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Saturday’s Swimming Nationals.

July 11, 2009

Oh my gosh! Kim explained in our previous post about how we fail. Oh well, please forgive us. We’re here now (well, I am. Kim is watching Harry Potter) and READY TO BE AROUSED. I mean.. you know. Nevermind.

They’re starting with sports news and they’re talking about PUJOLS, who I only know cos I’m sure Killer Kim has babbled to me about him before and it’s gone totally over my head. Baseball, my dears, is not my thing.

Now we’re in Indianapolis! Scenes from Beijing and clips from last year’s games. The swimmers who finish in 1st and 2nd place will move on to the world championships in Rome, and I am SO EXCITED. TO BE WATCHING. FROM MY BEDROOM. ON MY TV. SIGH.

There’s Milky! Milky and his iPod. Not Milky and his bong. (New to OlyVil? Milky = Phelps. I don’t remember why. Something about his nipples?)

We’re starting off with the Men’s 200M Freestyle. And I’m gonna try to get everyone’s names and be as thorough a liveblogger as possible, but you know my method at this point is pretty much to SPAZ AT THE KEYBOARD, so we’ll see.

Men’s 200M Free Lane Assignments

  1. Danny Beal
  2. Davis Tarwater
  3. Dave Walters
  4. Michael Phelps
  5. Peter Vanderkaay (aka photobomber extraordinaire)
  6. RYAN LOCHTE OMG. Aw. Awwww.
  7. RICKY BERENS! Aw, hi, Ricky. We’ve missed you.
  8. Charlie Houchin

Nobody is wearing the half suit. That is disappointing.

AAAAND They’re in.

Milky is ahead by a bit. Lochte looked close to 2nd but really he’s in third thus far. GO BABY GO. I’m psychotic. Announcers are really annoying, I’ve gotta say. Phelps hits first, Dave Walters hits right after him, and they both automatically advance to the World Championships. Lochte is in third. Sigh.

Men’s 200M Free Results

  1. Michael Phelps (WC)
  2. Dave Walters (WC)
  3. Ryan Lochte

COMMERCIALS. Boring. OH WAIT ITS CULLEN JONES, aka the only black guy on the US Olympic Team. AHAHAAAAA I KID, I KID. I think.

Now it’s time for THE LADIES.

Women’s 200M IM Lane Assignments

  1. Justine Mueller
  2. Dagny Knutson
  3. Ariana Kukors
  4. Julia Smit
  5. Elizabeth Beisel
  6. Elizabeth Pelton
  7. Caitlin Leverenz
  8. Whitney Myers

I do not know any of these ladies, because I am pathetic. Oh well! And they’re in! The announcers mention that Natalie Coughlin and Katie Hoff aren’t swimming this event because Natalie decided to take some time off, and Katie decided not to swim it. To that I say: LOL. Everyone knows I love Natalie Coughlin but I give no love to Katie Hoff, man. None. I am a jerk. As far as I’m concerned, the only thing that saved her from permanently being my own personal official face of FailBlog is Sarah Palin.

For the butterfly, Elizabeth Pelton is in first. Apparently the backstroke is her best so she’s staying pretty far ahead of everyone. Knutson is in second. Pelton is 15 years old and the announcers are freaking out. UH OH Smit and Knutson are pulling ahead! They’re gonna destroy Katie Hoff’s record LOOOOL. Smit hits first and breaks the American record. Elizabeth Pelton hits second and must be SO EXCITED, dude. God knows I would be excited if I was 15 and was doing anything other than… blogging. A lifelong blogger, am I. Kukors, Knutson, Beisel, and Leverenz get 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th.

Women’s 200M IM Results

  1. Julia Smit (WC) — New American Record – 2:09.34
  2. Elizabeth Pelton (WC)
  3. Ariana Kukors

More Commercials! And this has become less liveblogging and more delayed blogging what with all the pausing and name-checking I’ve been doing. Look at me, being all responsible liveblogger. Aw. How much I’ve grown. *Music montage of my days on Livejournal to now*

Now its the Men’s 100M Breaststroke

And they mention that Brendan Hansen holds the American Record in that event, and I shake my head in disappointment because Hansen used to be my one true love (well, one of my 12 true loves anyway), and last year I had to GIVE HIM THE BOOT. Sigh.

