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The Sorta-Not-Really Instant Liveblog of President Obama’s Address to Congress

February 25, 2009

That is a ridiculously long entry title right there. And this is going to be a ridiculously long blog.

Okay, so as I mentioned briefly in my previous post, this was going to be an actual live liveblog, but I got caught up with other things (not to mention, I absolutely forgot the address was happening until maybe 7 minutes before President Obama got to the podium, which gave me no time to get my office in order. Har har, office. Yeah, my dresser, basically). But, I did DVR both the address and the response from the Republican party so I’m gonna watch that and add my witty commentary. Actually, I probably won’t liveblog the response cos this is gettin’ looong, man.

Anyhow, let’s get this party staaaaaarted!

My DVR starts immediately as Secretary of State Hilary Clinton is being greeted by members of congress and is saying hello to everyone, and may I just say, she is wearing a SHOCKINGLY hot pink jacket, and she is rocking that crap, guys. She looks great.

Oh, this photo does not do justice to the absolute pinkness of this jacket. It is FLAGRANT, but not really in a bad way.

Oh, this photo does not do justice to the absolute pinkness of this jacket. It is FLAGRANT, but kind of in a good way. Can FLAGRANT be good? I'm sayin' it's good.

I was talking to Tiffany about how congress looks like a party right now. I wanna get in on that! I used to do Student Congress on the Debate team in highschool, but I have to admit I was God-awful. I can write a really great speech, but delivering it is not so much my forte.

I guess I’m Toby Ziegler. SCORE.

Oh there’s my Rahm. I was actually watching this live on the CNN/Facebook thing while I was playing outside earlier and once again declared my INDECENT love for Rahm through my status. He’s a rockstar, man. He’s hot.

Tiffany: fucken rahm man
Celisse: so hot
Tiffany: why did you have to turn me onto that man?
Tiffany: i’ve never lusted for a politician like this
Celisse: oh heaven forbid i introduce you to a hottie
Celisse: a 9-fingered hottie
Tiffany: i seriously figured he had to have lost that in some amazing way
Tiffany: like, lost it while destroying kitten rapists
Celisse: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

For the record, Rahm Emanuel did not lose his finger while destroying kitten rapists. He did, in fact, lose it after injuring it on a ham slicer during his days working at Arby’s. Instead of going to the hospital, he decided to go swimming (because he’s badass), after which it became infected and I supposed thus had to be removed. Whoops?

This Rahm Fact has been brought to you by RahmFacts.com.

President Obama has just been announced and is slowly being greeted by everyone and is making his way to the podium. They just gave us a shot of Michelle, and she looks gorgeous right now, as usual:

She looks sooo pretty, as usual. I'm a little upset that this was the only really great photo I could find on daylife, and she's covering up the lil lady's face next to her, but she comes into play later so let us move on.

She looks sooo pretty, as usual. I'm a little upset that this was the only really great photo I could find on daylife, and she's covering up the lil lady's face next to her, but she comes into play later so let us move on.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi is wearing a baby poop green.. somethin’. And it is not cute. Not cute at all, Nancy.

Obama finally made it to the podium, and now we have literally minutes of roaring applause before they settle down and let the Speaker introduce him, and then the speech. Goodness gracious.

I swear, Nancy just said “President of the Unined States.” Yes, UniNed. That was weird.

Get ready for LOTS of roaring applause, guys. It’s gonna happen a whole lot of times during this speech.

Aw, Obama just mentioned Michelle and everyone jumped out of their seats to applaud her. And again, I say how gorgeous she is. I have such a girlcrush on the First Lady.

SPEECH TIME!

The state of our economy is a concern that rises above all others, and rightly so.

Oh yes. Still unemployed here, thanks. Sigh.

OOH. MSNBC has a little ticker that shows audience reaction to the speech from both Obama voters and McCain voters. That’s badass. I’m gonna have fun being distracted by that nonsense when I should be listening to the President.

We will rebuild, we will recover, and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before.

I want y’all to keep that in mind, because it’s gonna come into play later during Bobby Jindal’s response after this speech. it’s downright hilarious, guys.

Obama is making a point right now to tell us that although we’re living in difficult times right now, things are going to get better because DAMN IT, we are AMERICANS, and we don’t take this nonsense lying down!, basically.

Now he’s going over the many many reasons our economy is in the pooper right now.

