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The Tracy Morgan/Kelly Clarkson Review

March 15, 2009

Okay, it’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m finally getting around to watching last night’s episode. It happens. Tracy Morgan is pretty much amazing, but only when he’s playing Tracy Morgan (“Get me a soda, bitch”). Or Brian Fellows. That’s why 30 Rock works. And why I didn’t like him as much when he was on SNL. It’s funny, because as many awesome recurring characters as Will Ferrell had, how amazing would it be if he hosted SNL and did none of them? He could make that work. Tracy Morgan wouldn’t be able to make it work without him playing Tracy Morgan former SNL castmember. That being said, I think Tracy Morgan, former SNL castmember has the power to make this hilarious now in a way that he probably wouldn’t have been able to 5 or 6 years ago.

As for Kelly Clarkson, I’m sure she’ll sing that “My Life Would Suck Without You” song. I hope she follows it up by playing “Since You’ve Been Gone,” because the contradiction would be ace.

Cold Open: Tracy Morgan is playing Tracy Morgan already. Sweet! Aw, those poor security guards. Those poor excited elevator people. That poor page. And John Cena!! And nobody recognized him! Except for one chick that went, “Woo!” John Cena is not letting Tracy get away with that, is he? Tina Fey! She did a good fall down. And Tracy got to yell “Live from New York!” Aw, I love it already. It was short and to the point. Didn’t drag on. Wasn’t political in an unfunny way like the cold opens have been lately. Approve.

Monologue: Tracy is getting a ton of applause. Why is guitar player Jared Scharff back there wearing sunglasses. Dude, it’s 11:40 at night. And you’re inside. Oh, sweet! He’s talking about his fish tank fire! I love his relaxed pose. 917-555-0199 is my new emergency number. Oh man, Lorne and Seth are hanging out and drinking wine, and YES THEY DID BRING ME A SODA BITCH. I knew it was coming, and I loved it nonetheless. And, aw, it’s nice to see Seth somewhere other than Update. Even if he’s still just hanging out in a suit.

Chewable Pampers: I’m not commenting on this, because they’ve aired it like three times, and I haven’t really found it funny any of the times. And since I’m not watching live, I can fastforward.

Brian Fellows’s Safari Planet: Darrell is doing the voiceover. It used to be Parns, no? I miss you, Chris Parnell. Tracy is wearing a larger amount of lip gloss than I can ever remember. It might just be because I never saw Brian Fellows in HD before. Aww, Sudekis and a pet cow. I want to hang out with Jason Sudeikis and a cow named Maggie. Andy Samberg is so damned jolly. And a good storyteller. Haha, Maggie the British cow. With a man’s voice. Hooray!

The View: We’re live at the Walt Disney Studios. I wish I was in California. Not with The View. Although, I’d hang out with The View folks if I got to ride on The Whoopi Goldbus. Michaela and Kristen aren’t doing very well with the cue cards at all in this one. It’s distracting. Michaela I get. But Kristen? Really? Stem cells cannot have their own buses. This has gone on far too long. I’ve kind of tuned on. Damn, the show was on such a roll, too.

Scared Straight w/ McIntosh: I get irritated with this one pretty quickly. Double Big Mac! I don’t understand why these three aren’t in more trouble, considering they get busted every five seconds. And instead of movie references, they’re doing news references. Oh, nope, now it’s movie references. Penis noir. I’m so happy that McIntosh knows his wines. Okay, fine, I enjoy this one. Oh man, Bill Hader is cracking. He went from terrified to trying to hold in hysterical laughter so quickly. And now he can’t even look at Tracy and Kenan. So do we think that when they hold in a laugh like that they exit the scene and crack up for a few seconds? Now Sudeikis is laughing. Oh gosh. I love it. Bill Hader looks like he might die.

Dateline NBC: I’ve never seen this feature on Dateline. Is Keith Morrison really like this? I hope he really does making “Single Ladies” references. This is decent filler. Make it shorter, and it could be a better MacGruber. Tracy and Bill making noises back and forth works.

Astronaut Jones: Yay! Astronaut Jones! I don’t remember too much about Astonaut Jones, but it’s enjoyable for sure. And vintage Tracy in the credits. Andy Samberg is a horrifying alien woman. Melvin Goldfarb!

Rocket.
I’m taking a rocket.
I’m packing my suitcase.
Hey, look out, Moon!

