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2011 SAG Awards Liveblog!

January 30, 2011

Liveblogging awards shows can be the most painful thing ever, so I’m not entirely sure how I will handle this. I will definitely be posting my predictions and who I want to win as they announce each award. I like the SAGs, they’re fun. Okay, I like all award shows. Minus the Teen Choice/People’s Choice/anything with a choice awards, I like watching people in awesome dresses and suits give each other awards and sob into their money. I would like them more if the Kardashians weren’t there. Why are they there?

Basically all they I got out of the red carpet is that Helena Bonham Carter and Marky Mark Wahlberg are lovely, and it’s Christian Bale’s birthday. He’s totally going to win (pre-emptive spoiler alert!).

Here’s a picture of Bryan Cranston, because that’s all I’ve found so far:

8:00pm – Claire Danes is still getting nominated for Temple Grandin? At one point I won’t have to hear about this again, right? Does that make me awful?

8:02pm – AW JACK MCBRAYER IS OPENING THE SAGS! Did he open them by saying “Shut up!” to Chris Parnell? Because really, that makes everything 391249324 times better. And Jon Hamm is right behind him. I forgot how much I liked these intros, even though there are weird technical difficulties with Juliana Marguiles. It’s Rico! He’s adorable! Melissa Leo is basically yelling at this point. Julia Stiles seems really nervous. I don’t understand why. I’m sure she had time to practice.

8:06pm – Betty White and Alec Baldwin open the show.

Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series:
Steve Buscemi – Bought me a pack of M&Ms once. True story.
Bryan Cranston – I already posted his picture.
Michael C. Hall – He’s beardy.
Jon Hamm – I would be remiss if I didn’t type “Hammster!”
Hugh Laurie – I liked House. Four years ago.

Who should win: Jon Hamm, he doesn’t win anything ever. This category is TOO STRONG.
Who will win: Steve Buscemi. New blood. Plus, the M&Ms?
Who won: Steve Buscemi. I start my night 1 for 1! His speech is really long. But he’s so cordial, you can’t be mad.

8:09pm – Mark Ruffalo and Annette Bening come out and Ruffalo is whistling. His hair is too flat, and I can’t think of Mark Ruffalo without the fact that he had a brain tumor. Or him jumping around in his underwear in Eternal Sunshine.

8:11pm – Eva Longoria and Cory Monteith. Eva Longoria is talking about Sir Laurence Olivier, like she knows anything about him, but she looks fabulous, as she always does, even if she never takes a risk, and Cory Monteith is arching his eyebrows like no one else can.

Best Female in a Drama Series:
Glenn Close – I started watching Damages a few weeks ago and flew through the first season. It is amazing.
Mariska Hargitay – I cannot belittle her work as an actress, but I really can. She’s just not that great. And SVU scripts are laughable. Her husband is a super babe, though.
Julianna Marguiles – I will take this as a nomination for Josh Charles.
Elisabeth Moss – She’s one of the few okay Scientologists in my book.
Kyra Sedgwick – She rides the subway.

Who should win: There are a LOT of strong women on TV now. I love it. But I watch all but the Closer out of these shows, and I’d say that Close, Moss and Marguiles should all get it. Elisabeth Moss really shone this year on Mad Men, and I think she deserves it most.
Who will win: Julianna Marguiles, though I can’t say I disagree.
Who won: Julianna Marguiles. TWO FOR TWO, SUCKAS. I really like the colors that her and Mariska are wearing. She thanked New York! I win! She’s thanking all of the crew, which is amazing because they try to act like this is all about the actors and they’re all that matters, so way to be, Marguiles! Way to be! Hilary Swank thought what Julianna said about her husband was “so sweet.”


8:19pm – Sofia Vergara and Taye Diggs. I’m calling it, hottest presenting duo of ALL TIME. They are diving right into the award for Best Ensemble in a Drama. It’s weird that they do drama first, comedy second, isn’t it?

Boardwalk Empire – I’ve never seen an episode of this show. Steve Buscemi is clapping a lot.
The Closer – I’ve also never seen this show.
Dexter – The cast of this show really is strong. Masuka!
The Good Wife – Josh Charles gets every award that I have. Unfortunately, I have none.
Mad Men – Just give the award to Pete Campbell. WHAT DID JANUARY JONES DO TO HER HAIR?

