dog commercial while “Angel” plays in the background. Abby Elliott was Sarah McLachlan.

Roulette: A neverending roulette wheel in Atlantic City. Howie Mandel (Fred Armisen) makes a random appearance. It wasn’t funny. The set was great, though. They almost ended up putting this back in because the show was four minutes under when it started. Lorne was insistent about not putting anything more in even though they were under, and apparently they’re never under. This is why Virginia Horsen made an appearance.

Goodnights: Since the show was short, we got the full credits tonight. Hooray! Alec Baldwin gestured between Kevin Jonas and Cameron Diaz. He’s trying to make a love connection. And Will Forte and Fred Armisen wore bald caps, and it freaked me out. Thankfully they were not wearing them here. Not that you can really see the cast in the live goodnights — they’re overtaken by the Jonas Brothers, Cameron Diaz, Dan Aykroyd, the JoBros band members and Jack McBrayer. That’s a ton of people. Wow, Kevin Jonas almost pushed Jack McBrayer AND his brother over. That’s some secret strength. And a castmember who alledgedly isn’t very happy about their diminished screen time. Huh. I wonder who Jason Sudeikis pointed to in the crowd that Cameron Diaz was so psyched to see. And then they embraced. That’s weird. I love having full goodnights. It makes me happy to see such celebration.

I liked it a lot. Gawker didn’t, but I thought it was great. Part of that might be because it’s always funnier in person, part of me might be because I absolutely do not hate the Jonas Brothers, but I really liked it. And I did get to meet the Jonas Brothers (minus Kevin) and tell Alec Baldwin where the men’s room was at the after party.

There’s a two week break, so we’ll return with Dwayne (no longer “The Rock”) Johnson in a few.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Cliff permalink
    February 17, 2009 3:43 pm

    It’s Virgania – not Virginia.

  2. amanda permalink
    February 18, 2009 2:05 pm

    I’ve seen the gasright thing.


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