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A belated edition of This Week in Life and Internets.

May 15, 2009

lifeinternets

Holy moly, it’s Friday!!!! I was supposed to put up this post on Monday, but let me tell you:

  • My internet crashed on Saturday. For three ridiculous days, I was completely without internet access. What the butt is that? I nearly had a nervous breakdown! By the time it came back, it was already Tuesday. SIGH.
  • Tuesday I recorded an episode of my HIT SHOW, The Hawtline, and then spent all of Wednesday editing it down.
  • That brings us to Thursday night, which has turned into Friday morning, and here I am, blogging away, all for you, my darlings.

READY SET GO!

—–

The GSN Game Show Awards are coming up on June 9th. Normally, this isn’t very interesting, until you mention the elephant-related rivalry between the King and Queen of Game Shows, Bob Barker, and Betty White. Elephant-related rivalry? Really? Observe:

If you aren’t familiar with their situation, a feud over an elephant at the Los Angeles Zoo who outgrew his pen created a rift between the two.  Barker wanted to relocate the elephant to San Andreas where it should have fun with the earthquares, and White wanted to keep it at the LA Zoo and build a larger home.  Betty White won and apparently Barker is pissed. [via]

STAY AWAY FROM BETTY, YOU GEEZER.

STAY AWAY FROM BETTY, YOU GEEZER.

The fight over the Elephant, named Billy, reportedly “left Bob more upset than a cardboard mountaineer falling to his death.” [via] ROFFLE! Anyway, the rivalry had both the Game Show Legend and the Golden Girl vowing not to attend the ceremony if the other would be in attendance. Oldies be ragin’! It’s hilarious! Betty White is pretty much the sweetest woman on the planet, and I’ve never been a Bob Barker fan, so I’m ready to watch Betty pop ‘im one right in the kisser.

Keep your money in your pockets, though, as it’s been announced that Betty White is stepping down, and will be pre-recording her appearance at the ceremony, giving Barker free reign to be a butthead without confrontation. As fameball Julia Allison would say: Sad:(

—–

Last month, rumors were floating around that our favorite slutty stoner swimmer, Michael Phelps, has been tamed by the ridiculously annoying Miss California contestant, Carrie Prejean.

carrieprejeanphelps

Phelps denied any rumors of a relationship between himself and the bigoted blondie, saying that he’s not in a relationship with anyone, and that his private life stays private. [via] Well then. Just to hammer it home that he is indeed not ready to settle down with anyone and is still the skank we all know and love, this week the nypost published a story about stripper Theresa White, who says about the Olympian: “Michael should get another Olympic gold for marathon love-making!” [via]

According to News of the World (the same people who released the infamous Phelps Bong photos), White let them know all about Phelps’ record-breaking “love making” abilities after she reportedly had a threesome with the swimmer and another stripper, when he invited a group of lap dancing ladies back to his place. I’m sure Milky was makin’ something, but loooooove wasn’t it, lady. Who, outside of people in Soap Opera land, even uses the phrase love-making anymore? Good Lord. But that’s neither here nor there.

I know I’m certainly glad that Milky is keeping his head on straight and staying out of relationships with tools and is instead training his stripper pole hard for the men’s 400-meter bedroom marathon. You go, Milky! All of us at OlyVil are rooting for you. Grab that gold!

—–

Something is rotten in the DC of Washington, and The Huffington Post is pointing their fingers at White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel and Madame Speaker Nancy Pelosi:

We’re the first to admit it: we’ve been following Rahm Emanuel a little closely lately, but we can’t help but notice the sparks flying between Obama’s Chief of Staff and Madame Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Sometimes it’s glances that leave our toes curled and sometimes it’s just the two of them giggling like school girls behind the bleachers, but one thing’s for sure: it’s always entertaining.

Click here to see the slideshow they’ve created of the two stealing glances at one another and generally being kinda creepy. Some of the obvious choices:

UTENSILS DOWN, HANDS UP, RAHM.

UTENSILS DOWN, HANDS UP, RAHMBO.

Back off my man, Nancy.

Back off my man, Nancy. GET TO STEPPIN.

Sigh. I’m a jealous lover.

—–

Staying on the subject of PoliVil, Republican Florida Governor Charlie Crist is leaving the Governor’s Mansion and is on the hunt for greener pastures by running for the Senate in 2010.

CharlieCrist_sm3

But will he be taking his tanning bed with him? Hmmm. Questions needing answers.

According to the NYTimes, Florida’s CFO, Alex Sink, is the Democrats’ best hope to win the gubernational election next year. [via] I’m excited as hell, personally. In my head, I’m going to stroll over to her campaign headquarters, and pull a total Donnatella Moss and just pretend I’m some important person’s assistant, and woo them with my charm and wit and ability to make grown babies, tiny men, and the occasional iguana cower in fear of me. If Donna can do it, then damn it, so can I.

I need to stop idolizing West Wing characters.

Either way, my state hasn’t had a Democrat governor in over 10 years. Obama actually won Florida, which was amazing, so there’s a chance that we’ll be able to change Tallahassee next year too.

You can thank me next year. Mhm.

—–

One last visit in PoliVil, I only have one thing for you, guys:

This really needs no caption.

This really needs no caption.

Thank you, BuzzFeed.

—–

One last quick item before we move on. I caught this Denis Leary HULU commercial for the first time tonight and just about DIED LAUGHING:

Oh dear God, I love the HULU commercials. Love them. Love them so much, I just had to share that on my bliggity blog and my facey spaces and my twitty pages. Love.

—–

As for life? WELL:

  • Tomorrow is my 25th birthday. I’m wholly unexcited and have nothing planned. Isn’t that awful? This is the first time in like 5 years that I’ll actually be in Miami for my birthday, and I’m ready to just keel over and die. I think I’ll be seeing Star Trek (UH, HELLO HOTTIES), and then downing an entire bottle of champagne, before crying my eyeballs out on Twitter or something. WE’LL SEE, GUYS. WE’LL SEE.
  • Google had a meltdown this morning for about an hour and I seriously was ready to break someone in half. Don’t you EVER freakin’ do that to me again, Google. Between this and my Bellsouth issues earlier this week, you’d think some divine force was telling me to TURN OFF THE COMPUTER AND GET A JOB.
  • Oh who am I kidding, I have no other life news.

Actually, that’s a lie. I do have one more thing:

ohmom

Mom discovered Twitter. Hilarity ensued.

Kim has been out and traveling and working and busy with 10,000 things this week, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that a VERY belated review for Justin on SNL should be up soon, but no promises since she’s a busy girl.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK, GUYS.

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