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Olympics 2012 Primetime Liveblog, Day 4!

July 31, 2012

Hello Internet! Welcome to my Liveblog of Day 4 of NBC’s really shitty Primtime coverage of the 2012 Olympic Games.

Can I just go ahead and get the whining about spoilers and the crappy coverage out of the way? Seriously, NBC, this is a problem. It’s one thing when your dumb friends spoil the results of your favorite events for you, but its entirely different when THE SAME NETWORK THAT MAKES US WAIT FOR RESULTS SPOILS US LITERALLY MINUTES BEFORE THE EVENT AIRS. Come on, NBC. This is ridiculous.

Don’t even get me started on the Gymnastics coverage. That makes me angrier than anything else.

OKAY, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started!

~*~*~THE COSTAS~*~*~ is on screen and he’s telling us what’s slated for tonight. We have the Women’s Gymnastics Final, and there’s also some Swimming madness happening. Michael Phelps is swimming in two events tonight, and so is Missy Franklin, OlyVil’s favorite new lady swimmer.

There’s also DIVING! I hope we get to see more of that cutie Tom Daley in his tiny tiny Speedo.

Oh bummer, it’s Women’s Synchro Platform diving. Oh well, still fun! Less porny.

Women’s Synchronized Platform Diving Final:

They’re starting us from round 2, which, ugh. The favorite tonight, OF COURSE, is the Chinese team of Chen Ruolin and Wang Hao. I swear, China is so intense in these games. More than usual, I feel. If the Olympics really were the Hunger Games, China would be District 1. Now they’re talking about the “veteran” Canadian team.

Is this the same team that had an alarmingly underwhelming performance at the Synchro Springboard final the other night? If so, I am looking forward to making fun of them.

Other teams in this Final are Great Britain, Germany, Mexico, Ukraine, Australia, and Malaysia. We likely will see nothing from them. Thanks NBC.

Chen and Wang are on the platform and are about to go. One of them seems to have a huge tattoo on her back. Interesting. They do what looks like a simple but PERFECT dive, as can be expected. At the beginning of this round, though, they were in third place. GASP.

Great Britain is about to dive and they cut to Tom Daley cheering on his teammates and he is adorable. Creeping is inevitable, guys. You just have to accept it.

The Brits do the same dive as the Chinese team and also nail it. They were in 1st place at the end of the first round. Canada and Mexico also do the same dive. This is kinda boring! They both do well.

And I guess those are the only teams we’ll see for this round beacuse they just put up the Round 2 standings and China is in 1st, with Great Britain and Malaysia rounding out the top 3. Okay then.

China starts the third round and they do this crazy spinny dive and it is perfection, as always. District 1 never disappoints. Australia is up next! And they’re telling a story about how one of the Australian divers is old because she first dove at the Olympics in Atlanta in ’96 when she was 17. That’s not so old, but whatever.

GBR is next. Everyone is doing this spinny dive. Do you guys like my technical terms? Spinny dives? I hope so. I feel like such an expert. And the judges did not like GBR’s take on the spinny dive, because they just got a very low score for that at 68. They loved Mexico’s dive, though, because they earned 85 points on that. Canada is next and they earn a 75.

At the end of round 3, China is still in 1st place, Mexico has jumped up to 2nd, and Canada is 3rd. Great Britain drops down to 6th. Womp womp. They better pick it up soon lest they have another Tom Daley situation like they had last night!

Two more rounds! Here comes China. I don’t know how this spinny dive is different from the last, but they get 89 points so that’s that. Mexico is next and while the synchro is really good on this dive, one of the ladies screws up the dive, keeps her legs apart during entry (hohohoho) and doesn’t go in totally vertical. Look at all of my technical terms! Mexico earns 75 points for that dive.

Hello Canada! They do the same dive as Mexico and in my opinion they do it better. But they only get 73 points so apparently I know NOTHING about this sport. It’s the end of Round 4 and the standings are still the same for the top 3.

They’re showing this Lochte AT&T commercial right now and it is probably my favorite commercial of the games this year. Alas, I love him still, as much as he has been breaking my heart.

Commercial break is over and this is the last round of the Final. China is up again. They do a twisty dive this time and it is diving perfection, as always. The announcers are already calling Gold for China. Australia is up next and they currently are in 4th place. They do what I consider an excellent dive but the announcers do not agree. The Aussies earn 77 points for their dive. Mexico is next and apparently it is Paola Espinosa’s 26th birthday because the announcers won’t shut up about it. They do a great dive and earn 81 points which guarantees them a medal in this final. Yay Mexico!

Canada is next! They do a great twisty dive and they earn 82 points which gets them a bronze medal, which means Mexico got silver!

