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61st Primetime Emmy Awards!

September 20, 2009

Yeah, liveblogging!!!

I’m not that excited about the Emmy’s this year, because I am cynical. Because instead of being excited that Jack McBrayer and Jemaine Clement are nominated, I just feel like Emmy voters are trying to feign hipness by nominating the things they know are “in” right now. The fact that they nominated all of this Justin Timberlake business from SNL when it was complete rehash of the 193 other times he’s hosted SNL (and therefore really tired) kind of proves this point. “Oh shit, guys, Omeletteville was FUNNY, let’s nominate for that four years later.”

But I do love Neil Patrick Harris and a ton of the nominees, so I’ll drop the cynicalness for a bit and give you all the goods.

Also, please remember, I’m presently without DVR, an intern, printed out notes, etc, so I can’t pause and create any kind of perfection. And I personally only kept notes for my picks.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY, regardless of what happens, I’m putting on Mad Men at 11.

We’ve begun! NPH is narrating something about basketball and Aretha Franklin’s hat and sophistication (cut to scene from Wipe Out!). There’s cheesy 1950s-like narration jokes, and it’s light and fun, and hopefully NPH is about to sing.

Indeed he is. He’s wearing a snazzy white suit jacket and trying to convince me not to change the channel, and it’s actually not that funny. Paula Abdul joke. Jokes about Joan Holloway’s curves, and okay, “Her curves could turn a blind man straight and a gay man – no wait, there’s Jon Hamm.” Hee. He’s so precious. Whoever is with Tracy Morgan or Alec Baldwin is creepy. NPH is talking about the lack of theme songs on TV, and it’s SO TRUE. In fact, in my Facebook interests, I have listed:

Favorite Music:
tv theme songs.. why aren’t they a big thing anymore?

You didn’t believe me, did you?

Two and a Half Men diss, and we’re only seven minutes in. He’s trying to host like he’s Johnny Carson or something, I think, and it sort of works and sort of doesn’t, and I just want to get a move on.

They’re dividing the show into five sections tonight, and everything is in full view (the band, the control room), and the first section is comedy. So now we’re having a comedy montage that is starting with Family Guy. And now the Office and Ugly Betty and 30 Rock.. so I guess it’s all modern stuff only. I’d enjoy a Dick Van Dyke clip or something here. It ends with floppy haired Jon Hamm, though, so I accept.

Tina Fey and non-floppy haired Jon Hamm are out to present the first award. He thanks us for looking at him. Tina just referred to Seth MacFarlane as Seth MacFarland. Anyways, it’s best supporting actress in a Comedy.

I picked Amy Poehler, though now I wish I had picked Kristin Chenoweth for she is wearing hilarious 2009 glasses. No wait, it’s a thing. They’re all wearing some sort of glasses. Except Vanessa Williams who is either a mega bitch or thinks that part is funny. And Kristin Chenoweth did win and she’s crying! Aw! She just told everyone that it was Amy Poehler’s idea to wear the glasses (so obviously Vanessa Williams is just a mega bitch), and she’s crying and I LOVE HER. She is saying that she’s unemployed so she would like to be on Mad Men, the Office and 24. I’m in an emotional state right now, so I almost cried. AWWWW, ITTY BITTY! She’s still crying backstage, so I’m calling that genuine.

The whole cast of How I Met Your Mother is presenting (minus NPH), and aww. Since Jason Segel isn’t like 8 feet taller than everyone else, that is ONE TALL CAST. Josh Radnor has a great narrator voice, by the way. 30 Rock just won a writing Emmy.

Some girl named Barbie won a seat for being the biggest TV fan in America or something. Neil is making fun of the crummy bit (her seat is behing basketball players! Ha!) Julia Louis Dreyfuss and Amy Poehler are presenting and being all cute and making fun of how networks suck and supporting actors/actresses can buy their awards.

Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy. I picked Neil Patrick Harris. Remember when Jon Cryer was Duckie and was awesome? Now I just want to punch him. JACK MCBRAYER. AW HE’S GETTING LOTS OF APPLAUSE AND HE’S SO FUCKING ADORABLE AND I LOVE HIM. Jon Cryer won. Oh, I might as well stop watching now. Kevin Dillon looks like he wants to kill someone, but this goes for what I was saying before. Let’s nominate the hip stuff and then give them to the milquetoast. Jon Cryer is being funny, but he lost me when he started talking about how amazing Charlie Sheen is. Life would have been so fantastic had Amy Poehler been able to give Jackie McB an Emmy. Alas.

