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London Olympics 2012 Closing Ceremony Live(ish) Blog!

August 13, 2012

I’m here I’m here! I only missed a few minutes of it! I’m the worst. Tonight is the official end to the Games of the XXX Olympiad (aka the Olympics of sexy. Muahahah) and I am watching coverage on NBC with the rest of the annoyed, tape-delayed world. I will likely be crying A LOT.

They just started it early. Thanks a lot NBC. Emeli Sande is singing to open the ceremony, accompanied only by a piano and oh man, is she off key. Kim would like you to know, however, that her tone is good. Okay.

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There is a CHOIR, which, whatever, choirs make everything better. The choir is being accompanied by people suspended from the London Eye, banging on pots and pans, as well as the London Symphony Orchestra.

On the stadium floor there are replicas of identifiable London landmarks like Big Ben and St. Paul’s Cathedral. WINSTON CHURCHILL is speaking to the crowd now and there are lots of cars and trucks and traffic all moving around the floor, wrapped in newspaper which the announcers tell us are excerpts from popular British authors. Now the President of the IOC, Jacqeus Rogge, is being welcomed in by Prince Harry on behalf of The Queen, and the flag of the United Kingdom is being raised as the national anthem plays. Aw. HI HARRY.

Okay after a quick commercial break, we are back with a young Michael Caine counting down to something. BUT WHAT? Oh, Madness singing Our House. YAY 80’S. Oh my God, there is a man playing the saxophone, and he is FLYING THROUGH THE AIR.

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This next part happens so fast that I will just have commentary from Twitter and iChat to cover it:

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ONE DIRECTION AHHHHH!!!! Kim and I are confused that they’re on so early. They are performing “What Makes You Beautiful” and I really unabashedly love One Direction, you guys. It’s so ridiculous. I’m too old for this shit. THEY’RE JUST ADORABLE, OKAY. I CAN’T HELP IT DON’T YOU JUDGE ME. And so well dressed all the time.

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OKAY now Stomp is performing and I had no idea Stomp was a British thing. Who knew! DANCING AROUND WITH BROOMS AND TRASHCANS. GO GO GO. There are people just dancing around the floor of the stadium and I want to be one of those people.

After a commercial break they are welcoming the athletes into the stadium and the announcers make sure to explain the OBVIOUS, but telling us that they are marching in all together as one group, to unify all the countries. We get it, announcers.

They are talking about the triumphs of certain athletes and they talk about Oscar Pistorius and I want to hug him and I am going to cry like 12 times during this whole thing.

Kim and I are talking about which athletes stay for the Closing Ceremony and which ones leave. A lot of the swimmers left a while ago, which I guess I can understand… Swimming ended a week ago! But still, being part of this is so huge. A lot of the swimmers also miss the Opening Ceremony as well because competition starts for them at the beginning of day 1, so I would think more of them would stick around the the closing. Shrug.

I probably mentioned this during the Opening Ceremony, but I LOVE when the athletes are clearly so excited to be part of this, and they have their cameras up and out and are just as awed by the spectacle of it all as the rest of it. This goes as much for the ceremonies as much as it does for the games themselves. Seeing Kobe Bryant at Michael Phelps’ last race, with his iPhone out, taking photos of the momentous occasion, it was awesome. Seeing the Duchess of Cambridge stop and awkwardly talk to the Fab 5 during the Vault competition was cute (and so awkward). Michelle Obama hugging pretty much every member of the US Men’s Basketball team. It’s a good feeling.

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MAN. EMOTIONAL.

OMG BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY. I CAN’T HANDLE THIS SONG. IT’S SO GOOD.

Okay now there’s a childrens’ choir singing “Imagine” by John Lennon, and they’re doing sign language, and wasn’t this stolen flat out from Glee? What? Now there’s a clip of John Lennon singing. MORE CHILDREN. MORE SIGN LANGUAGE. MORE TEARS!

OH MY GOD. OK I’M HAVING A MOMENT. GEORGE MICHAEL. “FREEDOM ’90” IS PLAYING. I’M HAVING A PROBLEM. I NEED TO OK BRB I NEED TO JUST ENJOY THIS

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If you couldn’t figure it out, I am a HUGE, NON-IRONIC, George Michael fan. You don’t even know.

Now the Kaiser Chiefs are singing The Who, I guess. I don’t know the name of this song. Sorry.

DAVID BOWIE TIME. They’re just playing small clips of his songs and showing crazy photos of him. I hope they show him as JARETH THE GOBLIN KING.

Nope, they’re not going to.

