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This Week in Life and Internets…

May 5, 2009

Hi, guys. Let’s do the damn thang.

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This one made me laugh really hard. Maybe I’m a bad person? Anyhow, okay, we all remember Susan Boyle, from the INSTAVIRAL Britain’s Got Talent clip (fyi – that video has over 51 million views. hooooly crud, I can’t even get, like, twelve people to listen to my podcast).

Oh, Susan.

Oh, Susan.

Apparently British Junior Minister, Sion Simon, caught some flack this past week for suggesting via twitter that Britain’s sweetheart, Susan Boyle, is the cause of swine flu.

Seriously! Chekkit:

The MP for Birmingham Erdington, 40, posted his comment online on his Twitter page, writing: ‘I’m not saying Susan Boyle caused swine flu. I’m just saying that nobody had swine flu, she sang on TV, people got swine flu.’

The tweet has since been deleted but I really wish it hadn’t, if only so I could screencap it and put that crap on a stylish hoodie. I was gonna try Fake-Twitter‘ing it, but apparently that site is gone. Sigh. everything good goes away. I guess I’ll just have to try my hand at some strategic photoshopping.

Tories were horrified by what were seen as ‘insensitive’ remarks.

Even fellow Labour MPs were aghast. ‘It’s infantile, isn’t it,’ one says. ‘Hasn’t he got enough to do?’

For Simon, the minister for further education, was posting what he thought was a witty aside on the crisis just as it was confirmed a 12-year-old Devon girl had contracted the virus.

Oh, come on. The British are some of the most funny, witty people on the planet, and they are ‘aghast?’ I thought it was hilar. I mean, if you can’t laugh about swine flu and Susan Boyle, what can you laugh about?

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Still on the topic of the seriousness of Swine Flu and the UK, last week the BBC reported that a mutated strain of the virus has befallen victims in London. Terrifying! After death, the virus reportedly re-starts the heart just long enough for the victim to rampage and eat braaaainz. Oh yes, you read that correctly. SWINE FLU ZOMBIES ARE ATTACKING LONDON!

There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in London due to mutation of the H1N1 virus into new strain: H1Z1.

Similar to a scare originally found in Cambodia back in 2005, victims of a new strain of the swine flu virus H1N1 have been reported in London.

After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it’s victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”

The World Health Organization (WHO) has raised the alert to phase six, its highest level, and advised governments to activate pandemic contingency plans.

In my head, these London swine flu zombies are all joining together to Thrill The World:

Now, I know this is a joke, because I have half a working brain. Also, I know you all know this is a joke, because stupid people don’t read OlyVil, as far as I’m concerned. So, can someone inform all the 15 year old morons on Tumblr that this is a joke? Because they are concerned. Very concerned.

For your viewing pleasure, a sampling of the teen freakouts over Swine Flu Zombies:

EmilyGraceThinks:

IS THIS FOR SERIOUS?!?! if it is, HOLY CRAP! i mean..dude. if that is true, then i will actually start worrying a bit about this swine flu. HOLY CRAP DUDE.

JeffreyM:

this is fucking insane, i hope it’s not real

SpazzingForPerfection:

I’m about to fucking cry

There was one saving grace in the Tumblrverse, however. By and large, the best comment in response to the Zombie-fueled panic came from Sade, who had this to say:

Did you all ride the short bus to school? (no offense followers, I’m sure none of you would fall for such an obvious hoax). I bet you also believe that taking a load prevents breast cancer. Read the fucking URL, it’s not a BBC site. Good Christ, facepalming all over the place here.

Facepalming all over the place here pretty much sums it up.

Onwards, Donner!

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Breaking news in the world of slutty politicians everywhere! According to Gawker, John Edwards is knee-deep in vagina-related trouble. I wonder what kinda hits that line is gonna get us. Anyway, poor, sweet John Edwards. Anyone whose had any amount of conversation with me knows I have a pretty massive crush on that hottie. Shameful, I know.

john-edwards

In this photo, John Edwards kinda looks like a cross between Myspace Tom and someone with a casting couch. Or both!

We’re all aware of his marital woes after being caught cheating on his cancer stricken wife last year, but wait, there’s more!:

John Edwards‘ philandering has gone federal. It might soon hit the courts. And to think just last summer the scandal was penny ante: stuck in the tabloid swamps, save for a disappointing ABC finale.

No doubt, Edwards’ adultery is officially Real News: After the National Enquirer last week reported the Democratic politician was under grand jury investigation for possible misuse of his presidential campaign funds, a major news organization actually started looking into the story instead of ignoring it, like last time. And what do you know: It turns out the supermarket tabloid was right. Again.

Edwards mistress Rielle Hunter produced videos for the politician’s presidential campaign, and received more than $100,000 for her services. Since keeping a mistress is not an acceptable use of campaign money, there is an investigation into whether the payments were legit, the Associated Press confirmed.

In one case, Hunter received $14,000 from a political action committee the same day Edwards’ presidential campaign paid the committee $14,000 for “furniture purchase,” making it appear the money was — perhaps! — being laundered.

Oh, Johnny. You know, sometimes people go through stuff in their relationships and sometimes they cheat. It’s never a good situation, but it happens. But if you’re already doing one Very Bad Thing, isn’t it kind of just tempting the fates to simultaneously do another Very Bad Thing? Talk about facepalming all over the place here. Anyway, Gawker says we’ll definitely be seeing more of this unfold very publicly very soon, so I can’t wait to hear more details. Until then, I am hereby officially banning Edwards from the next PoliVil.

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In much lighter news, holy crap Degrassi Goes to Hollywood trailer! YES:

You know what? I’m 10 days shy of 25 years old, I’m too old to watch Degrassi and definitely too old to have a Degrassi-related Twitter account, but whatever I don’t care, I am so excited I could puke.

I mean, at least it’s not Twilight.

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Um, hello, check out my new desk set up:

HOLY LARGENESS

HOLY LARGENESS

My laptop screen is kind of ridiculously busted, so Cheech (my father) donated his old monitor and this fancypants wireless keyboard and mouse to my cause. Thanks, Cheech! Now I can blog without headaches. Also, I just really like showing off my George Michael valentine, okay?

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Here on OlyVil, we’re enjoying a spike in visitors due to an image that Kim posted of the YYY’s randomly making it onto the first page of Google Images. Awesome! HI, NEW VISITORS. To celebrate the fact that we’re clearly movin’ on up, I sang incredibly badly:

Forgive me.

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I’m done here goodnight!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. May 5, 2009 2:25 am

    We should somehow profit from those gullible teens.

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