Men’s 100M Breaststroke Lane Assignments

  1. Clark Burckle
  2. Marcus Titus
  3. Mark Gangloff
  4. Eric Shanteau
  5. Scott Spann
  6. Matthew Lowe
  7. Adam Klein who is slapping his boobs.
  8. Curtis Lovelace

And they are playing DANGER ZONE in the background and that is awesome.

AND THEY’RE IN. Gangloff is in first so far, Shanteau in second. This is less exciting for me when I don’t know any of the swimmers. DANG. WHOA Gangloff hits the wall first and BREAKS HANSEN’S RECORD. See, this is what happens when you DO NOT SUCK, BRENDAN.

Men’s 100M Breaststroke Results

  1. Mark Gangloff (WC) — New American Record – 59.01
  2. Eric Shanteau (WC)
  3. Marcus Titus

I SEE AARON PEIRSOL ♥♥♥♥♥. Let’s predict how many times the announcers mention his laid-back, California surfer style of swimming. I predict 4 times.

Back to the show, Men’s 100M Backstroke is ONNNNN. And Aaron is gonna win the race and also my heart, RIGHT? RIGHT? Why am I so obsesso girl? I literally just blew a kiss to my TV. There’s something wrong with me.

Men’s 100M Backstroke Lane Assignments

  1. David Cromwell
  2. Peter Marshall
  3. Matt Grevers — Didn’t Kim have a crush on this guy? Hm?
  4. Aaron Peirsol!!!!! !!!!! !!!! !!
  5. Nick Thoman
  6. Ben Hesen
  7. David Russell
  8. Rexford Tullius. That is kind of an amazing name.

They cut to Peirsol who is like caressing his own neck and I LAUGH. He’s also wearing the signature half-suit cos he likes to show off his sexiness for me. Just for me. Not for you, but for me. The menz get into position, and the race starts. GO BABY GO BABY.  Thus far it looks like Grevers is in first? Peirsol is in second but is closing in! He’s in first UGH UGH UGH OMG . ZOOMING AHEAD. YES PEIRSOL GETS FIRST AND WINS BACK HIS WORLD RECORD. Grevers gets second. Peirsol is still kinda balding but I don’t even care.

Can we talk about how I just went through the above section and corrected typos and names and stuff, and every single time I typed Peirsol, I alternated between spelling it correctly and spelling it TOTALLY INCORRECTLY? What?! When we get married I’m going to have problems signing my signature. Yeah. Uh….

Men’s 100M Backstroke Results

  1. Aaron Peirsol (WC) — New World Record – 51.94
  2. Matt Grevers (WC)
  3. Nick Thoman
Awww, babycakes.

Awww, babycakes.

How come I only JUST realized that Kim already talked about results in her post this morning? I don’t know, buuuut I don’t care.

Men’s 200M Butterfly Lane Assignments

  1. TP Patrick
  2. Davis Tarwater
  3. Daniel Madwed
  4. Michael Phelps
  5. Mark Dylla
  6. Tyler Clary
  7. Robert Looney sup potential hottie?
  8. David Mosko

I’m admiring bulges while they’re getting up on the block. I’m a perv. AND OFF THEY GO. It’s Phelps, Clary, and Madwed so far in the first 50m. Phelps is way ahead, as usual. The hottie and Mosko are WAAAAY behind. Aw. Goodbye, potential hottie. Phelps hits first, of course, followed by Madwed, and Milky doesnt even look excited. He looks downright annoyed, actually. Don’t worry, Milky, you’ll get back into the swing of things. Once you stop partying with strippers and.. stuff.



Men’s 200M Butterfly Results

  1. Michael Phelps (WC)
  2. Tyler Clary (WC)
  3. Daniel Madwed

THE LADIES ARE BACK for the Women’s 100m Breaststroke.

Women’s 100m Breaststroke Lane Assignments

  1. Corrie Clark
  2. Rebecca Soni
  3. Sara Nicponski
  4. Kasey Carlson
  5. Keri Hehn
  6. Megan Jendrick
  7. Ashleu Wanland
  8. Kerry Kraemer

They’re talking about the new suits cos Rebecca is wearing one. The race starts and Soni is in first thus far, Hehn in second and Carlson in third. Soni gets first but just misses the world record. AW.