Here’s a picture of Jack McBrayer showing why he’s a million times funnier than Jon Cryer:

jack

I took this on my cell phone last month. While laughing. SO THERE, DUCKIE.

TELEVISION-EMMYS/

NPH jokes about losing, it’s cute, moving along, Justin Timberlake is wearing a suit and looking all sharp and being funnier than most of the comedians have been so far. Pause for applause for Bea Arthur.

Best Actress in a Comedy. I picked Toni Collette. Sarah Silverman is wearing a moustache and being completely deadpan, and I like her much more than I used to. And Toni Collette won, so I finally got one right!. Sarah Silverman is pretending to simper in her seat with her moustache, and yeah, funny.

silverman

Jon Cryer is saying “In Your Face” to Neil Patrick Harris from the press room. Blake Lively and Leighton Meester are talking about the Creative Emmys, and they both look awful. I mean, let’s be clear, they both look a million times better than I do right now, but I’m not at an awards show.

TELEVISION-EMMYS/

Tina Fey and Justin Timberlake won awards for being on SNL, and they get to talk during the show, and JT just made a Kanye joke. Come on, Justin. Tina Fey just said, Thanks to Lorne Michaels for making her rich and famous, “if it weren’t for Lorne, Justin would still be very rich and very famous.” A guy from the Office won something and I’m not sure what. I’m a hack. Anyways, he thanks this wonderful moment right here:

And we’re back! With Rob Lowe! I wish he were in character as Sam Seaborn. Rob Lowe can be very, very funny. He had a good SNL a few years back. Right now he’s just being a bit weird. But he’s giving us the Best Actor in a Comedy Series one. I picked Jim Parsons for no reason. As much as I love Jemaine, the name Jemaine Clement doesn’t flow very well. Weirdly enough, the only scene that made me chuckle in the nominee clips was the Tony Shalhoub one. Alec Baldwin won, which isn’t shocking because I forgot about his duel role episode. Baldwin says that he would trade the Emmy to look like Rob Lowe, for serious. And let’s remember that Alec Baldwin used to look like this:

We’re transitioning to the Reality segment which makes me want to change the channel, but I’ll keep with it. Especially because the set just went all Who Wants to be a Millionaire/X-Files-y. Lots of clips of people cursing and losing brain cells.

Maksim and Karina from Dancing with the Stars are dancing all sexylike, which is AWKWARD cause they totally just broke off their engagement. And actually, this isn’t that impressive of a dance, and I wonder if it’s because of that. They disappeared and a bunch of other dancers are here, and eh. Hayden Panettiere looks cute, if you ask me. She is presenting the Best Reality Host with Jon Cryer. I picked Jeff Probst. He wins! I’m a winner! Except Jeff Probst is, and he thanks Neil Patrick Harris for being awesome. Jeff Probst has gotten really strange looking from the first season of Survivor, and he’s also talking about this being his dream. It’s confusing, because when he was a kid, there was no reality TV for him to dream about hosting a TV show about people being thrown into the jungle/outback/desert/etc. Hm.

Tracy Morgan is going to present something or other, and he makes everyone in the crowd laugh simply by saying, “Thank you, Neil Patrick Harris.” I picked Project Runway knowing full well that Amazing Race always wins. Tracy Morgan’s naming of the nominees is cracking me up, and he’s not really doing anything but saying the names of the TV shows in his animated way. And Amazing Race won, of course, but it won after we got an adorable clip of FABIO VIVIANI from Top Chef. Drink if the Amazing Race person says, “It never gets old” or something like that. Neil Patrick Harris says, “Upsets at every turn!” Ha.

Okay, we’re done with Reality and moving on to Movies/Miniseries. Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick are out, and I love them, for they totally ride the subway in NYC like normal people. I’m pretty sure everyone that I know (myself included) has seen them on the train. Supporting Actress in a Miniseries, and Shoreh Agdashloo won. I’ve LOVED her since House of Sand and Fog. She’s brilliant and glamorous and beautiful.

Best Supporting Actor goes to Ken Howard for Grey Gardens, which is the only one of these I kind of wanted to see. I didn’t even make pics for these categories. He just made a Joe Wilson/Kanye joke because apparently nobody got the memo that they’re old hat already. He’s the dad from Crossing Jordan, and I almost didn’t recognize him without the Bahston accent. He won an Emmy on his wife’s birthday, and he’s mentioning it while she cries, that’s so adorable.

