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Excuse me, you’re bedazzling your WHAT?

February 27, 2010

So, I was going to blog about Gold Medal Bitchass Sven Kramer and his 10,000m failure, thanks to his awesome coach, Gerard Kemkers [soon to be pink-slipped, I’m sure], but I fell asleep for a really long time. By the time I woke up, it was old news. Oh well!

Then, I was gonna blog about Vajazzling and how terrifying it is, but Kim was like “oh no vajazzling is so old meme whatever whatever.” So I was like, fine.

But then I see that Kim named my least favorite Olympian, Soulpatchy McAdams, as the Olympic Hunkus of the day, after foolio got DQ’d in the 500m on fairly reasonable grounds [IN MY HUMBLE FREAKIN’ OPINION]. So, you know what? I’m bloggin’ about Vajazzling.

Vajazzling is exactly what it sounds like, folks. It’s bedazzling, for your clam dungeon. It’s glitter, for your beef sammie. It’s unnecessary furnishings for your Golden Palace of the Himalayas.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is a fan, which means it can’t be good.

This post at The Luxury Spot [borderline NSFW] goes into the process in some detail, and includes pictures. According to the writer, who had the procedure done at Completely Bare Spa in NYC, you go in for a brazilian wax, and then are adorned with a Swarovski crystal tattoo. On your vagina.

Vom. It looks diseased.

I mean, that’s exactly what every lady should want. Go in with hair, come out with Glitter.

I can't even deal.

In addition to the obviously uncomfortable consequences of gluing crystals to your genitals — I mean, what happens when hair starts growing in? Ew — I personally just don’t want anyone looking at my undagoods to be reminded of Mariah Carey, or Jennifer Love Hewitt, for that matter. Woof.

Ladies, would you ever consider doing this? Or are you as confused, sickened, and terrified as I am?

Personally, I’d love to see Apolo Ohno get rid of the soulpatch and bejazzle his chin. All about that, thanks.

One Comment leave one →
  1. February 28, 2010 11:04 pm

    i love that you souljazzled ohno.

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