OH MAN YOU KNOW WHO I WANT THEM TO TRIBUTE? PETER GABRIEL. I WOULD DIE.

They’re playing “Fashion” and parading huge banners of supermodels wearing clothes by British Designers. KATE MOSS appears LIVE IN PERSON. Along with SDKLJFGSDFJNGLKSJDFNGLKSDFJ

SORRY I had another moment when they showed Nathan Adrian in his slightly too small Ralph Lauren cap being in awe of the super models.

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Now its ANNIE LENNOX in all her ~*~*GAWTHIC GLORY~*~*~*. She is riding in on a bare-bones PIRATE SHIP or something. This is nuts. Annie Lennox you are so nuts and awesome. Gimme summa dat DOOBIE DOOBIE DOOT DOOT DOOT. AH AH.

After a commercial break we are back with a Pink Floyd tribute. “Wish You Were Here” is being performed by some cute Gingey named Ed Sheeran. No idea who he is but I like his voice and I loooooove this song, like every other person in the world. UGH EMOTIONS.

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Now there’s a guy walking on a tightrope to a mannequin which he sets on fire, in a recreation of the album cover for Wish You Were Here. I’d like to say I knew that, but I did not. THANKS ANNOUNCERS.

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Now it’s WILLY WONKA TIME. OH FUCK AND IT IS TOTALLY RUINED BY BEING PERFORMED BY RUSSEL BRAND. I HATE THAT GUY. Now he is singing “I am the Walrus”, I guess. Kim had to tell me because I had no idea. I guess this is a Beatles thing I don’t understand.

He’s standing atop a LOOOOVE BUS and there are scantily clad women playing violins and creampuff fairy ladies dancing around.

HOLY SHIT NOW ITS FATBOY SLIM.

I love how I knew about most of the performers before this started but I am still surprised by all of them. He is playing Right Here, Right Now, and I loooove this song. Now he is playing Rockafeller Skank and there is A LOT OF DANCING HAPPENING. I think I should also note that this entire production is being performed inside of a GIANT OCTOPUS. No idea.

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Now it transitions to Jessie J and I love her. Kim and I are having literally opposing views on almost everything happening here. She is singing Price Tag and it’s cute. She’s singing in a car going around the stadium, with a bunch of other fancy cars. Then she is joined by TINIE TEMPAH, who I have literally never heard of before. I’m so old, you guys.

AHHHH ITS TAIO CRUZ YOU GUYS. SINGIN’ DYNAMITE. THIS SONG IS SO GOOD.

WE GON ROCK THIS CLUB

WE GON GO ALL NIGHT

WE GON LIGHT IT UP

LIKE ITS DYNOMITE

SINGIN HEEEEYOOOOO GALILEOOOO.

Wait he doesn’t actually say Galileo? Whoops.

THROWIN MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES, GUYS. I REALLY DO. I ALSO CELEBRATE AND LIVE MY LIFE. I just got a promotion the other day so I’M GONNA LIGHT IT UP LIKE ITS DYNOMITE.

I need to stop.

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Now Jessie J and that Tinie guy and Taio are singing some BEE GEES. Well, okay. Fine, whatever, I’m dancing, I’ll admit it. I’m dancing and blogging. I’m blog dancing.

Ryan Seacrest, who the hell invited you to the Olympics? He just told us that THE SPICE GIRLS ARE NEXT!!!!! What songs do we wish they will sing?

I need some 2 Become 1 you guys.

OH MY GOD THEY’RE HERE. THEYRE ROLLING IN ON LONDON TAXIS THAT SAY SPICE ON THEM. I CAN’T HANDLE THIS. ITS THE FUCKING SPICE GIRLS YOU GUYS I AM BEING TRANSPORTED TO 6TH GRADE.

They are singing If You Wanna Be My Lover and THEY LOOK AND SOUND SO AWESOME. Now they’re singing SPICE UP YOUR LIFE. I will likely download some Spice Girls albums later tonight. Sigh.

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SHAKE IT SHAKE IT SHAKE IT. ARRIBA.

Oh man okay the ladies are being driven around atop a bunch of cars, and they all look TERRIFIED that they’re going to fall and it’s a little bit hilarious. LADIES, BE CAREFUL.

Liam Gallagher is up next and he is singing WONDERWALL, which… I think I am dying from the sensory overload of all of this good music being presented to me right now. This song is too much for me. Kim is telling me this whole really interesting thing about Liam not wanting to sing Oasis songs because he didn’t write them, and I am interested but also really just GLAD THIS SONG IS BEING PERFORMED RIGHT NOW. IT MEANS A LOT.

