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The SNL Live Review: Premiere Edition! [Megan Fox & U2]

September 26, 2009

I do not like Megan Fox. I do not particularly care for U2. I miss Michaela Watkins. This will perhaps be painful. Like last year’s Michael Phelps/Lil Wayne premiere.

Cold Open: Fred Armisen is playing Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi. It’s all translated by a narrator and when the big jokes are about six hour time differences and loose leaf paper making people look crazy and Liam Neeson movies.. eh. Though I actually do find the Liam Neeson strong and smart parts pretty funny.

I had a pretty long day and travelled a ton, and I am exhausted. This is not going over well. We’re on minute four of an unfunny sketch. I was not impressed.

New credits!! 35th season, eh? Bill Hader in Washington Square Park. Jason Sudeikis playing basketball. Kenan on the Brooklyn Bridge. Coney Island! Abby Elliott’s clip looks more like a modelling show. And introducing the new gals, Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate.

Monologue: Megan Fox is out in a tiny black dress and weird blue shoes, and all of her jokes are going to be about her being hot, aren’t they? Yeah, it’s about fake naked pictures. Because, ha ha, everything on the internet is real. She’s a very bad cue card reader, but she seems pretty natural, so maybe this won’t be as bad as I am expecting. Unfunny, just not painfully so.

Bladdivan: Will Forte’s short hairdo is upsetting. He has such beautiful hair, and it’s all gone. Speaking of gone, Darrell’s still around, right? I don’t remember seeing him in the credits, but he was definitely in the Weekend Update Thursdays. Okay, apparently Darrell did retire. And I’m pretty sure that Don Pardo left, but I don’t know whether or not he did the opening announcement. I’m pretty sure Bill Hader is capable of a Pardo impression (as Chris Parnell and Darrell were in the past).

Turbulence: A plane is going to crash, and they’re out of Terra Blue Chips. “I’m going to see if I can sneak you guys some pretzels!” Were Andy or Abby stepping on each other’s lines? Because there was no reason for that to be said at the same time.

Next week! Ryan Reynolds and Lady Gaga. I will pre-vote that to be one of the nuttiest of the season. Apparently Gerard Butler is hosting in a few weeks. Hot.

Fun fact of the night: Apparently Simon Pegg is in the studio. He loves Kristen Wiig. And Seth Meyers says there will be useful travel info during Weekend Update. Thanks, Twitter.

Russian Brides: A Megan Fox is hot and Fred Armisen is an ugly woman sketch. Will Forte is trying to pick a Russian Bride. Megan Fox plays Katya who likes pleasing her husband. Svetlana likes nothing. Forte keeps repeating the punchline, Svetlana is $10 cheaper. Now Fred is doing a Madonna impression while Megan Fox is talking about her guilty pleasure being oral sex. Svetlana also killed her exhusband for thinking he was cheating on her with feces and rocks. Nobody is chosen, sketch ends, waste of time.

Digital Short: Megan Fox and Will Forte are on a date while piano music plays. Forte talks pretty funny, in a Conor Oberst/Mitch Hedberg kind of way. He’s a SWAT Team Commander who bailed on a drug bust for this date. He also bottle feeds lambs, and then slaughters them and sells their meat, and he’s being all whiny and adorable. Forte is crying about the lambs and the commanding SWAT, and I don’t know why I find this funny, but I do. She asks him to marry her, he says “No fucking way” and walks away.

Grady Wilson’s Burnin Up the Bedsheets: Kenan! He’s an old man trying to teach us how to make the loves. This is a recurring thing, isn’t it? Grady Wilson is teaching us how to pan for gold and dip the ladle. Megan Fox is in as Amber, who responded to his ad in the Penny Saver, and I actually am finding this sketch funny.

U2 – Breathe: It’s U2 time, and they started playing even before Megan Fox introduced them. They have a fun light show behind them, and of course Bono is going to leave the stage for some posturing at some point. BONO CANNOT BE CONTAINED. This song is okay enough, but I’m so tired of U2’s existence.

Weekend Update!

Will anyone be offended if I stop liveblogging after this? Probs not.

New York City jokes always make me laugh. Do they work as well in other parts of the country? Example: Isratine being Queens. Also, the “Second most sough after caregivers in NYC? Parents” joke.

Re: the 19.2 lb baby. “The new mom said she was beside herself, but only because she was split in two.” That’s excellent, Seth. Excellent.

INCREABLAY.

Liveblogging through exhaustion doesn’t fly. I feel that this is a failure in execution, so I will not just give you a picture of Megan Fox.

Arkansas: Where even being pregnant doesn’t stop you from getting pregnant.

This edition of WU has a ton of good zingers. And zingers are not easy to review beyond saying, ZING.

Judy Grimes is giving the travel tips! If you don’t remember Judy Grimes, she’s Kristen Wiig’s answer to Mr. Subliminal. It’s impressive, though a little overdone. Certain SNL castmembers have really strong characters: Kristen’s Judy. Will Forte’s Zell Miller (and Tim Calhoun, to a certain extent). Kristen seems to be on the border of making herself laugh. Awkward.

And that’s done. Seth taps Amy’s part of the desk, as he often does, and I love it and them and Seth Meyers is basically my hero at this point.

Hero.

Hero.

This is already super long and not entirely interesting (much like this episode), so I think I should call it a night. This is compounded by the fact that I went flying into some bushes today while playing football, and that moment was 3949324x funnier than anything that has happened so far this late night. Rather than blog this Live Lounge phone sex sketch with Megan Fox, I’ll sleep and get ready for brunch. Better luck next week, yea? That goes for both my blogging and prowess, and the show. Because this episode has been pretty unentertaining. Pretty boring. Ryan Reynolds, help it out next week.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. nasimpedradfan permalink
    September 27, 2009 10:17 am

    I don’t miss Watkins all that much. I do, however, long for someone to come to their senses and to invite Casey Wilson back. On the bright side, I think half of the trade is going to work out–Nasim is gonna be America’s sweetheart. Don’t know about Jenny “F***k” Slate yet, though. I’m with you, overall, not a thriller of an episode. Luckily, it did have its moments and I think it will get better.

  2. Zara permalink
    October 18, 2009 2:57 am

    I miss Michaela Watkins too! I loved Angie Tempura and her impressions of Hota Kotb and Arianna Huffington and Joan Rivers were SPOT ON. I’m tired of seeing Kristen Wiig in every sketch. It seems all the female parts are played by her. Abby Elliot is not nearly as funny as Michaela was (judging from Abby’s performance last year). No comment on Jenny Slate and Nasim Pedrad. They could be funny. Haven’t seen enough of them, though, to properly make a judgement. But it’s pretty obvious these girls were (at least partly) chosen for their looks and age.

  3. November 9, 2009 6:44 am

    “And that’s done. Seth taps Amy’s part of the desk, as he often does, and I love it and them and Seth Meyers is basically my hero at this point.”

    My thoughts, your words.

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