Tell me this picture alone doesn't show you how much these people deserve an award. You can't.

Who will win: Boardwalk Empire?
Who won: Boardwalk Empire. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these awards shows are not a science. I just do not like Paz de la Huerta. Her talking ruined the whole thing.

8:24pm – The president of SAG is out, it’s Ken Howard. Ken Howard of Crossing Jordan fame. If you’re me, and you are an insomniac, and you loved Crossing Jordan reruns on A&E at like 3:00am, that’s how you know Ken Howard.

8:26pm – Dennis Haysbert is out talking about commercials. That’s All State’s stand. I mean.. There’s a commercial montage. I have nothing more to say on this.

8:29pm – Jason Bateman!! Did Jason Bateman kill January Jones’ dog? Cause holy shit, she’s staring daggers.

Outstanding Actor in a Female Supporting Role
Amy Adams – I really liked The Fighter, and she owned it. That dress is not doing her boobs any favors.
Helena Bonham Carter – She is so wonderful. And she went to clap for herself and then admonished herself for it.
Mila Kunis – And the award for playing Mila Kunis goes to..
Melissa Leo – Yell, yell, yell!
Hailee Steinfeld – She’s super precious. I need to see True Grit.

Who should win: Helena Bonham Carter, because The King’s Speech is the most pleasant movie to ever be pleasant.
Who will win: Melissa Leo. People like it when people yell and wear bad wigs.
Who won: Melissa Leo. Who manages to look shocked, even though she’s won everything, and totally ignored Christian Bale’s presence ON HIS BIRTHDAY! There is no reason that I should like her dress, but I do. Wait, is she really having trouble maintaining composure and making a speech? Because this is the third TELEVISED event in which she has gone on stage and won an award. Is Conan’s sister there?

8:39pm – Amy Poehler just might be my favorite lady of all time. And I’m not sure Hailee Steinfeld knows who she is. For shame! Amy Poehler might have shoulder pads on.

Outstanding Male Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin – He reminds me of my dad for some reason.
Ty Burrell – They could’ve definitely chosen a better clip, but awww, little Luke Dunphy back there!
Steve Carell – Do we still watch the office when he leaves?
Chris Colfer – He looks like he’s sloshed, weirdly.
Ed O’Neill – Modern Family, you are so good.

Who should win: Ty Burrell, for being the funniest thing on a hilarious sitcom.
Who will win: Chris Colfer, whom I adore (!), but I think that his character is generally more serious than it is funny, and that defeats the category name.
Who won: (Side bar, Amy Poehler’s “the winner based on this category according to some people as of tonight,” is the best thing you can ever say at an awards show) Alec Baldwin! Whoa, I missed one. He could not look more shocked, which I believe, because it didn’t seem like this year. He just compared Melissa Leo’s character in The Fighter to Amy Poehler, and I don’t think anyone in the crowd got it.

8:42pm – Jon Hamm’s john ham just referred to himself as a woman. I wish that I could have a dance party with Jon Hamm, I really do.

Outstanding female actor in a comedy series
Edie Falco – I don’t understand how this is a comedy.
Tina Fey – I love that she keeps getting nominated for these things, since she doesn’t think of herself as an actress.
Jane Lynch – She wins at life.
Sofia Vergara – She also wins at life.
Betty White – Is this a “yay Betty White!” nomination? Or is it genuine?

Who should win: Amy Poehler? No.. Sofia Vergara is really, really growing on me.
Who will win: Jane Lynch, cause she owns that role like no one has ever owned a role before.
Who won: Betty White, yeah, I should’ve seen that coming. This is.. something. I like that everyone is now turning “teamsters” into a rolling joke. Everyone in the crowd seems kind of shocked and excited, and the camera work is pretty miserable since it’s taking a long time for her to get to the stage (because of her seating, this is not an old people joke). They’ve now gone through what I’m assuming is the Hot In Cleveland theme song twice. It is not good.

8:47pm – Helena Bonham Carter, Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth are out there being pleasant and discussing The King’s Speech. While typing all of this, I burnt my dinner. It is sad.