So, there you have it. ONWARDS WE GO!


Okay, we’re on semi-finals for the Men’s 100m Freestyle right now. Do we care about semi-finals? Apparently theres a 2009 record in this event currently held by Brazil’s Cesar Cielo and WHERE THE HELL IS THAT GUY? I love him. He’s INSANE. I haven’t seen him at all. Is he competing? DOES ANYONE KNOW. I will have to Google this later. There’s also a 2008 record in this event held by Eamon Sullivan’s Torso.

They’re talking about Australia’s James Magnussen who is the favorite, and I have been told that he is very good looking. Is he?

Oh, yes. Yes, he is. via.

He’s a little beardy. I’ve been seeing a lot of scruff in this games. What’s up with that?! OMG WAIT CESAR CIELO IS IN THIS SEMI-FINAL. THERE HE IS. HE WAS HIDING HERE THE WHOLE TIME. I’M SUPER EXCITED NOW. HE’S INSANE.

Nathan Adrian is swimming in this next semi-final. YES. I have missed him so much! Remember when he was the love of my swimming life for like a day before he was immediately usurped by Spain’s Aschwin Wildeboer?!

Nathan I am sorry I have forsaken you. via.

Cullen Jones is also with Nathan Adrian in this semi, as is YANNICK AGNEL, that slug.

Adrian wins his semi! So included the final for the 100m Free will be Aussie James Magnussen, Nathan Adrian from the US, The HILARIOUS Cesar Cielo, and stupid Yannick Agnel, from France.

Okay moving on!

They’re doing a little feature on Allison Schmidt, and for as much as I whine about these dumb features every 10 minutes or so, I will watch any feature on any USA Swimmer, because I love them all and want to be BFF with pretty much all of them. Seriously.

You know, full disclosure, I am NOT a swimmer. At all. I can swim enough to know how not to die when I’m in water. But I love the water and I love watching Swimming and I want to be BFF with all these people. My friend was on a swim team in high school so I spent a lot of time hanging out with her and her dumb swim team friends, and they were all total crap. USA SWIMMING #1!

Women’s 200M Free

Missy Franklin and Allison Schmitt are both competing in this final, as are Australia’s Bronte Barratt, who I only know because Kim posted a photo of her yesterday and I think she’s pretty, and Italy’s Federica Pellegrini, who I think is CRAZY.

Missy is in lane 8 and we have seen a LOT of action in these games from lane 8! Usually no one important is in there. Sheesh. Schmitt is currently in the lead with Franklin following behind! Schmitt is WAY ahead of everyone else, and she sets a new Olympic Record! Awesome! France’s Camille Muffatt comes in second and Bronte Barratt comes in third. Missy Franklin missed the bronze medal by 1/100th of a second! Aw. Missy.

Congrats to Allison!

More more more! It’s Milky Time! They’re doing a feature on him and Bob Bowman is talking about all the ways he has tortured Michael Phelps.


Men’s 200m Butterfly Final

Tyler Clary and Michael Phelps are both in this race and Tyler Clary has never pissed me off before yesterday. Let’s discuss, shall we?

U.S. Olympic swimmer Tyler Clary made headlines in late July for comments he made regarding 16-time medal winner Michael Phelps. Relatively unknown despite his own accomplishments, Clary’s biggest splash came in the media, not the pool.

“Basically, he was a swimmer that didn’t want to be there,” Clary said in the Riverside Press-Enterprise, talking about Phelps, a training partner of his from University of Michigan. “They can talk about all of these goals and plans and preparation they have. I saw it. I know. It’s different. And I saw somebody that has basically been asking to get beat for the longest time.”

Wow, really? Someone sounds a little butthurt that he’s not in the spotlight. The article goes on to list off Clary’s accomplishments, which involve a lot of coming in second and third to Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte, repeatedly. There’s also this bit:

At the 2011 FINA World Championships, Clary won a silver medal in the 400 IM and bronze in the 200 back. Clary’s three years of collegiate swimming at Michigan were littered with accomplishments. He was an All-American all the way through, and he won the NCAA Swimmer of the Year award in 2009.

Oh, that’s cute.

ANYWAY, he and Phelps will both be in this race. Should Phelps win this race he will become the all-time most decorated Olympian. That’s so awesome.

At the 50m Phelps is first! And at the 100m. He’s pulling ahead of everyone but Matsuda of Japan is keeping very close behind! AHHHH. CHAD LE CLOS (South Africa) IS PULLING IN CLOSE TOO. AND LE CLOS OUT-TOUCHES PHELPS AND I AM SHOCKED WHAT WHAT?? WAIT WHAT? Okay, I got spoiled on this race earlier today and I thought FOR SURE that Phelps was going to win this one! Okay, weird. UGH. Matsuda comes in third. I’m pretty upset right now.