I like that there’s no flashy dancing or cars or anything during this performance, also. WONDERWALL DOESN’T NEED IT.

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ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA TIME. There’s like old timey people and then like a guy on a bicycle with a propeller and a huge canon and I’m so confused right now.

MORE PEOPLE FLYING THROUGH THE AIR. Oh man, this guy is a human canon. This is so weird. What? Did that work? No, it didn’t. Oh it’s Eric Idle. He’s silly.

Now he’s singing some “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.” BAHAHAHA. The crowd is singing along REALLY loudly and its totally adorable. OH MAN THEY HILARIOUSLY JUST SHOWED PRINCE HARRY SINGING AND WHISTLING, AND I LAUGHED SO HARD OUT LOUD.

Eric Idle is dancing with so many soldiers and nuns and oh, Monty Python. Now there’s some BOLLYWOOD DANCING and he just looks confused but is trying to dance along. SO HILARIOUS.

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Now there’s a crazy clip of Freddie Mercury and it’s not QUITE a hologram, Tupac, but it’ll do.

Brian May is playing the most epic guitar solo right now, and this is AWESOME. I have to say, I wasn’t a fan of the Opening Ceremony two weeks ago, but this closing ceremony is incredible. Roger Taylor joins him on the drums and now there’s more Jessie J and of course they are going to play We Will Rock You and I can’t handle this it’s too much.

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If they are attempting to lure people to London, it is working. I want to go so bad.

Now is all the traditional stuff of raising the flag of Greece to honor the birthplace of the Olympic Games. They lower the flag of the Olympic Games to signify the end of the games and hand it from Boris Johnson, the mayor of London, to the mayor of Rio De Janeiro, Eduardo Paes. Now they are raising the flag of Brasil while playing the national anthem. This is a cute anthem. I’m really bummed that these games came and went and we got not even one instance of Brazilian swimmer, Cesar Cielo, going totally insane about anything. SIGH.

Now they’re doing a little tribute to the next host city, and I have been waiting to see how they hand it over! There’s some tap dancing and samba and brooming (??) and a little bit of Carnaval action happening.

I’m not sure how to explain anything that is happening right now. HEY ANNOUNCERS, EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. There’s some people dressed in tribal attire if the tribal attire was designed by the Black Eyed Peas. The announcers say this is a tribute to how Rio is a welcoming and multicultural city.

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Now its time for some CAPOEIRA while Brazilian performers sing and dance. Seu Jorge is there as is Alessandra Ambrosio.The Brazilian athletes don’t look very excited, tbh. If I was in a foreign country and they were doing a tribute to my home I would be FREAKING OUT.

Okay, I’m bored of this. Sorry. Can we get some more Taio Cruz now?

OH WAIT THERE’S FIREWORKS. WOOHOO.

And Pele. I don’t know who that is. ~*~*THE COSTAS~*~*~* says he is a soccer legend. Okay.

Now the President and officials of the IOC are speaking which means they’re going to put out the torch soon and I’m gonna cry. Olympics, I love you. Even when I am fatigued and too tired to blog or tweet about it and watching sports that I get bored of and even when I am thinking Mens Race Walk is the best and worst thing I’ve ever seen. Even when I am angry that Ryan Lochte hyped himself up too much but still proud of him either way. Even when I am emotional over Swimming and Gymnastics and everything else. Even when I am thinking Usain Bolt is a tool, or being so happy that Tom Daley was so excited for his Bronze medal. This paragraph is going nowhere, but I love you, Olympics, and I will wait patiently two years for Sochi, and four more years for Rio.

The petals from the Olympic Torch are all separating and slowly extinguishing and this is making me sad. I’m gonna have major withdrawal for a while, you guys. I’m just going to keep watching all the stuff I didn’t see on TV online for the next few weeks.

Now Take That is performing. I really don’t know anything about Take That other than Robbie Williams used to be part of them and I love Robbie Williams a lot and am sad he is not here. But whatever, this song is pretty. One of the Take That guys is either hopped up on something or he’s just REALLY excited to be there because he keeps RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE like a nutcase while everyone else is calmly singing their song.

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Okay, the torch is officially extinguishing. This is beautiful and sad. THE END. THE GAMES ARE OVER. GOODBYE LONDON OLYMPICS. I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Now I tap my feet for the next 1,462 days, waiting for the next summer games. AT LEAST THERE’S AN ELECTION HAPPENING SOON. That’ll keep me occupied for a few months. POLIVIL 2012, GUYS.

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