8:49pm – Angie Harmon and LL Cool J. I am confused as to why Angie Harmon thinks she can pull of that dress. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to wear it.. but no.

Outstanding Ensemble in a Comedy Series
30 Rock – I pull for Jack McBrayer always. Really poor clip choice.
Glee – Strange clip choice as well.
Hot in Cleveland – I don’t even know what to say. Was Joe Jonas nominated?
Modern Family – Oh, man, that clip has made me laugh outloud a million times now.
The Office – I don’t think I’ve seen this episode, weird.

Who should win: Modern Family!
Who will win: Glee? I’m guessing Glee. Though Betty White just won and down is up and the sky is orange!
Who won: MODERN FAMILY, YAYYYYY. I watch Glee, and it still puts a smile on my face when they lose to Modern Family. Ed O’Neill is accepting. He’s very soft spoken, and quick, and approve! Aww, shot of Sally Draper!

8:58pm – Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman are out, and I’m tired of Natalie Portman’s drape-y, “I’m pregnant!” dresses. I’m fastforwarding.

9:00pm – How much does a Tim Conway? Ernest Borgnine is getting a lifetime achievement award, but all I think about when I think of him is when he talked about masturbation.

I do not know very much about Ernest Borgnine, I’ll be honest. It makes me wonder which celebrities will be getting lifetime achievement awards in 30 years. George Clooney? Justin Bieber? Forest Whitaker? There is something about this montage that I cannot take seriously. “Ernie was wondering what he was going to do next!” Morgan Freeman is out to talk about Ernie some more, no masturbation references have been made yet. I need to wash my dinner plate.

9:11pm – Ernest Borgnine gets to start speaking now, and we get our first WWII reference of the evening. I want to give him a hug. Wait, wait, wait, is his wife the QVC lady? DUDE, SHE IS! Angel from Dexter is really excited about Ernest, love it.

9:18pm – Jeremy Renner and Robin Wright. Jeremy Renner basically had nothing to do. Sad.

Oustanding Actor in a TV Movie/Miniseries
John Goodman – He used to live in my office building.
Al Pacino – He is shockingly good at Shakespeare.
Dennis Quaid – He’s a big Astros fan, so he wins in my mind.
Edgar Ramirez – I don’t know anything about Carlos
Patrick Stewart – I feel like you should never be allowed to subtitle anything “Great Performances.”

Who should win: I haven’t seen any of these, I don’t care.
Who will win: Al Pacino, although how can you fight “great performances!”
Who won: Al Pacino. Who isn’t there. Let’s move this right along!

9:20pm – Armie Hammer, Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSKKEWAJRKERWA. I love Andrew Garfield, his head is too small and he looks like a puppy, and he’s so awkward. Jesse Eisenberg is probably exhausted, isn’t he? I want to watch this movie again now. Maybe I should buy it. I really enjoy Armie Hammer, he’s not getting enough of the praise.

9:22pm – Josh Duhamel is yelling and reading lines in a way that you wouldn’t expect an actor to. I am confused. Rosario Dawson did better.

Outstanding Female Actor in a TV Movie/Miniseries
Claire Danes – Of course.
Catherine O’Hara – How is it this has been nominated for a million things, and I didn’t know she was in this? Also, there was a series camera error there. That young woman laughing awkwardly is NOT Catherine O’Hara.
Julia Ormond – She does a nice American accent. Huh.
Winona Ryder – I love that she’s back to acting.
Susan Sarandon – I’d like to see this just for her hairdo.

Who should win: I have no idea. Let’s say Winona.
Who will win: Claire Danes has basically won every award ever for the past 17 years for this movie.
Who won: Rosario Dawson and Josh Duhamel are continuing to yell about Claire Danes. I have nothing to add to this. Danes looks particularly January Jones-ish tonight, minus the horrifying hairdo. Claire Danes is painstakingly listing everyone who is nominated in her category, and .. we’re done. Oh, hey! The producer heard me and started to play her off musically. That seems mean.

9:26pm – Why is Hilary Swank so, SO excited to discuss the “In Memoriam”?

9:35pm – That was a long break. Susan Sarandon looks great, Tracey Morgan looks bored, and why are Justin Timberlake and Amy Poehler at the same table? That’s kind of amazing. Is there some “awesome presenters” table?