Whatever, you know what? He beat Clary. That’s what matters.

I just had a thought. Maybe Phelps is purposely being Un-Phelpslike. Maybe this is all part of a MASTER PLAN. He keeps saying this is his last Olympics but maybe he is really planning to take Rio 2016 BY STORM. That’s the only explanation and it is my favorite theory. Because I came up with it. In 4 years, you all will remember this post. I said it first.

Congrats Chad Le Clos, you are excited and adorable.

Women’s 200M IM

Ye Shiwen of China is the overwhelming favorite to win this race tonight. They keep saying over and over through the games that she swam a faster time in her 400IM than Ryan Lochte did in his 400IM from earlier this week.

A lot of my favorites are in this race, but I have a feeling Ye Shiwen will smash them all. Sigh! Hello favorites!: Hannah Miley (GBR), Stephanie Rice (AUS), Kirsty Coventry (ZIM), Ariana Kukors (USA). I predict Ye Shiwen will take the gold, Ariana will get Silver, and Alicia Coutts (AUS) will take bronze.

BAHAHAH Okay, I was wrong. Ye Shiwen gets the gold AND breaks the Olympic Record! Alicia Coutts gets silver, and Caitlin Leverenz (USA) gets bronze! Good job ladies!

Ye Shiwen looks unenthused about her win, but Leverenz looks like she’s about to BAWL from excitement! So cute.

Men’s 4x200m Free

OKAY let’s get this show on the road. We’re NOT GOING TO crap this one up, okay? Michael Phelps is gonna bring it home. He’s about to become the most decorated Olympian of all time. (For real this time, okay?).

The French are in this relay again and I don’t care, sit the hell down.

The USA Lineup is Ryan Lochte, Conor Dwyer, Ricky Berens (!!!), and Michael Phelps. Notably, Lochte is not swimming anchor in this race. Whew.

OKAY. They’re off. Ryan Lochte is swimming the first leg. USA is in 1st at the 100m mark. Lochte is quite far ahead of the rest of the field. THATS MY BOY. Still 1st place at the 200m. Conor Dwyer jumps in and he’s in the lead but the rest of the field is closing in AHHHH. At 400M the USA is WAY in the lead and Ricky Berens is next to swim. They are a good THREE SECONDS ahead of the French! AHHH GO GO GO TEAM GO. Michael Phelps is getting ready to jump in at the end of this lap and he will be jumping in with a HUGE lead. Yannick Agnel, Troll of France, is also swimming anchor for his team. BACK OFF, BUDDY. AHHHH Phelps is on his last lap and he’s still WAY in the lead. HE HITS THE WALL AND ITS A GOLD FOR THE USA!!!!

AHHHHH. This is so good for Team USA, you guys! We so needed this win AHHHHH I’m very excited right now. SO EXCITED. The announcers say that this is his last Olympics but we all know my theory muahaha.



OKAY Swimming is done today. GOOD JOB, ALL.



It’s time for the Women’s Team Gymnastics Final. Gabby is so cute, she’s one of my fav

orites. Oh okay, NBC, let’s see more clips of poor Jordyn crying, cos we haven’t seen enough of that yet. Ugh.

Okay do they have good hair tonight? PLEASE LET IT BE SO. Nope, some of them still have that ugly half ponytail thing that Nastia made so popular.

Aw, Jordyn did a great vault just then. Apparently Maroney and Gabby did a great vault after that but I didn’t see it because my satellite cut out. Great. In a WILD turn of events, NBC is showing us other countries competing! I’m shocked! It’s just the Olympics it’s not like we would be EXPECTING to see other countries or something.

~*~*The Russians~*~* are vaulting and the first girl I saw looked kinda sloppy on her vault, and the announcers agree. I rarely agree with anything the announcers say so I always feel VINDICATED when I think something and then they say the same thing I was thinking. Like I am actually learning stuff. Yeah right.

Favorite ever photo of Aliya Mustafina. via.

Maria Paseka is up next and she looks 12. WHOA okay hello there. She launches herself off the vault and then lands practically IN THE STANDS or something. She actually landed on the mat and took a HUGE step off the mat completely. Hot mess.

Oh, girl. via.

China is up on the Uneven Bars now. CHINA CHINA CHINA. DISTRICT 1. Let’s see how you do tonight. Whichever little girl that was, she did a pretty good job on bars, by my INCREDIBLY EXPERT standard of not falling off and sticking your dismount.