Brendan Gleeson beat out some pretty heavy competition for Best Actor in a Miniseries/Movie. I think. Though Kevin Kline and Ian McKellan’s were both from plays that were filmed and aired on TV, I guess. He seemingly made an adorable Irish speech, but my mom called. Sorry! I’ll pretend that he won an award for In Bruges, because that was an awesome movie.

Patricia Arquette needs some serious boob control. I think this is a writing award, but I am thoroughly distracted. This whole section has been all over the place. No two miniseries have won anything yet. And directing is also being given out. Little Dorrit won the last two. Yeah Irish! So, Patricia Arquette has better boob control than this Irish lady (Dearbhla Walsh) who is clearly not wearing a bra.

It’s Dr. Horrible time!!! I actually have not watched this yet, which is a shame, because I love NPH and Joss Whedon and humour. Dr. Horrible has interrupted the accountants telling us how they tally votes. He’s explaining why the internet is better because it’s in a tinier size and constantly buffers and HELLO, Nathan Fillion. They’re talking about keyboard cat, which is awesome. We’re back to the accountants, who are midsentence, and that was precious.

Alec Baldwin is out presenting Best Actress to Jessica Lange, who has had enough plastic surgery to create a whole new human. Drew Barrymore is there with Justin Long, who is a Mac. Wasn’t there all kinds of drama about how Jessica Lange REFUSED to submit her name as a Best Supporting Actor thereby basically denying Drew an Emmy and blah blah? Now she’s acting all lovey-dovey with her.

Kiefer Sutherland and Anna Torv (is that her name? She’s on Fringe). Kiefer looks good, and Anna looks like she’s wearing a dress which requires a shirt. It’s just.. too saggy in the middle. This is the best made for TV movie category, which is fascinating if only because I forgot we were still in this section. Anyhoo, Grey Gardens wins. Drew jumps out of her seat in excitement. I laugh at Justin Long who sits calmly next to her. I really need to see Grey Gardens. Maybe I can make Amanda Netflix it. Yeah?!

Now it’s outstanding miniseries. There were only like, two nominees, and Little Dorrit won. I will take this opportunity to use the facilities. My apologies, Little Dorrit fans.

We now switch to Variety. Clips from SNL, the Academy Awards, BLAGOJEVICH on Letterman, Obama on Leno, Jon Stewart, Conan O’Brien, Craig Ferguson dancing, Joaquin Phoenix being an idiot, You’re Welcome America, Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, the Oscars, etc, etc. Man, TV can be so good sometimes. Honestly. I remember playing Mad Libs with my sister once and her listing Johnny Galecki while I thought his name was Johnny Golucky. He used to be cute on Roseanne. What happened? Jim Parsons is the definition of “adorkable” and I hate that word. Somebody from American Idol won something. Best Director of a Variety Program? Apparently Bruce Gowers is the guy that directed the Bohemian Rhapsody video.

Outstanding Writing in a Variety Series. It’s good to see Peter Gwinn. I love him. The Outstanding Series ones always ALWAYS have the best segments. I think I look forward to this the most. This year they’re not as good. The Colbert Show writers got yelled away from the David Letterman awning by Colbert. The Daily Show were all cash for clunkers cars. Conan O’Brien accepted friend requests on Facebook of his writers (including Brian Stack!), the Letterman writer names were sung by Billy Crystal, including a knock at Jay Leno, “Aren’t you on at 10?” and Brian Williams read off the names of the SNL writers, including JESSICA CONRAD who I went to school with. Aw, congrats on the nomination, Jess!

It’s worth mentioning that all night long, Neil Patrick Harris has been introducing the presenters by naming their really old/lesser known/hilarious credits, for example, Jimmy Fallon’s role as “photographer” in Spin City. Jimmy Fallon is singing in Autotune. And he just pratfalled. Steve Carell is dying laughing, and Fred Armisen is slightly amused. Kevin Kline’s face shows shocked unamusement. Hee. I was part of the laugh track for A Colbert Christmas, which I blogged about a million years ago, so if it wins, I feel partially responsible. This is a singing number award or something, I think. The Academy Awards won, beating out Colbert, Timberlake, etc.

LET’S KEEP THIS MOVING BECAUSE I HAVE TO WATCH MAD MEN IN 54 MINUTES.