Women’s 100m Breaststroke Results

  1. Rebecca Soni (WC) — New American Record – 1:05.34
  2. Kasey Carlson (WC)
  3. Keri Hehn

MENZZZZESESESSS 100M BUTTERFLY. I just saw my boy Aaron. Let’s do this.

Men’s 100M Butterfly Lane Assignments

  1. Jordan Anderson
  3. Aaron Peirsol!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. Michael Phelps
  5. Tyler McGill
  6. Davis Tarwater
  7. Kyle Bubolz
  8. Mark Dylla

If Lochte was in this race it would be a 4 way race to my heart. Except I’m not in love with Milky, so maybe just a 3-way. Apparently record-holder Ian Crocker opened a swim school in Austin, TX. Kim should go there and learn how to swim with the Crocker. The race begins and we’ll see if Milky gets all pissed this race. Phelps is in first, Bubolz and Peirsol in 2nd and 3rd so far. Phelps is way ahead AND MANAGES TO BREAK THE WORLD RECORD. Go, boy. Go, boy.

He still doesn’t look excited but Debbie looks like she’s about to poop herself out of excitement. AW, now he’s smiling, finally.

They go to an interview with Milky, who pulls his suit down to an almost inappropriate level, and the crowd GOES WILD. I’m not even making that up. It’s hilarious.

Men’s 100M Butterfly Results

  1. Michael Phelps (WC) — New World Record – 50.22
  2. Tyler McGill
  3. Aaron Peirsol
Can we talk about this for a second?

Can we talk about this for a second?

The ladies are back for the Women’s 50M Freestyle

Women’s 50M Freestyle Lane Assignments

  1. Lacey Nymeyer
  2. Dana Vollmer
  3. Amanda Weir
  4. Dara Torres. Ugh ok we get it. She’s old. She’s awesome. I’m bored.
  5. Anne-Marie Botek. What an unfortunate nose on that girl.
  6. Christine Magnuson
  7. Lara Jackson
  8. Karlee Bispo

LET’S GO. Whoaaaaa okay Torres got it. I didn’t even have anything to blog. Blink, and it was done. 50 metres, man. It’s hard to get excited about something that takes roughly 3 seconds.

Women’s 50M Freestyle Results

  1. Dara Torres (WC)
  2. Amanda Weir (WC)
    Can we talk about how both times I’ve typed her name, I’ve typed it Amanda Weird? UGH, CELISSE. UGH.
  3. Lara Jackson

Men’s 50M Freestyle Lane Assignments

  1. Matt Grevers
  2. Nathan Adrian. Sup Cutie?
  3. Nick Brunelli
  4. Cullen Jones
  5. Jimmy Feigen. The announcer just said he’s gonna be a STUUUUD in the future. IF HE TAKES OFF HIS CAP AND GOGGLES I CAN JUDGE IF HE’S A STUD RIGHT NOW, FOOLS.
  6. Garrett Weber-Gale. Didn’t I love him last year?
  7. Sabir Muhammed
  8. Bryan Lundquist

THESE RACES ARE SO FAST. I DONT KOW WHAT TO SAY. GASP Nathan Adrian is cute AND he won! Cullen Jones and Garret Weber-Gale tied for second! SWIM-OFF. HECK YES.

Men’s 50M Freestyle Results

  1. Nathan Adrian (WC) aka new hottie of my life
  2. Cullen Jones and (TIE)
  3. Garrett Weber Gale (TIE)
Nathan Adrian and MATT GREVERS LOL

Nathan Adrian and MATT GREVERS LOL

Sorry, Grevers. Also, I feel like I perved on Nathan Adrian last year. HM. Aaaand the ladies are back after some commercials.

Women’s 400M IM Lane Assignments

  1. Leah Gingrich
  2. Caitlin Leverenz
  3. Dagny Knutson
  4. Julia Smit
  5. Elizabeth Beisel
  6. Ariana Kukors
  7. Andie Taylor
  8. Amber McDermott

Who am I rooting for? I don’t know who to root for. Sigh. So far at the 100m Taylor, Kukors, and Beisel are in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Beisel is in first with a small lead followed by Knutson and McDermott. At the 250M, it’s still Beisel, with Knutson and Smit following. Smit is moving ahead of Beisel! Smit and Beisel are neck and neck. It’s the final 50 and Beisel is still in the lead but not by much! Smit is falling a little behind but still makes it into second place, with Knutson in third.