Outstanding Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Christian Bale – Happy birthday!
John Hawkes – I have not seen Winter’s Bone. I think I need to.
Jeremy Renner- – He’s the coolest, I think.
Mark Ruffalo – I’m convinced he played himself in this movie.
Geoffrey Rush – He’s my runner up vote, he was great in this film. Everyone was.

Who should/will win: Christan Bale. There’s a moment at the end of The Fighter where they show the real Dicky and Micky talking, and you can see just how much he became this guy. Like, really became him.
Who won: Christian Bale! He has gotten a serious haircut since the Golden Globes. And he went up to Melissa Leo, even though she birthday snubbed him before. Boo! Apparently Justin Timberlake loves Christian Bale. OMG DICKY CAME OUT.

This is strange. I love this. I don’t know what’s going on, but I love it. Christian Bale has apparently acted in so many different accents that he forgot how to speak in a normal voice. Nobody is cutting off Bale, and he’s definitely talked longer than Claire Danes.

Seriously guys, January Jones is frightening me.

9:40pm – Mark Wahlberg and Amy Adams. I don’t know what is going on here either, but the longer this show is going on, the more I wish that I got to hang out on set of The Fighter. The Fighter is definitely one of those movies that I will watch repeatedly on TBS in 7 years.

9:42pm – Jeff Bridges is cutting to the chase.

Leading Actor in a Female Role
Annette Bening – She is a joy.
Nicole Kidman – I think Keith Urban is wearing more make-up than her
Jennifer Lawrence – I don’t know how I feel about that clip
Hilary Swank – Has anyone seen Conviction?

Who should win: Sigh. I enjoyed Julianne Moore more than Bening in TKAAR, but eh.
Who will win: Natalie Portman, cause she wins everything, and it’s annoying, and Black Swan is the worst.
Who won: Natalie Portman. I guess this means she’s going to win the Oscar, doesn’t it? This was her best acceptance speech yet.. it didn’t make me want to throw things.

This does not make me want to throw things. This is awesome.

9:51pm – Nicole Kidman. People love her. Me too!

Outstanding Actor in a Leading Role
Jeff Bridges – The dude abides.
Robert Duvall – I don’t know much about this movie, and Robert Duvall looks bored.
Jesse Eisenberg – I’m glad that his clip included Andrew Garfield.
Colin Firth – The man, the myth, the legend.
James Franco – Oh, Jimmy Franks. You make my dreams come true.

Who should/will win: COLIN FIRTH. I wish they had chosen a better clip for him as well.
Who won: CO-FO. Jeff Bridges is giving him a standing ovation, and I love it. I love it. He’s being British, that’s really all I can say about this speech. He’s being funny in a British way, and he’s making jokes about SAG cards. I would go to the Firth, Carter and Rush tour. I really, really would.

9:56pm – If Amanda were here watching this with me, she would have a heart attack, because Colin Firth just left and Donald Sutherland WITH A GIANT ESKIMO BEARD just walked out.

Best Ensemble
The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech
Black Swan
The Social Network
The Fighter

Who should win: This is really, really tough for me. I loved the King’s Speech and The Social Network both so much. I guess in terms of ensemble acting and all of that, I’ll say that no one in film clicked more this year than Firth, Rush and Carter in The King’s Speech.
Who will win: But they’ll say the younger, hipper cast of The Social Network.
Who won: Damn! Should’ve gone with my gut. The King’s Speech takes it. I am pleased. Helena Bonham Carter is running, and for a moment I thought she was barefoot. Would anyone be surprised? Geoffrey Rush is making a bunch of jokes, and it’s, say it with me now, pleasant. He’s naming all of the actors in the film. He didn’t mention Guy Pearce, did he?

10:00pm – Donald Sutherland closes this mother out! And here’s a photo of him and Colin Farrell to close this mother out!

3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 30, 2011 11:13 pm

    bravo! it’s like I watched it. you are a treasure to the award show live-blogging community.

  2. Celisse permalink
    January 31, 2011 7:50 pm

    I am okay with anything that informs me of winners without me actually having to watch that crap


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