Ricky Gervais just cursed or something. The mike wasn’t there. I love him. Love. He’s mocking other awards ceremonies and such. Tom Hanks is so funny. I’m laughing so hard, and they just showed Mariska Hargitay and her Hottie McHotterson husband. I believe his name is Peter Hermann?

Dreamboat.

Dreamboat.

The Daily Show just won Outstanding Variety Series, and the guy who states all of the facts about the winners is saying things about this being The Daily Show’s 900th Emmy, that they’ve been on for 76 years starting on Comedy Central Radio. I like that so many winners keep telling Neil Patrick Harris that he’s awesome. Speaking of football, JStew, how are the Giants doing? They’re up at the half. I am kicking fantasy football’s ass this week. Thanks, Frank Gore.

Okay we’re moving into the final section: DRAMARAMA. The sound on my TV just got all messed up. Unless it’s the show. I’m not sure. HEY THERE, HOT EVIL TONY ALMEIDA. They’re showing the end of Lost, which ruins it for anyone who hasn’t watched last season yet, no? I love that Chris O’Donnell is working again. He’s so handsome. Except maybe not now. Supporting Actor! I picked Michael Emerson, because of the Lost factor, though I fucking love John Slattery and would not be surprised if Aaron Paul wins. MICHAEL EMERSON WON! YEAH! He’s so, so good. His speech was short, sweet, to the point and included some Hawaiian, so good. Good.

Supporting Actress: I don’t really care about this category at all, but I picked Dianne Wiest. CHERRY JONES WON. NO SHIT? Wow. She’s dating Sarah Paulson, which kind of blows my mind, but yeah, she was fun on 24, but who would ever think that she would win? Kiefer is wearing glasses now. I like it.

In Memoriam section, which I will not liveblog. Sarah Mclachlan is singing “I Will Remember You,” which is beautiful because they focused on the screen and not her unlike the Academy Awards with Queen Latifah.

Taken from E!Online:
• The “2009” specs modeled by Chenoweth during the telecast were stunning, and I, of course, have to know where she got them. Amy Poehler, she tells me. Elaborating on her remarks from the telecast, Chenoweth explains that Poehler goaded on her fellow Emmy nominees at a pre-Emmy party last night: “We’re the funny girls,” Poehler told them, per Chenoweth. “We have to do them.”
• And yes, Vanessa Williams not wearing glasses was part of the joke, Chenoweth assures us.

Okay, so I take back my mega bitch comment.

THIRTY MINUTES ‘TIL I CHANGE THE CHANNEL FOR MAD MEN.

These commercial breaks are outrageously long.

Stephen Moyer and David Boreanaz are out to talk about Guest Actors/Actresses on a Drama Series. They’re almost all from some form of L&O. Jimmy Smits was considered a Guest Actor? Ellen Burstyn and Michael J. Fox won, and it’s always awesme to see Michael J. Fox. Somebody with the bastardized version of my last name is nominated. Cool. AND HEY, HE WON. He’s not there, so I’ll accept the award on his behalf and also ADD AN E TO THE END OF HIS LAST NAME.

Best Writing goes to Matt Weiner and a variation of people. Kater Gordon. She’s wearing a great dress, and John Slattery looks like he just got out of bed. It’s awesome. Matt Weiner has like 18 kids. WRAP IT UP, WEINER, I HAVE TO WATCH YOUR SHOW IN 22 MINUTES.

Simon Baker is such a babe, and he makes me regret never watching the Mentalist, though he should take off those glasses. Best Actress in a Drama.

Not the Emmys, but you get the idea..

Not the Emmys, but you get the idea..

I picked Elisabeth Moss. “I had a baby, and I gave it away” gives me goosebumps every. single. time. Do we think that Kyra Sedgwick is just doing a Holly Hunter impression on The Closer? Glenn Close won. Okay. Fun fact! Holly Hunter once lived with Frances McDormand, Sam Raimi and Joel & Ethan Coen. That’s pretty neat. Also, she’s 51 and doesn’t look it at all, and she has twins that she gave birth to at the age of 47. I’m impressed by Holly Hunter’s life. It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t stand the way she speaks.

Dana Delaney is giving out the Best Actor in a Drama award all by herself while wearing the same glasses as Simon Baker. Michael C. Hall looks really sick. Hugh Laurie looks really grumpy. Bryan Cranston won, which isn’t surprising, but I picked Michael C. Hall because it’s a shame that Dexter has never gotten any love. Cranston doesn’t want me to watch Mad Men, apparently. WRAP THIS SHIT UP, YO.