The surplus became an excuse to transfer wealth to the wealthy, instead of a way to invest in our future.

Applause.

Now he’s going to start talking about his economic agenda. And more applause.

I’m pleased to say the American Recovery and Investment Act is now law.

Yet more applause. I’m tellin’ you, this is a clap-happy group, guys. And I love it because every time the chamber stands up, you can spot Hilz in that loud hot pink jacket and I giggle.

Obama is talking about all the tax cuts and how we’re gonna see ’em in our paychecks starting April 1st. Well that’s awesome for you lucky few who have jobs anymore. OH I’M NOT BITTER.

With a plan of this scale comes enormous responsibility to get it right. That’s why I’ve asked Vice President Biden to lead a tough, unprecedented oversight effort, because nobody messes with Joe.

Celisse: NOBODY MESSES WITH JOE
Tiffany:  I’d mess with Joe. He doesn’t scare me like Cheney did.
Celisse: oh i’d “mess with” joe alright

HEYOOOOOO.

The audience giggles and applauds, and Joe just is always so cute. Sigh. Tiny eyed and cute.

Oy, now he’s talking about the credit crisis, and this is just crazy to me. I don’t know why people and the government continue to just spend and spend and spend money that basically does not exist, or otherwise does not belong to them. I mean, I love that we’re in such a deep recession and some people are still finding the cash to pay $845 for heels and jet across the country and back for “bi-coastal birthday parties.”

I mean, REALLY?

Obama’s plan to fix the credit crisis:

  1. Creating a new lending fund that represents the largest effort ever to help provide auto loans, college loans, and small business loans to the consumers and entrepreneurs who keep this economy running. [LOTS of Applause]
  2. Launch a housing plan that will help responsible families facing the threat of foreclosure lower their monthly payments and re-finance their mortgages. [Emphasis his own, which begs the question — what happens to the irresponsible families? TO THE LIONS, obviously.]
  3. Act with the full force of the Federal Government to ensure that the major banks that Americans depend on have enough confidence and enough money to lend in even more difficult times. Upon learning that a major bank has serious problems, hold accountable those responsible, force necessary adjustments, provide the support to clean their balance sheets, assure the continuity of a strong, viable institution that can serve our people and our economy.

Now he’s explaining that from now on, banks will be held accountable for the money that they’re taking from the taxpayers, and they will have to demonstrate how our dollars result in more lending for the American taxpayer.

That all sounds good to me, really. I’D LIKE A SMALL BUSINESS LOAN, PLEASE. I’D LIKE TO START SELLING DELICIOUS BAKED GOODS ON THE INTERNET, THANK YOU.

It’s not about helpin’ banks, it’s about helping people.

Okay lets DO ITTTTT.

Even as it cut backs on programs we don’t need, the budget I submit will invest in the three areas that are absolutely critical to our economic future: energy, health care, and education.

Holy hell thank you LORD. But I’m tired of hearing about it and I just want to see the effects NOW. Which, I know it’s going to take years to fix this mess but a girl can dream. *Sigh.*

I’m watching the reaction tickers right now, and it seems the Obama voters are moderately okay with the things Obama is saying, and the McCain voters are WAY THE HELL UP THERE about his statements. That’s kinda funny.

Oh he just made a shout out to Teddy Roosevelt! HOLLA. Although 1. TR would not have liked to be referred to as Teddy, FYI. And 2. Favorite President Ever!!

Oh this is around the time, one thousand, four hundred and fifty-two words into this blog that I start gettin’ distracted, so I am going to use this time to refer you to some videos of the speech, in case you missed it:

The full speech, all 59 minutes of it, can be found here: MSNBC. That took way longer for me to find than it should have.

No tax increases, blahblah. I feel like he’s campaigning again.

For seven years we’ve been a nation at war, no longer will we hide it’s price.

And thus begins the war talk. Obama is talking about ending the war, but that’s all stuff we’ve heard before.

Americans are sending one message [to our troops]: We honor your service, we are inspired by your sacrifice, and you have our unyielding support.

There is a Cutie in Uniform (a CIU, if you will) sitting right next to Michelle. Who IS that hunkus? Tell me more.

My DVR cut out for a second, but it comes back just as the President says that he’s shutting down Guantanamo Bay, which in my opinion is effin’ awesome, and then he reiterates that America does not torture. Well, maybe this administration doesn’t. No comment on previous administrations amirite?