Women’s 400M IM Results

  1. Elizabeth Beisel (WC)
  2. Julia Smit (WC)
  3. Dagny Knutson
Julia Smit and Elizabeth Beisel

Julia Smit and Elizabeth Beisel

Men’s 100M Free is next and the announcers are pooping their pants about how many Olympic Medalists are in this final. Like Kim said previously, Milky dropped out of this race cos of a “tweaked neck.”

Men’s 100M Freestyle Lane Assignments

  1. Jimmy Feigen
  2. Cullen Jones
  3. Garrett Weber-Gale
  4. Nathan Adrian hello bbcakes
  5. Dave Walters. He has a nose that could match Anne-Marie Botek’s.
  6. Nick Brunelli
  7. Ricky Berens ❤
  8. Matt Grevers, who got into this race when Ryan Lochte dropped the event. SIGH.

Kim: Lochte scratched himself so i could see grevers

Celisse: haahahahahahaha

Celisse: you’re the only one who wants to see grevers!


Hello, bulgeous Nathan Adrian. LETS GO. At the 50M, Grevers, Adrian and Feigen are leading. GASP Adrian won again! Didn’t get a record and cutie isn’t pleased, but he still won.

Men’s 100M Freestyle Results

  1. Nathan Adrian (WC)
  2. David Walters (WC)
  3. Garrett Weber-Gale
Oh, hello there.

Oh, hello there.

Men’s 200M IM is next! I just saw my boy Ryan Lochte, who I’ve been cheating on all afternoon. I’M SORRY, BABY. FORGIVE ME PLEASE.

Men’s 200M IM Lane Assignments

  1. Matt Thompson
  2. Nick D’Innocenzo
  3. Eric Shanteau. CANCER FREE. Thanks, announcers.
  4. RYAN LOCHTE. He looks prettier than usual, which is HARD TO DO. He’s trying to win me away from Nathan Adrian, obviously.
  5. Tyler Clary
  6. Jack Brown
  7. Bryan Collins
  8. Robert Margalis

50M, Lochte, Clary, and Shanteau are in the lead. The announcers are surprised and I say WHY because babycakes is awesome so SHUT IT, FOOLS. Lochte is still way in the lead! HE JUUUUST MISSES THE WORLD RECORD UGHHH. so close. He’s annoyed. He needs a hug. And a grope. Let me console you, Ryan.

Men’s 200M IM Results

  1. Ryan Lochte (WC)
  2. Eric Shanteau (WC)
  3. Tyler Clary
Really, Ryan? STILL?

Really, Ryan? STILL?

Women’s 200M Backstroke Lane Assignments

  1. Ashley Jones
  2. Teresa Crippen
  3. Katie Riefenstahl. That is not a name that is helpful for liveblogging.
  4. Elizabeth Beisel
  5. Elizabeth Pelton
  6. Maggie Meyer
  7. Margaret Hoelzer
  8. Mei Christensen

The announcers are like WHISPERING and it’s super distracting and annoying. I love how my Swimming liveblogs are a commentary on not only the events, but also the ANNOYING ANNOUNCERS. Meyer, Hoelzer, and Christensen are in the lead at the 50m. Pelton is inching up on Meyer and looks like she’s gonna pass her, but Meyer is still slightly in the lead. Pelton seems to have surpassed Meyer by a TINY bit WHOA BEISEL HITS THE WALL FIRST, followed by Pelton.

Women’s 200M Backstroke Results

  1. Elizabeth Beisel (WC)
  2. Elizabeth Pelton (WC)
  3. Margaret Hoelzer

And now, random pictures, just for funzies:

For Kim: Matt Grevers with Ous Mellouli and Ryan Lochte from uhhh the Long Beach Grand Prix

For Kim: Matt Grevers with Ous Mellouli and Ryan Lochte from uhhh the Long Beach Grand Prix



We haven't forgotten you, Eamon Sullivan's Torso.

We haven't forgotten you, Eamon Sullivan's Torso.

NBC is showing more swimming on Sunday at 2PM ET, so tune in then. YAY SWIMMING.


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