Bob Newhart is out to be amazing, per usual. Yes, I was one of those kids that watched Nick at Nite obsessively. But Bob, Halle Berry did not kiss Adrien Brody. Other way around. And I don’t think Halle appreciated it at all. I picked How I Met Your Mother to win. And the Emmy unsurprisingly goes to 30 Rock. Listen, I love, LOVE 30 Rock, but some other shows need some love sometimes. And did Tina Fey really just say, “Woo! That was a nail biter!”? Because, um, no. No, Tina. Jack McBrayer is so happy back there. It makes me grin.

Some stupid online contest that they had between American Idol, True Blood and Gossip Girl ended with True Blood winning. I couldn’t possibly care any less.

MAD MEN IS STARTING IN THREE MINUTES. END THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Good thing the replay starts at 11:03, I have some time. Two minutes now.

Go, NPH, go! Sigourney Weaver is out to present Best Drama. She’s talking about this being a golden age in drama, which is kind of true. Sort of. Anyways, she’s speeding through it for my benefit and YES MAD MEN WON! This is the only category in which me and my roommate picked the same nominee. Mad Men wins and now I can watch Mad Men. I wish he would make a joke about it, but he probably won’t. Well, he might have, but I wouldn’t know because my TV just autotuned to AMC. Whoops! Everyone looks great. That’s all I have to say. Now I will watch the actual show.

Sorry I’ll miss you saying “Goodnight everybody,” Mr. Harris, but… goodnight everybody!

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Leeanne permalink
    September 20, 2009 10:23 pm

    I did my predictions and got so many wrong out of all of them I got Cherry Jones, Kirstin Chenoweth, Mad Men, 30 Rock, Glenn Close. I was sad that NPH didn’t win and no Flight of the Conchords love.

  2. Amandala permalink
    September 20, 2009 10:23 pm

    “Woo! That was a nail biter!” was the perfect classy, subtle response to Bob Newhart’s adoring but somewhat befuddled intro. Newhart opened with “I’m so glad Tina won tonight.” But she didn’t win for best actress in a comedy series. And he sure hadn’t announced the award for best comedy yet.

  3. September 20, 2009 10:47 pm

    She did win for best guest star.. so it could’ve been him confusing it for Best Actress, or he could’ve just been referencing that. And I am not entirely sure how that would be a response to Newhart, but fair enough.

  4. Amandala permalink
    September 20, 2009 11:18 pm

    Ah, thanks, I wasn’t up to snuff on my creative arts Emmy’s. But the Halle Berry/Adrian joke still makes me think he was referring to the award he was presenting, not the earlier win. My interpretation of it while watching was that Newhart misspoke (perhaps he meant to say “I hope Tina will win”), and his slip gave the impression that he knew 30 Rock was going to win, which was a little awkward, and that Fey was making a joke based on that.

  5. maggie permalink
    September 21, 2009 12:15 am

    Stumbled on this when I googled for a reason for Newhart’s teary eyes…..

    what a fun read!! thanks!

  6. cynthia permalink
    September 21, 2009 11:20 am

    Hey, ease up on Vanessa Williams. To quote from e-online…

    “The “2009” specs modeled by Chenoweth during the telecast were stunning, and I, of course, have to know where she got them. Amy Poehler, she tells me. It seems Poehler goaded on her fellow Emmy nominees at a pre-Emmy party last night: “We’re the funny girls,” Poehler told them, per Chenoweth. “We have to do them.”

    And yes, Vanessa Williams not wearing glasses was part of the joke, Chenoweth assures us.”

    Next time you assume, try not to be such an ASS about it.

    • September 21, 2009 12:58 pm

      Per THIS VERY POST THAT YOU COMMENTED ON:

      “Taken from E!Online:
      • The “2009” specs modeled by Chenoweth during the telecast were stunning, and I, of course, have to know where she got them. Amy Poehler, she tells me. Elaborating on her remarks from the telecast, Chenoweth explains that Poehler goaded on her fellow Emmy nominees at a pre-Emmy party last night: “We’re the funny girls,” Poehler told them, per Chenoweth. “We have to do them.”
      • And yes, Vanessa Williams not wearing glasses was part of the joke, Chenoweth assures us.

      Okay, so I take back my mega bitch comment.”

      I know this is a VERY LONG ENTRY, but next time you leave a comment, make sure you know how to read.

  7. Celisse permalink
    September 21, 2009 9:17 pm

    Aaahahahahahahahahah

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