Romania is on bars now. The announcers are saying that this is their weakest event. Looks okay so far I guess. She earns a very low score. I dont know why. I JUST DONT KNOW.


Okay, the team standings after the first rotation: USA is in FIRST PLACE (!!!!!!) with a score of 48.132, China is next with -1.733, followed by Russia with -1.766.

Okay, now we’re with the Russians on Uneven Bars. Whats her name, the little diva one? She did a good job. I’m terrible with figuring out peoples names for Gymnastics. Aliya Mustafina! Thats her name.

Victoria something is up next. The one who looks like a pre-teen. She is FLYING off those bars, its crazy. Okay she did some INSANE dismount and stuck the landing so great job, pre-teen!

They’re showing us Romania on Beam now. This girl REALLY looks like a toddler. Balance beam is so scary, you guys. I just see little heads hitting beams in my head the whole time. This little toddler is doing okay, though, I guess. OH HAH The announcers just said she’s 16 yeah right, in bizarro universe maybe. She had a beautiful flippy dismount and had a great landing.

Oh man now there’s an OLD lady from Romania. I say old but she’s only 24. I’m 28 so I’m clearly ready for AARP by gymnastics standards. Oldie is doing great though! Much better than the toddler.

Oh God, Jordyn just paused briefly during a handstand on the bars and of course the announcers FREAKED OUT about it. Hopefully that doesn’t affect the rest of her routine. She does the rest of it really great, announcers. Shut up.

Kyla is up next on bars. She does an AMAZING job but the announcers are saying her routine doesnt have enough difficulty to get a higher score than the invisible Russians I never saw. I love Kyla also. So cute and smiley. PERFECT dismount.

Gabby does an amazing job and we expect nothing less from her. My friend Daniella just asked me why the gymnasts have to hug every single person after every single routine. I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT I WAS WONDERING THE SAME THING.

Oh, team sports. I’m such a loner, dottie. A rebel.

Kyla Ross is first on beam. Go girl go! She’s flippin’ around like it aint nothin’ and she’s doing a great job. Now Gabby is up next. Holy crap she does this crazy flippy twist thing and NAILS it and these people I don’t even understand how. She did AMAZING.

Aly Raisman is up next and I HATE HER CRAZY MOTHER. Can I say that? Omg I hope her crazy parents don’t find this blog and then try to kill me or something. You never know, guys! These things happen! I gotta say, Team USA is killing it. Aly is perfection on this beam right now. Go girl go girl!

They’re showing the Russians on Beam now, and ~*~*The Diva~*~* is up first. She has a horrific performance, nearly falling off the beam, and afterwards, she kind of hilariously does the opposite of “hugging every person ever,” by literally making a B-line AWAY from every person who approaches her before she sits down and prepares for her next routine. Aw, Aliya.

Victoria Komova is next and she actually does a good job on the beam, but DESTROYS her dismount. Poor Russia. These girls have got to be freaking out right now.

We are onto Floor Exercise now, my least favorite apparatus. Mustafina does her routine and it is actually excellent, she totally redeems her terrible beam. But then her tiny toddler teammate hits the floor and she very clearly destroys one of her tumbles, which completely changes the max score of her entire routine, and at that point the entire Russian team just starts sobbing because they see the gold slip through their tiny toddler fingers.

OOH had a minor freak out when I thought I accidentally deleted this entire post. omg. OKAY.

Gabby is on Floor right now and she did an AMAZING routine and the whole stadium is going crazy. Next up is Jordyn. Right at the end of her first tumble she smiles HUGE and she knows she’s gonna nail this. The crowd has NOT STOPPED CHEERING since she hit the floor. This is intense. Is all this crazy manic cheering distracting for the rest of the girls performing in the background?

Next up is Aly. She fell pretty badly during warm-up earlier so here’s hoping she got that out of her system. She has a PERFECT routine and immediately starts to cry after it and now they’re all crying and I’m crying and I feel like an absolute idiot but here I am, Team USA did amazing and I’m so happy for these girls AHHHHH okay I’m done.

They’re waiting for the scores. omg.

And then the results flash up on the board. COMMENCE THE FREAKING OUT.

via. omg Kyla. Omg Kyla you are hilarious.

Okay so NBC gave up on giving us standings after rotations but I am guessing that the US, clearly, got Gold, Russia, who is SOBBING out of pure depression earned silver, and China??? earned bronze? WHO KNOWS. NBC WON’T TELL ME. Oh, okay, Romania got bronze. Wow. China didn’t even medal?! Damn.



One Comment leave one →
  1. August 1, 2012 1:24 am

    LOLOLOLOL X 567458853577

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