Yeah, a rocket
into outer space.
Good-bye, human race.
I’ll be there soon.

Blast off!
For fun and adventure.
Yes, I said adventure
collecting stones.

Yeah, it’s my way,
on the old space highway.
That’s why they all say,
“There goes Astronaut Jones!”

Kelly Clarkson “My Life Would Suck Without You”: This is pretty boring. I don’t like her outfit too much. And her eye make-up kind of looks like me in the morning when I’ve had a long night out and didn’t bother washing my fave before going to sleep. Whatevs, I still enjoy her.

Weekend Update: Hey Sethy McMeyerson. I enjoy the Obama 2.0 photoshop. Bill Hader’s John Malkovich impression is so so creepy. I’ve decided that I have too much trouble doing a liveblog/review of Weekend Update. So just know that I always find it hilarious. The camera messed up, and oh wait, it’s because Tracy was about to slide in and they got the cue wrong. Really!?! with Tracy Morgan. Seth Meyers is just trying to get everyone in a tizzy tonight.

Kristen Wiig’s Barbie voice is freaking me out. And this is going on way, way too long. Okay, Update was a little lacking tonight. Unfortunately. Fortunately, the rest of the episode has been really enjoyable, and from the commercials it seems as if a Big Love parody is next. Woo!

Big Love: Aw, they’re doing the credits and everything. Sudeikis winking made me swoon. Wow, Abby does a great Chloe Sevigny impression. As is Sudeikis’s Bill Paxton. Fantasia is exactly what the Big Love folks need.

Digital Short: Yay, Bill and Andy! Okay, I’m going to list everything they said. Ready?

Dude – Bobby Moynihan
Winners – Abby Elliott and Casey Wilson
Jokers – Three folks dressed as the Joker
Mr. Personality – Kenan wearing a Mr. Personality sash
Numb Nuts – John Lutz sitting on a block of ice
Turd Burgler – Dude stealing turds out of a toilet
That guy – A karategi: the Japanese word for the karate training uniform.
Those Sons of bitches – Litter of puppies. So cute.
Those guys are so baked – A tray of gingerbread men in the oven.
Sausagefest – Dancing Germans in lederhosen!
Knucklehead – A hand with googly eyes.
Hey there, Cowboy – A boy with a cow’s head.
What’s his face – Dude with his face blurred out.
This asshole – Fred Armisen. Aw.
Look what the cat dragged in – A bloody mouse
Hot Piece of Ass – Plastic ass on a hot plate
Here Comes the cavalry – self-explanatory.
Look Who Decided to Show His Face: Batman, with his mask off, is Jason Sudeikis. He is promptly smacked by the Joker.
These Motherfuckers – A bunch of young guys with cougars. Including John Mulaney.
Tom the Serial Rapist – Or, the cereal rapist.
These Douchebags – Bill and Andy. Aw.

Suppresex: Tracy is struggling in this sketch. He gets turned on by the Green M&M. Red high heels to Crocs to prescription shows. Heh. The inspirational cat poster turns him on, though.

High IQ: Wow, Sudeikis’s hair is fantastic. The goofy music is fantastic. Tracy just wants to dance! So does Kristen! I don’t know why, but I kind of love this. And now bacon and eggs are here! Kenan is the best Harry Potter ever! Will Forte as Neo is so creepy and wonderful. And it just keeps getting better.

Kelly Clarkson – “I Do Not Hook Up”: I thought this was some inspirational don’t become an alcoholic song, and then it ended up being about not hooking up. And I’m confused. But okay, Kelly Clarkson.

Family Flix: Percy T. Douglas writes a movie about a kid finding a jet pack with his dog. Nice. I like the dog sound effect while the dog sits there with its mouth closed. Houston, we have a dog! Kristen’s dress is insane. Everyone died in the making of Rocket Dog. 😦 Including Will Forte the milkman and Percy T. Douglas who faked his own death.

GasRite: This has aired before. So no comment. SNL was just running short, I guess. Or something. I really liked this episode, no lie. Tracy Morgan is thanking everyone in his life. He’s pregnant, also, apparently. He thanked Gris and Dotcom! And that is why Tracy Morgan is so wonderful. Anyways, really good episode. The sketches were all short so they didn’t wear out the welcome and Tracy was game for being weird and Tracyish. Update was way too damned long and slow this week, which makes me sad because it’s usually the highlight. Too bad we didn’t get full credits, I’m sure there was some extra hilarity packed in there.

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