Obama is back to talking about schools and education:

I think about Ty’sheoma Bethea, the young girl whose school I visited in Dillon, South Carolina. A place where the ceilings leak, the paint peels off the walls, and they have to stop teaching six times a day because a train barrels by their classrooms. She had been told that her school was hopeless. But the other day, after class, she went to the public library and typed up a letter to the people sitting in this chamber. She even asked her principal for the money to buy a stamp. The letter asks us for help, and says: “We are just students trying to become lawyers, doctors, congressmen like yourself, and one day President, so that we can make a change not just in South Carolina, but also the world. We are not quitters,” that’s what she said. “We are not quitters.”

The chamber applauds and Michelle gives Ty’sheoma a big hug and a kiss on the forehead, and it’s a really touching moment. My parents are both teachers. My mother in particular works in a school which isn’t as dilapidated as the one described, but whose teachers have lost morale. Budget cuts have destroyed useful programs that both the children and the teachers need. Her school becomes more and more chaotic every day. It’s unfair that my mother, who is a wonderful, amazing, talented teacher, should have to work in an environment like that. She loses a little more hope every day.

sdds

If we come together and lift this nation from the depths of this crisis, if we put our people back to work and start the engine of our prosperity, if we confront without fear, the challenges of our time, and summon that enduring spirit of an America that does not quit, then someday, years from now, our children can tell their children that this was the time when we performed. In the words that are carved into this very chamber: Something worthy to be remembered.

Obama thanks the congress and starts saying his goodbyes. I love this man.

Keep Smilin'.

Keep Smilin'.

I quoted the powerful parts of his speech because I want you all to notice that the prevailing theme throughout this address tonight was that although times are difficult right now, we, as Americans, can and will prevail. That it is in our nature to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and become stronger than we once were. It’s important to note this, because in Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s response on behalf of the GOP, he said this:

Don’t let anyone tell you that we can’t recover, or that America’s best days are behind her.

Wow, REALLY? Because for something that is supposed to be a direct response to President Obama’s speech, that sure made Jindal sound like he had no effin’ clue what was being said for the entirety of that hour-long Obamagasm.

I mean it, that was bad.

Add to that the fact that Jindal also went as far as to invoke the failures of the republicans during Hurricane Katrina. Hello, that’s your party’s fault, homie. Add to that the fact that he spoke the entire time like he was reading a picture book to a group of 1st graders. Governor Jindal, we are the American people. We aren’t children. I think he thinks it makes him sound friendly and down to earth. It makes him sound like he’s getting ready to put a diaper on me. I’m sure he’s a nice guy but I don’t want him near my butt.

It was REALLY off-putting, because after the election, almost immediately all this talk in the media began about who the new leaders of the future of the Republican party were going to be, and Bobby Jindal’s name came up a lot. So did Tim Pawlenty’s and Sarah Palin’s, but I was excited to see Jindal in action, as it were, if he’s supposedly going to be one of the bright new leaders of his party. That was a FLOP, man.

You can see Governor Jindal’s response here: link. It’s a good watch, just because it is such a STARK contrast to everything Obama had said. It was literally as if the response was written days in advance before anyone knew what Obama was going to say, and no one bothered updating the response.

Anyhow, that brings this liveblog to a close. It’s 4:15 AM and I’m pretty sleepy. Leave me your thoughts on the whole thing. L8r sk8rs.

OH, One last thing:

Carlo: Is that Rahm ham slicer thing true?
Celisse: yeah
Celisse: its on rahm facts!
Carlo: oh man
Carlo: i imagine whoever ended up eating his piece of finger got like, insta-awesome
Celisse: i’m sure he didnt cut it OFF
Carlo: well, there was blood spilled
Carlo: and i’m sure there were still minute blood capsules on the blade
Carlo: which got transfered to the ham
Carlo: which a skinny little kid on vacation ate
Carlo:  a skinny little kid named Christian Bale
Celisse: AHAAHAHAHAHAJDFJKLDS

GOODNIGHT.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Corey Hart permalink
    February 25, 2009 12:30 pm

    Carlo’s theory is sound, and also hilarious.

  2. February 25, 2009 2:12 pm

    bobby jindal is kenneth the page from 30 rock. no ifs, ands or buts about it.

  3. February 26, 2009 8:23 am

    That was entertaining and awesome and informative. This is further proof that you are chock full of super awesome, Celisse. 🙂

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